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Stranger Danger

February 4, 2010 1:35 am | 24 Comments

“Mommy, I have a new friend”. Graham chirped from the backseat.

It was rush hour and I was trying to navigate through traffic to meet Jamie and my father-in-law for dinner. The truth is, I was half-listening while mainly keeping my attention on the road.

“That’s nice, what’s your new friend’s name?” I asked.
“Eric” (or Erin or Alan? The kid is hard to understand sometimes).
“Is Eric a new boy in your class?”
“No, he’s a grown up. He’s going to pick me up from school in his purple car.”

Suddenly, I was listening. My three year old had just told me that he met a strange man who planned on picking him up from school. Graham has recently entered the stage of making things up but still, this story was surprisingly detailed. I decided to leave it alone for a bit so I didn’t “lead the witness” by filling in the facts for him. Instead, I continued on to the restaurant and put the conversation out of my mind for the duration of the meal.

Later that night, I filled Jamie in on the conversation. He was instantly alarmed, and wondered why I wasn’t freaking out too. I guess I had initially figured it was nothing but retelling the story made me see the seriousness in what I’d been told. I began to consider the possibility that there was actually a strange man who approached Graham at school. On the playground? In the gym? In his classroom? Where? We both agreed that this wasn’t one of those conversations that you brush off and forget about, I needed to bring this to someone’s attention.

The next morning, I asked Graham for more details about his new friend. His facts were surprisingly consistent with those of the previous evening. Again, I was careful not to lead the witness since he is great at incorporating our questions into his stories as he goes. This was last Thursday, and the kids aren’t in school on Thursdays. Still, I felt it was important so I drove up to the school to talk it over with is teacher.

Graham’s teacher was equally as concerned about his story but assured me that he didn’t talk to anyone on her watch. She said she doesn’t even let the school’s maintenance staff in her classroom or on the playground when the kids are present. That they patrol the playground and don’t let people talk to the kids through the fence. But she would keep an eye out for anything suspicious and also for a “purple car.” I trust this woman completely and I believe her. She often leaves me standing outside at pickup time because she refuses to unlock the classroom door until the appropriate time, girlfriend doesn’t mess around. The following day, I talked with the preschool director who had already spoken with Graham’s teacher and had been apprised of the situation. Although it was probably nothing, it didn’t hurt to keep everyone in the loop.

Talking to Graham’s teacher made me feel somewhat better but the whole thing opened my eyes to a bigger problem. Graham is such a happy, friendly kid, much like a puppy who would surely jump in the car with anyone. Up until this point, I had always seen that as one of his strong points. I’m proud when I see him interacting with people so well. But where do I draw the line?

I’ve since started the “stranger danger” conversations with Graham. It kills me that I have to explain to my sweet, innocent boy how there are “bad” people out there who might want to hurt him or take him from his mommy and daddy. That he can’t just go around talking to anyone and everyone because it could lead to something bad. Graham doesn’t understand either, he keeps asking me why someone would want to hurt him. I just don’t have the answers to give him but I try my best to explain anyway. I hate that this is the world we live in, but I’m doing my best to prepare my kids just in case. How about you guys, how do/did you deal with stranger danger?

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Wordless Wednesday: Her Future’s In Construction

February 3, 2010 12:10 pm | 20 Comments


At least I hear there’s good money in construction.

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Random Tuesday Thoughts: All By Myself And I Still Smell Shit

February 2, 2010 12:42 am | 30 Comments

Last week, I got out for an afternoon and headed to Panera to chill with my laptop. It’s sad that when I break out of mommy jail, I head out for a date with my computer vs an actual human being.

So there was an older gentleman in a suit who was taking business calls and waiting for someone to show up. When the guy showed up, the old dude jumped up and yelled “there he is!” in a crowded restaurant. The guy scared me, I didn’t know if someone was coming to go postal on the place or what.

