Hear Me Roar

September 25, 2008 7:00 am


I have never been known to spend any time on beauty. I don’t wear makeup, don’t style my hair and I couldn’t  walk in heels to save my life. My wardrobe contains the minimal amount of dresses and skirts, just enough to get me through any dressy events we may need to attend, but certainly not any to wear on a daily basis. Flip flops and sandals are my shoes of choice and my showers take about six minutes from start to finish. I’d like to say my lack of primping is because I’m a big, badass feminist, but really it’s just laziness and lack of caring. This is how I’ve always been, I didn’t “let myself go” or at any certain point, it’s just me. Jamie fell in love with this version of me and I don’t plan on changing anytime soon.

It’s probably a good thing that I’m not a girly-girl because if I were, I don’t know where I would find the time to keep myself up. Having children put a damper on any and all personal time and I’m lucky if I get a quick shower in once a day (believe me, there are days when I don’t). I end up taking shortcuts, for instance, I only wash my hair every other day and I rarely shave my legs during the week. I know, gross, right? But really, what’s the point of wasting that extra ten minutes shaving my legs every day if I’m not planning on leaving the house? Or if I can get away with wearing jeans when I do go out? Jamie and the kids are the only ones looking and they don’t seem to mind a little stubble.

These past few weeks have been hellish around here and I’ve really been slacking in the leg-shaving department. When last weekend rolled around, it had probably been upwards of two weeks since I shaved and I knew I was going to be leaving the house AND wearing shorts so my time was up. I took a quick shower and did the deed. I don’t know about you, but I shave in quadrants, knee to bikini area, ankle to knee and repeat on second leg. I was feeling pretty smooth and got dressed and ready to go. This happened to be the day that Graham refused to nap so I took him with me to get some things done.

Graham fell asleep in the car (see Monday’s bitch fest) so we went to my parent’s house so he could sleep on the way. I spent awhile there playing with Graham and chatting with the parents. I went to Babies R Us and got a few things and stopped by Target on the way home. Later that evening, I ran out to CVS and to the grocery store. When I got home that night, I was sitting on the couch and noticed something strange. I had missed a spot on my right leg. NO, I missed the entire lower right quadrant! My right leg looked like a fucking wildebeest and I had spent the entire day out in public shopping around in plain view and Florida sunlight. I immediately got embarrassed at the thought of strangers looking at my hairy-assed leg. And then realizing that only one of them was hairy and the other one was baby’s ass smooth. I felt like this guy.

Today was THE DAY that I had to volunteer at the book fair at Graham’s school. There were about five volunteers and maybe two customers so we all sat around and chatted. It was nice to get to know some of the other mothers from the school but I’m kind of a bumbling idiot in social situations so it’s a tough balance. There was a lull in the conversation so I stupidly decided to share my half-shaved-leg story with the prim and proper PTA mothers. Their horrified looks indicated that I would not be receiving an invitation to Bunco anytime soon.

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  1. Sprite's Keeper

    Did you know it took me over an hour to read through this while working? Almost as long as it would take me to shave my legs. Kind of appropriate, I think. I’ve done this many times myself and I usually point it out to others to show that “Look, I’m an idiot! I’m not clueless!”

    Sprite’s Keepers last blog post..Chronological Scorecards

  2. HeatherPride

    That’s so funny. I cringe inwardly at the number of times I’ve made a jackass out of myself in front of the other moms in my neighborhood. (many.) I actually have a leg-shaving schedule: Tuesdays, Thursdays and once on the weekend. Isn’t that just sad?

    HeatherPrides last blog post..They’re BAAAAAAaaaaaack

  3. JuJu

    I shaved today for the first time in probably over two weeks and I have no ezcuse except laziness… my poor newlywed husband! It was so bad that I actually had to stop and clean out the blade before I could finish.
    AND I am sure that I will find a spot I missed while I am sitting at dinner in a dress with Rob’s parents.. that is just my luck!

  4. Christy

    I have totally done that before…if I would’ve been there when you told that story, we would’ve been instant BFFs! I like REAL people–not the ones that like everyone to think they’re perfect! We totally could’ve kicked their asses with our hairy legs too.

  5. Krystal

    LOL!!! I am so totally feeling you on this one! I have done this many times myself – my latest excuse is that my belly is too big and I can’t bend over enough to shave

    Krystals last blog post..Another case of "surrendering"

  6. cyndi

    Oh, THANK YOU, Casey! I’m sorry your social experience is not so great, but you made me laugh when I needed it and I think you ROCK! I always start at the bottom and work my way up 😉

    cyndis last blog post..Smells Like TEAM Spirit (nike ads?)

  7. mrsbear

    That. Was. Hilarious. I’m so sorry for your humiliation but any woman who doesn’t find that story funny, lol funny, obviously doesn’t have a sense of humor and is possibly a robot. Get out of Stepford! Don’t feel bad, I shave like once a week too. First couple of days after I shave are shorts days, after that capris, after that long pants, cause nobody wants to see Sasquatch wandering the Target aisles, kwim? 😉 Hope the kiddies are feeling better.

    mrsbears last blog post..Thursday Thirteen – The Joys of PMS

  8. jenboglass (steenkybee)

    Well, you’ve got me beat. I have two unshaven legs. I found your through HeatherPride. You’re a great storyteller!

    jenboglass (steenkybee)s last blog post..The Spin Cycle: My Truth Bombs and a Weekend With Sylvester Stallone

  9. Zip n Tizzy

    Too Funny!
    You can hang out with me anytime, I’m right there with you, except I’m fortunate to have very fine blond hair so you wouldn’t notice. I do, however, need a pedicure, so you have me beat in the flip flop dept.
    And I know those scowling ladies. You don’t want to go to their parties anyway!

  10. Miss Jack

    Why is it, when we tell these embarassing stories there is no one around to laugh with us because they’ve done the same thing? That is why I LOVE blogging so much. I get so much more needed feedback though my blogging friends. You story was HILARIOUS! I shave my legs the exact same way as you and I have missed a whole bottom leg too! Luckily, I’ve caught it before it was too late.

    Miss Jacks last blog post..Warm Fuzzies

  11. Mother Fonker-Kat

    Here’s something for ya…

    i haven’t shaved my legs ever! One of the finer advantages of having thunderthighs and legs is you always leave the house in pants … eliminating the need for shaving totally.

    Now I will always have a fucking wildebeest in mind when I see my legs 😀

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