Howdy Bitches, I’m back. What’d I miss?

We’re all settled into the new place. We made the cutoff and moved in on New Year’s Eve. There are still an assload of unpacked boxes but I’d say we’re pretty much settled. I will post before and after pictures of all the crazy work we did soon.

The new neighborhood puts us in the Land of Homeowner’s Associations, where our previous neighborhood was not. It took a week to get our first reprimanding letter.ย  So we can’t park our pickup truck outside overnight and we had thirty days to remedy the situation. These people don’t fuck around and will start charging you for violations and even put a lien on your house if you don’t pay. We scrambled to clear out a spot in the garage and look forward to future letters from our new homeowner’s association.

We’re only ten minutes from the beach and have gone a few times since the move. It’s awesome to be able to stop over without an hour drive home. Sand in the asscrack is much more tolerable when you know there is a hot shower ten minutes away.

My genius kid was ecstatic to listen to the sound of the ocean in a seashell he found last weekend.ย  He was standing NEXT TO the ocean so the soundtrack was playing in surround sound but I didn’t have the heart to tell him.

I recently recovered from a serious injury that plagued me for days.ย  It involved a large bowl of Peanut Butter Captain Crunch. Have you ever tried that shit? It’s sharp, sharp cereal. It scraped the roof of my mouth so bad that I could barely eat for two days after. On the third day, I poured myself another bowl. The Captain and I are in an abusive relationship and I just can’t stop myself from going back.

We sabotaged Elliot’s potty training progress with the move but she’s stepped it up again in the past week. I secretly don’t want to have a potty trained daughter because eww, have you seen public restrooms? She had an accident today at school and came home wearing someone else’s underwear. I know they’re two but still, gag me with a spoon.

Still no hits on the old house, it just sits empty. Our realtor is having an open house this weekend so if you know anyone looking, send them by.

I have to confess my love for Press and Seal. Have you tried it? It’s awesome. I used to be all, “what’s that weird shit, Saran Wrap is the only way to go” but now I’m team Press and Seal and Saran Wrap can go screw.

Our HP Laserjet printer has been on the fritz for a few months and is enough to piss me off. Which isn’t hard to do but still. Jamie read a thread online that said to bake the computer chip for ten minutes at 350 and it fucking worked. I’m still scratching my head thinking about the dumbass who tried that for the first time and realized they were onto something.

Don’t forget to tip your waiters.

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28 Comments

  1. Kendra
    on
    1

    I love peanut butter captain crunch but you definitely have to take a few days off from it.

  2. Sprite's Keeper
    on
    2

    Cap’n Crunch tried to take me when I was 10. I knew back then he was nothing but trouble.

  3. Stacy Uncorked
    on
    3

    WooHoo! You’re still amongst the living! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Sorry about your altercation with The Captain and his Crunchies. Ouch.

    Looking forward to seeing pictures of your new digs! You might need to take some with the truck parked outside just for fun. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Sending good thoughts that your old house will sell soon!!

  4. Cyndi at The Adventures of HarryJack
    on
    4

    Oh, joy ๐Ÿ™‚ Welcome back – can’t wait to see the pix! Hope the OH works this weekend

  5. Ginny Marie
    on
    5

    Hurray! You’re back! I’m glad you are in your new house!

    Press and Seal freaks Ed out, but it’s way to convenient for me to worry about that. I use it anyway! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  6. Peggy
    on
    6

    CASEY! You’re alive! Missed you girl! I need all the details of your move. Did I miss something? Where are you guys at now? Probably coming to SK in June if you’re still near there, we’re drinking!
    By the way, it’s Peggy from Chicago in case you forgot I existed! xoxo

  7. Michele
    on
    7

    I think the Quaker company puts some sort of addictive substance in ‘the Crunch’. It’s like the crack of breakfast cereal.

    Welcome back!

  8. Anne
    on
    8

    What’d you miss? Where should I start? That is great that you are near the beach. Once you get settled, we should brainstorm ways to drive the homeowners association crazy. I live for that kind of stuff.

  9. Michelle
    on
    9

    I have missed WAY more than you, no worries! Just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing. The new place sounds great… I’d kill for a trip to the beach right about now. ๐Ÿ™‚

  10. Julie @Momspective
    on
    10

    I did it. I psychically brought you back. Ask Kyooty. She’ll back me up.

  11. Beth
    on
    11

    You are going to love Homeowner ASSociations! I have a very tight relationship with mine….in fact, they write to me almost every week. So thoughtful!

    Glad to have you back!