Halfway through my date with myself, my cup slid across the table. I knew it was from the built up condensation but it didn’t stop me from freaking the fuck out a little on the inside because dude, my Coke is haunted.

So I went to the bathroom at Panera and someone had just taken a MONSTER FUCKING DUMP. There was a mother and her teenage daughter in there and after I went into the open stall cowboy style (my shirt over my nose and mouth) the mother gave me the “it wasn’t my stank ass” disclaimer by telling me the smell was there when they came in. Sure, lady.

Then I went to Ross to try to find a dress for an upcoming wedding. Some chick fartbombed me as I was coming around the end of an aisle and then she fucking disappeared and left me in her cloud. Then someone else came around the corner and gave me the stink eye like it was my rank ass who left the fart air. All I could think about were the shit particles I was inhaling and I high tailed it out of there.

I guess I could have just stayed home and smelled my kid’s shitty diapers but at least I got out for a bit.

Graham has recently taken to calling his hooded sweatshirt his “neighborhood”. So when we bundle him up to go outside, he asks for me to please put on his neighborhood and I think it’s awesome.

I’m sitting here watching an episode of Hoarders. While I could never get as bad as the people on the show, I can totally get how they get into those predicaments. I’m making a mental note to get rid of some stuff this weekend.

The other day I had a flake of dry skin on my nose that kept catching my eye. I didn’t realize what it was and thought I kept seeing something move in my peripheral vision. It turns out I need some lotion and I’m not being followed.

My mom dug one of my Cabbage Patch dolls out of her attic and gave it to Elliot. I found a newborn diaper laying around and stuck it on the half naked doll. Now Elliot rips the diaper off and brings me that stupid doll to rediaper about fifty times a day. Because I was totally looking for another person whose diaper I could change, my two kids aren’t enough.


Go see Keely, her shit don’t stank.

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Club Half As Small As You: Month 17

February 1, 2010 10:50 am | 22 Comments

Welcome to month 17 of Club HASAY! Not sure what HASAY is? Read all about it here.

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My FIL has been here for the past week and if that’s not a reason to binge eat, I don’t know what is. I could spend this post blabbering on about how I’m fat and tired of being fat but you’ve heard all that. The truth is, I’ve cut back on the sweets and junk food and have been doing a teensy bit better than previous months. It’s a process. Instead, I’m going to tell you why donuts are good for you.

It was a chilly winter afternoon and we were all playing on the swing set. The kids had just finished their healthy snacks when Jamie and I agreed that we were in the mood for some coffee from Dunkin Donuts. And maybe a donut each for good measure. Being the awesome provider I am, I hopped in the car to make it happen.

When I pulled out of the neighborhood, I noticed a small white figure zooming down the busy street. Great, I thought, another dog in need of saving. Jamie and I have an annoying habit of going out of our way to save runaway dogs and return them to their rightful owners. I pulled the car over and got out to lure the lost pup in. The little asshole wasn’t having it, he took off running with me hot on his tail (note: exercise). I even had to go back to the car a few times to drive further since he kept taking off every time I got close.

What the wayward pup didn’t realize is that I chase toddlers for a living so I’m pretty quick at heading after runaways. After a few minutes, the poor guy came closer and I nabbed him. He was actually pretty sweet and didn’t try to  bite me like previous lost dogs have done. He was wearing a collar (thank you, responsible dog owners) with his address and phone number so I called his house and brought him home.

Feeling good about my adventures, I continued on in my journey and procured the donuts and coffee. They tasted a little bit sweeter knowing I had gotten a workout in and saved the life of a runaway mutt. And that, my friends, is why having a donut once in awhile can be a good thing.

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Check out the other HASAY participants and show some love!:

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Spin Cycle: Oh Happy Day!

January 29, 2010 11:20 am | 28 Comments

Happiness is making it to the top of the volcano all by yourself.

And mastering the big kid stairs.

And sliding so damn fast that the camera can’t keep up.

Most of all, it’s getting out of the house for a tantrum free day where siblings unite.

