September 25, 2008 7:00 am
I have never been known to spend any time on beauty. I don’t wear makeup, don’t style my hair and I couldn’t walk in heels to save my life. My wardrobe contains the minimal amount of dresses and skirts, just enough to get me through any dressy events we may need to attend, but certainly not any to wear on a daily basis. Flip flops and sandals are my shoes of choice and my showers take about six minutes from start to finish. I’d like to say my lack of primping is because I’m a big, badass feminist, but really it’s just laziness and lack of caring. This is how I’ve always been, I didn’t “let myself go” or at any certain point, it’s just me. Jamie fell in love with this version of me and I don’t plan on changing anytime soon.
It’s probably a good thing that I’m not a girly-girl because if I were, I don’t know where I would find the time to keep myself up. Having children put a damper on any and all personal time and I’m lucky if I get a quick shower in once a day (believe me, there are days when I don’t). I end up taking shortcuts, for instance, I only wash my hair every other day and I rarely shave my legs during the week. I know, gross, right? But really, what’s the point of wasting that extra ten minutes shaving my legs every day if I’m not planning on leaving the house? Or if I can get away with wearing jeans when I do go out? Jamie and the kids are the only ones looking and they don’t seem to mind a little stubble.
These past few weeks have been hellish around here and I’ve really been slacking in the leg-shaving department. When last weekend rolled around, it had probably been upwards of two weeks since I shaved and I knew I was going to be leaving the house AND wearing shorts so my time was up. I took a quick shower and did the deed. I don’t know about you, but I shave in quadrants, knee to bikini area, ankle to knee and repeat on second leg. I was feeling pretty smooth and got dressed and ready to go. This happened to be the day that Graham refused to nap so I took him with me to get some things done.
Graham fell asleep in the car (see Monday’s bitch fest) so we went to my parent’s house so he could sleep on the way. I spent awhile there playing with Graham and chatting with the parents. I went to Babies R Us and got a few things and stopped by Target on the way home. Later that evening, I ran out to CVS and to the grocery store. When I got home that night, I was sitting on the couch and noticed something strange. I had missed a spot on my right leg. NO, I missed the entire lower right quadrant! My right leg looked like a fucking wildebeest and I had spent the entire day out in public shopping around in plain view and Florida sunlight. I immediately got embarrassed at the thought of strangers looking at my hairy-assed leg. And then realizing that only one of them was hairy and the other one was baby’s ass smooth. I felt like this guy.
Today was THE DAY that I had to volunteer at the book fair at Graham’s school. There were about five volunteers and maybe two customers so we all sat around and chatted. It was nice to get to know some of the other mothers from the school but I’m kind of a bumbling idiot in social situations so it’s a tough balance. There was a lull in the conversation so I stupidly decided to share my half-shaved-leg story with the prim and proper PTA mothers. Their horrified looks indicated that I would not be receiving an invitation to Bunco anytime soon.