  12. Shangrila
    on
    12

    Omigod! Hi! Congrats on the new house! I love press ‘n’ seal and have injured myself on Cap’n Crunch (the regular kind). Walker JUST potty-trained. I’d been super laid back (read: lazy) about it and then realized that his 4th birthday was just a few days away! I told him that after his birthday, we’d be all done with diapers and only use pull-ups at bedtime. I expected the usual accidents that first week, but nope! Instantly potty-trained. I don’t even have to remind him to take potty breaks. He doesn’t have nuk-ies anymore either and I had to convert his car seat to a booster. *sniff!*

  13. Mama Badger
    on
    13

    Oh, the Captain, he’s a bastard like that. Not like Sugar Bear at all.

    And home owner’s assoc can suck my backside. I might have told the president of ours his child looks like a monkey one day last week.

  14. kyooty
    on
    14

    YAY!!! you’re here!! I was sent here by the rescue crew that said that you were back., YAY! you are back, keep writing. Don’t go scaring us with mass disappearances. That’s my job…

    also there is a HUGE pile of dirt in my driveway, it must be moved…

  15. kyooty
    on
    15

    oops I’m wrong it’s snow!! which way to the beach?

  16. lin
    on
    16

    HOLY CRAP–you are BACK!!! Hooray!! Criminy, I’ve missed ya.

    Where to begin…..

    LOVE the association. Ugh. No wonder that word begins with “ass”. How effing ridiculous are THOSE rules? I’m sure you can’t “save the earth” and have a clothes pole outside either, right? Damn. It’s probably gonna cost you more than two mortgages to abide by their freaking rules. I think you’ll need to infiltrate their board–I’ll vote for you.

    I love the Capt’n too, but I have to say, I’m going with Lucky Charms now. Much easier on the roof of your mouth and……….They’re MAGICALLY DELICIOUS! You can’t beat that. Plus, whenever I eat them, I announce to my family “Hey! I’m eating Lucky Charms! And do you know why?….” To which they have heard this enough that they now answer “Because they are magically delicious”. It’s FAB. Although they don’t think so. Sigh.

    Missed ya, pally. Post some photos of those weird-diet kids you got there. I need a fix. (Does that sound wrong? I didn’t mean it to—-I just want to see how much they have grown) Sorry for the creep-alert there.

    Glad you are back.

  17. robin
    on
    17

    I’m thinking someone had to be stoned when they came up with the idea of baking a computer chip.
    Welcome back! Missed you!

  18. Sheila
    on
    18

    Welcome back! Im glad you got moved in and sorry about the house not selling. Where is it again? I am 10 minutes away from cold and gray and windy so you are at least one up on me.
    Have fun with the association. I was on my association’s board for a while. Highly entertaining and I enjoyed it…but I am not quite normal!

  19. anymommy
    on
    19

    You’re back! Glad the move went well. We’re potty training too. Death by potty training.

  20. Jenni
    on
    20

    Welcome back! Can’t wait to see photos of your new digs.

  21. Keely
    on
    21

    Wait, you live 10 minutes from the beach? When can I move in?

  22. Captain Dumbass
    on
    22

    You can’t park your own truck outside your own house? WTF, comrade?

  23. SuziCate
    on
    23

    Congrats on your first reprimand…oops, I meant your move in! Yeah, I tore my mouth up on CC, too, so I know exactly what you’re talking about. I know I said I was taking a bit of a break, but I came back today, I’m still going at a slower pace though.

  24. Andrea
    on
    24

    OMG She IS alive!! I’ve missed your wise-ass ways. The net just isn’t the same without you. Aren’t HOA’s fun? I wish ours was like yours. Apparently our neighbors can have not one but two wrecked trucks in front of the house and they get nary a glance. Just wait till I inform HOA I also think they are running a half way house for loud troublemaker teens.

    Can’t wait.

    If your old house was in a rocking neighborhood with good schools and a few hundred miles south…I’d be all over it. You did have a pool right?

    Cooked computer chips. That’s so weird you can’t even make that stuff up.

  25. Lizgizzy
    on
    25

    Welcome back!
    I moved away from an HOA after there was a shoving match over house paint colors. The instigator of the shoving match was on the HOA board, and joined the so he could approve the building of a red barn in his backyard complete with faux picket fence, which was against the rules. But being close to the beach may negate any negatives from the HOA.

    Captain Crunch is evil incarnate- I just canโ€™t take the mouth lacerations. I gave up on it long ago.

    The baking the chip in the oven idea is genius.

    Good luck with the sale of your old house!

  26. Mrsbear
    on
    26

    Ewww. A panty swap, I understand the circumstances but STILL.

    Wonder what other stuff you can nuke to repair.

    Glad to see you back and blablabla-ing.

  27. If I Could Escape
    on
    27

    OMFG — she lives, she breathes, she blogs again! How the hell are you?? x

  28. Leanne
    on
    28

    Owww. Peanut Butter Captain Crunch? Sounds like the perfect new diet….

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