In the mood to smile? Check out Sprite’s Keeper for more spins on Happiness!

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Random Tuesday Thoughts: That’s Gonna Leave A Mark

January 19, 2010 1:34 am | 38 Comments

I just got back from girl’s night with a couple of friends. At my age, girl’s night consists of a trip to Ikea to lounge around in the showrooms and pretend we don’t have ornery toddlers at home, followed by appetizers at Fridays. It was glorious.

Oh, except for the cat. One ran out in front of my friend’s truck and unfortunately, got hit. More like pulverized. My friends were too chicken to assess the damage so I had to go and check on the poor cat and watch it twitch and bleed out in the middle of the road. It was bad, there wasn’t anything we could have done for the poor guy. Not bad enough to make me skip appetizers at Fridays though.

So Jesus has been walking around Tampa for the last few months. I’m not sure exactly where he’s going but he walks around all day, barefoot and clad in his white robe. I found this shot that someone snapped of him:

I’m thinking about springing for a bus pass for poor Jesus since his feet have got to be sore by now. I know he’s not the real deal because I saw him walking next to water one day when we all know the real Jesus can totally walk on water. Impostor. Also, the real Jesus would have brought the cat back from the dead.

Jamie told me I’ve officially become a mom because of my newfound love of coupon clipping. And the fact that I actually got a fucking coupon organizer and mulled over categories when I was sorting all of my coupons out. And resorted them several times until the categories were a good fit. Coupons are all I’ve got left, man.

I spent $130 on a pair of running shoes yesterday. Let me just say that this is THE MOST I’VE EVER SPENT ON AN ITEM OF CLOTHING BEFORE. Well, besides my wedding dress. I feel skinnier just having purchased the damn things. Is that possible? It is. Look at my ass, DAY-UM!

We’ve had a shitty-assed food dye filled weekend. It turns out that there was something hidden in the new vitamins we switched to and I was one step away from swerving into a light pole and ending it all this weekend. My kids were that bad.  Relax, I would never really swerve into a light pole. There’s no guarantee it would work.

There’s an unruly kid with dead eyes at Gymboree. Jamie told me that he’s sure the kid is “on the dye”. So now we’re walking around diagnosing other people’s kids with the food dye crazies but we can’t actually tell the parents or they’ll think we’re nuts too.

I ran into a neighbor at Target on Sunday morning and we commented how we were both up bright and early. “Oh, I had to come”, I said, “It’s the only way I can escape my family”. She just looked at me uncomfortably because she couldn’t pick up on the sarcasm in my voice.

The other day there was a guy working at the house and in conversation, he said something about duct tape. So I said, “oh yeah, like I use to tie my kids up in their rooms.” He laughed nervously and has probably alerted the authorities by now.

People don’t get me.

I got a little frisky with Jamie in the kitchen the other day and accidentally gave him a hickey. You know, cause we’re twelve. We saw my mom today and Jamie totally had to keep his sweatshirt bunched up on his neck so she didn’t catch on. Because she might have sent me to my room. Come to think of it, being sent to my room wouldn’t have been half bad as long as I didn’t have to take the kids along. Adult time out, anyone?


Until next week, stop by and give Keely a shout. Just don’t give leave a mark.

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Why Didn’t Somebody Warn Us – Part Two On Going Dye Free

January 7, 2010 1:35 am | 67 Comments

In case you missed it, we’re completely artificial food dye free in the HAGAY household. Read the back story here. I’m linking up some of the articles I’ve come across so read them if you’re interested. I’m also eventually going to keep a link up in my right sidebar with foods I’ve found to be Dye-Free. Hopefully, it helps.

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Up until we had a problem with Graham, I had never considered the source of food dyes and blindly fed them to my kids. I just assumed that the FDA wouldn’t allow something unsafe into the food supply. Right? Well, they banned artificial dyes in the UK back in 2008. Several groups in the US have urged the FDA to follow suit but so far they maintain that the dyes are safe. I also found out that dyes are made from petroleum,  crude oil which is also the source of gasoline. What.the.fuck. There’s a group called the Feingold Association who teaches parents how to eliminate artificial colors, flavors and preservatives from their kid’s diets to resolve behavioral issues. We haven’t gone that far yet, we’re starting with dyes and going from there.

Jamie and I decided to test the food dye theory by removing all traces of dye from Graham’s system. Sounds simple, no? We scoured the pantry, reading labels to determine what products had artificial dyes in them. The answer was pretty much everything the kids were eating. Not just the obvious mac-n-cheese either, things like pickles and syrup and even Eggo Waffles. Vitamins, toothpaste, Motrin. It’s amazing how everything they consumed was loaded with artificial crap. A few trips to the hippity dippity health food store and a lot of money later left us stocked with dye-free vitamins and toothpaste along with safe food options. All of the sites I read told me that it would take three days for the artificial dyes to get out of their systems so we kicked back and waited…

On the third day, they played. Graham woke up bright eyed and happy and his scowl was gone. He and Elliot played together for most of the day, something that had literally never happened here before. The kids were happy and independently playing for the first time in their lives and I was giddy with excitement. I felt like a badass for having discovered the dye problem and removing it all from their diets. Things were looking up in the land of HAGAY.

Then we had a setback. I picked Graham up from school the next day with a smile on my face. “He was better today, right?”. His grim teachers looked back and told me that no, he was still not behaving or following the rules. I was baffled, he had played so well with Elliot the day before and was so happy for that one day. There had to be an explanation. Turns out, there was. Graham and I had whipped up a batch of pancakes that morning and used Egg Beaters instead of real eggs. Egg Beaters with yellow dye in them, those motherfucking Egg Beaters. Eggs are yellow, why the fuck do they need dye to make them even MORE yellow? But there it was, our answer. The next setback came when the kids went on antibiotics. The pharmacy ASSURED me they were dye free but hell if the kids didn’t turn into monsters when they were on them. Then Graham had potato latkes at school instead of the snack I sent in for him. Methinks Egg Beaters were the culprit again but at least we knew why he was acting like such a little asshole. He was, and I can say that since he’s my kid.

The seven permitted food dyes in the US are: FD&C Blue No. 1, FD&C Blue No. 2, FD&C Green No. 3, FD&C Red No. 40,  FD&C Red No. 3, FD&C Yellow No. 5, FD&C Yellow No. 6. I have noticed the strongest reaction from my kids when they eat red or yellow dye but all kids are different. There is also a “natural” dye called annatto that causes the same adverse effects in behavior for some kids. Namely, mine. This eliminated a lot of the remaining foods from the kid’s diets like Goldfish, French Toast Sticks, Taquitos, Hot Pockets and American Cheese. A lot of products listed as having “No artificial colors” have annatto in them so we have to read the labels very carefully. We’re basically at the point where the kids can eat cardboard and nothing else.

Enter Betty Fucking Crocker.

It’s widely known that I don’t cook. I don’t bake, grill, cook, anything. I can microwave like a mofo but anything beyond that requires great concentration from me. Having gone dye free, I’ve had to reach my inner Betty Crocker and start baking. I stay in communication with the kid’s teachers about any class parties so I can send in a separate dye-free cupcake for my poor kids. The class Christmas party came and went and I made sure my kid’s plates were dye free, even if it involved baking cupcakes and gingerbread men for both kid’s classes. I even pulled off a dye-free birthday party for Graham:

Those cupcakes were possible using an all-natural food dye I found online, Dunkin Hines all white cake and Wilton’s decorating icing. Just because my kids can’t have artificial food dyes, it doesn’t mean they should miss out on all of the fun. We’ve gone to a few birthday parties where I brought my Tupperware with a cupcake for each kid, along with a dye-free Capri Sun. Sure, people openly mock me and think I’m nuts but fuck them, my kids are happy and that’s all I care about. Yesterday, I spent $50 online buying lollipop molds so I can make the kids special treats for Valentines, St Patty’s Day, Easter, July 4th. I went a little overboard but I want to be prepared.

Dye free isn’t for everyone, I get that. It’s damn hard to make sure every single morsel of food going into my kid’s mouths is safe for them to eat. Having seen the adverse reactions first hand though, I don’t understand why people aren’t shouting from the rooftops. WHY is this shit in our food if it’s not healthy? Hopefully me blogging about it will open someone’s eyes, even if it’s just one person who gets help for their kid. Studies in the UK found a link between food dyes and ADHD. Can you imagine what that would mean for kids struggling with ADHD if the answer were as simple as a few drops of food coloring? I can, I’ve seen the changes in Graham. These days he has his normal three year old meltdowns but those I can handle. Gone are the days of him acting like Linda Blair, he’s night and day from our dye-filled past. I plan on staying dye free and spreading the word. I implore you to do the same.

Link to complete list of dye-free foods we’re using.

Some Dye Free Foods We’ve Found:
Smuckers Natural Peanut Butter
Polymer All Fruit Jelly
Cream Cheese
Surf Sweets Organic Jelly Beans
Nordic Naturals Vitamins
Yummy Earth Lollipops
Animal Parade Toothpaste
India Tree Natural Food Coloring
Wiltons Decorators Icing
Graham crackers
String cheese
Snyder’s of Hanover MultiGrain Cheddar Cheese Puffs
CHEETOS® Natural White Cheddar Puffs
Kraft White Cheddar Macaroni and Cheese
DANNON All Natural Yogurt, Plain
Taquitos (chicken only, NOT with cheese)
Tyson Baked Chicken Tenders
White American or Provolone Cheese
Orville Reddenbacker Natural White popcorn
Eggo Whole Grain Waffles
Ray’s Whole Grain Bagels
Cream Cheese


What the fuck foods with dye:
Pickles
Most chicken fingers (in the breading)
Kraft Mac-n-Cheese
Most Yogurts
Waffles (Nutrigrain are safe)
Sugar cookies
Most Juices (Capri Sun and Dole are safe)
Marshamallows (the all have blue dye)
Oranges – Some are dyed orange to look more appealing for sale.
Hot cocoa – Mixes with marshmallows have dye
Taquitos With Cheese – Have Annatto coloring
Hot pockets
American cheese – Have Annatto
Parm cheese
Most salad dressings
Most crackers
Egg Beaters
Most flavored chips
Most cereals
Nutrigrain bars
Cheetos
Condiments (honey mustard, bbq, etc)
Toothpaste
Vitamins
Motrin and Tylenol
Antibiotics
Hand soap (some kids react to dyes on skin)

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Why Didn’t Somebody Warn Us – Part One On Going Dye Free

January 6, 2010 11:13 am | 27 Comments

I told you I’d eventually explain why I fell off the face of the bloggy earth. It’s kind of wordy so I broke it up into two posts. It’s not the usual light hearted comedy you’ll find here at HAGAY, more like a tale of woe and despair. Don’t worry, happiness prevailed in the end. So far.
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Jamie and I often joke about writing a book to warn prospective parents. “Somebody needs to get the word out that kids will ruin your lives”. Of course we’re joking, but we’ve had several trying months around here that led us to doubt our abilities as parents. Admitting our parental shortfalls is not something I enjoy doing, especially since Jamie and I have gone to great lengths to be the best possible parents we can be. We have a strong relationship, we’re financially secure and I quit my job because I believed wholeheartedly that I could do great by my kids by staying home.

Several months back, our lives started to unravel. It all started with Graham, whose behavior started to worsen with each day. He became an angry mess; defiant, destructive and violent toward his sister. He couldn’t sit still, ever, and roamed the house all day looking for things to get into or destroy. He wasn’t able to stay focused on a task like doing an art project or playing with a toy, he would get frustrated and angry and immediately move onto something else.

There were days when just looking at Graham would cause him to throw himself on the floor in a tantrumy fit. Poor Elliot got the brunt of his anger, she couldn’t come within five feet of him without being hit or shoved to the ground. This wasn’t normal sibling rivalry and we had to keep constant watch of both kids because just taking our eyes off of Graham for a second meant that Elliot might get hurt. Graham wasn’t sleeping more than three or four hours a night and walked around with a permanent scowl and sunken, dead eyes. I wasn’t sure who this kid was but I missed my sweet, happy boy.

We had originally put Graham in school five mornings a week but feared that we overdid it and he was acting out because of it. So we moved him back to three days. We communicated back and forth with his teachers on discipline methods to make sure we were consistent at school and at home. Still, each day at pick up, his teachers would tell me how he was “completely unresponsive” and unable to discipline. He was the same way at home and time outs and loss of privileges didn’t work because he simply didn’t care.

By this point, Jamie and I were completely exhausted. We were walking around like zombies, having gotten no sleep at night and having to deal with Angry Graham during the day. Our patience was at an all time low and Jamie and I were even snapping at each other. Trips to the pediatrician and the ENT left me with no explanation for his sleep problems or his behavior.

Halloween weekend, the chaos peaked. The kids ate their fair share of formerly forbidden candy. Saturday afternoon rolled around and Graham became more distracted and belligerent. By Sunday, he was a tantrum a minute and couldn’t be controlled. We were all baffled and frustrated by his behavior.

Shortly after the Halloween Tantrumisode, I was scouring the internet for answers when I came across an article on artificial food dyes and their link to behavior problems in children. The site had testimonials from parents, describing the behavioral changes in their kids with food dye sensitivities. How their formerly sweet kids turned psychotic, kicking, screaming and spitting just from eating a single lolliopop or M&M. I literally teared up when I read through the stories because I felt like they were describing Graham. Up until this point, I felt like everyone thought I was exaggerating when I described our bad days with Graham an that people just chalked it up to normal toddler behavior. I finally found some validation that there was something going on with my kid and that I could do something to fix the situation.

We had previously noticed a change in Graham’s behavior every time he ate mac-n-cheese and banned it from our house. He would turn aggressive and defiant and stop sleeping for a few days after eating it. We thought it had something to do with the dairy but never once considered it was the coloring. Then at school, Graham’s teachers started giving the kids Skittles as potty training rewards. I knew about it and even provided the sweet treats from the class wish list. If someone was willing to potty train my kid for me, I wouldn’t care if they gave him an eight ball of coke as long as the poop made it in the toilet. I kid. Before school started this year, Graham had never eaten candy. The dye in the daily Skittles were shocking his little system and causing him to go apeshit.

Discovering the link between artificial food dye and Graham’s behavior was the key to getting things back on track. I’ll go into more detail on what we did  to change things in tomorrow’s post, I’ve rambled on enough for one day.

Continue on to part two.

See a list of dye-free foods.

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Random Tuesday Thoughts:The Boot Scooter Boogie

January 5, 2010 12:01 am | 27 Comments

Something happened to my Xmas card spreadsheet and it printed out labels for the old copy vs the updated one. So I almost sent out a Christmas card Jamie’s great aunt who passed away this summer. That would have been awkward.

We recently started time outs with Elliot. The 1-2-3 Magic discipline book we follow says not to start until kids are two but Elliot has been pushing the boundaries lately so we decided to put our feet down. The first time I counted her and said “Elliot, that’s ONE!”, she looked at me and said “That’s two, that’s FREE. Time Out!”. Girlfriend isn’t stupid.

I threatened to send my dad to time out on Sunday when he was bonking the kids in the head with a (soft) ball. After telling him to stop, he told me it was fine and did it again so I counted him. Graham got stone faced and his jaw dropped at the thought of Grandpa going to time out. Elliot promptly picked up a ball and bonked Graham in the head. Monkey see, monkey do.

We saw a hula hoop contest the other day and the kids were mesmerized so I used their Xmas gift cards and got them each a hula hoop of their own. Then we Skyped my SIL and let the kids spin around and fall down over and over again on camera.

We’ve been using Skype more and more and now the kids actually have friends their age to call. We called them the other day and Graham and Elliot and two of their friends were yelling back and forth on camera. When I was little, I was lucky if my parents let me talk on the phone and if I wanted to communicate with someone long distance, my ass had to mail them a letter. Kids these days have it so easy.

The local zoo had a New Year’s Eve party where they “counted down to midnight” at noon. We thought it was a fun idea but it turns out that everyone and their mother and their cousin and their strollers were there. We were packed in like sardines and couldn’t get out of there fast enough after the ball dropped. I get claustrophobic and angry in crowds so it’s a wonder nobody got hurt.

Speaking of hurt, my mouth corners have been broken for over a month. I’m pretty close to super gluing them together just so they can heal. I just yawned and ripped the fuckers open again.

We took the kids out this week and it was the first outing since we went dye-free. In case you’re wondering, Jason’s Deli has several organic kid’s meal options and even gives the kids a dye-free/organic lollipop for dessert. Graham was so excited to be at a restaurant that he kept yelling “OH, A REFARANT!!! IT’S A SPECIAL TWEAT!!!”. It was almost too cute to be annoying.

The kids got new scooters and are loving riding them in the driveway. Well, except that Elliot just runs alongside of hers and thinks she’s riding it. Either way, she’s happy so I’m happy. Nobody said she was the sharpest tool in the shed but she’s damn cute so it’s ok.


Scoot on over to Keely’s place if you’re looking for some real random action!

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Club Half As Small As You: Month 16

January 4, 2010 11:51 am | 18 Comments

Welcome to month 16 of Club HASAY! Not sure what HASAY is? Read all about it here.

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A Decade in the Making

I recently read somewhere that baby weight that you don’t shed within the first year usually sticks around indefinitely. I wish that I could say that was my long term problem but I was struggling before I popped out two kids. They just added an extra few layers of belly fat to an already increasing waistline. Thanks, guys. Elliot is almost twenty-one months and Graham just turned three so I fear the bulge is holding on for dear life.

Having been athletic my entire life, I always ate what I wanted and never worried about putting on weight. Growing up in a house with two older brothers, I scarfed any available sweets or soda quickly before someone else beat me to them. Once my metabolism slowed down, these two things led to my demise. I still eat like shit and scarf my food, it’s a pattern I haven’t yet been able to break. Jamie has even noticed my marathon eating and tells me to slow down and enjoy my food. Still, my plate is usually clean before he’s eaten his first few bites. Old habits are hard to break.

Although I still scarf my food and eat like shit, my eating today is also stress induced. When the kids stress me out, I eat some chocolate. When I’m trying to eat and the kids are screaming at the table, I scarf my meal as fast as I can so I can at least eat something. It’s not healthy and I want to change, but I just need to figure out how.

Let’s talk exercise or lack thereof. A few months back, I was in a great routine of hitting the gym four or five times a week. It felt great, actually, and my clothes were starting to fit again. Then the kids got sick and Graham stopped sleeping and I fell off the wagon hard. I haven’t been able to climb back on and I can honestly say that I weigh the most today that I’ve ever weighed in my entire life.

Things have got to change around here in HASAYville. I’m embarrassed to be seen in photographs, by my husband, by friends and family. I’m the only one who cares about my weight but still, it consumes every thought of every second of every day. It’s depressing. So here we are, in an entirely new decade but I’m still chugging along, fatty business as usual. I vow, again, to get off of my fat fucking ass and do something about my weight. I’ve stocked the fridge with veggies and plan to reach for the carrots instead of the cookie dough. I’m going to ease myself back into the gym and form a long lasting routine. God, that sounds like such bullshit to read but I mean it this time. I have to. Who’s with me?

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