I went to the movies with a friend the other night and neither of us had ever heard of anything playing(except The Social Network but I had promised to see it with another friend). We thought we were buying tickets for the Josh Duhamel/Kathryn Heigel movie but accidentally bought tickets to “You Again” with Sigourney Weaver. We didn’t realize we were in the wrong flick until the movie started rolling but stuck it out anyway.

I went to get a soda and came back to find my friend missing. I thought she was fucking with me but it turns out I walked into the original movie and not the one we were actually seeing.

There was a lady next to us who loudly exclaimed “uh oh” any time something interesting was about to happen. Or when a new character walked on screen. Or when the wind blew. It was a little distracting but I managed to refrain from punching the lady.

Jamie and I are in a recycling war. I have been busting my ass to keep the house clean enough to sell, but Jamie always leaves his empty cans sitting on the counter. The recycling bin is right outside the door, about 6 feet from the counter but I think he secretly likes pissing me off. Last week, I had just scoured and decluttered the entire kitchen when he dumped his can on the counter and I threw it at his stupid ass. Ok, I threw it in the general direction. Where he left it sit for a few hours before he finally put it in the recycling bin. Jerkface.

The house officially went on the market yesterday and I’ve been following the kids around cleaning up their messes ever since. I don’t know how long I can keep this shit up, I am more Pigpenesque and less neat freaky.

Oh, and our fucking Oak Tree is waging war on the driveway so we have to keep cleaning it off in the hopes that potential buyers don’t learn the evil that is that piece of shit tree.

My Mensa-worthy kids were at it again yesterday when they both purposely wedged themselves under the couch and then simultaneously freaked the fuck out when they realized they were stuck.

One of their new favorite activities is to play “puppies” and craw around barking and licking my leg (gross). The best is when they go in the dog crate and DEMAND that I lock them in there. Such a tempting babysitter but I’ve heard it’s illegal.

We’re having our first open house on Sunday and I’m not sure what to expect. We won’t be here so should I hide stuff? Are people going to be shitting in my toilets or sitting on my furniture? It kind of creeps me out making my house available to the general public. I kind of want to setup a webcam just to see how many of my nosy-assed neighbors show up. I could stream it live for you guys to watch too! Live random stranger pooping at Casey’s house! Woot!

That’s all for today, folks. Please have your realtor get with my realtor and submit your offers. In the mean time, stop by and give a shout to Keely.

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  1. Sprite's Keeper

    I think the entire can/recycling bin thing may be directly related to the whole dirty sock 2 feet away from the hamper thing. Interesting. Needs more research and yelling at husband..

  2. Jenni

    Nelson does this with the cans. Or, as I’m loading the dishwasher, he’ll come and put a dirty cup on the counter. Directly above the open dishwasher. JUST PUT IT IN THE DISHWASHER, ASSHOLE. IT IS OPEN. IT IS RIGHT THERE.

  3. Mama Badger

    My husband leaves his dishes right above the dishwasher, too. Damn men. Or he’ll lean over and rinse his hands in the sink right above a dish I just washed and was rinsing. WTF, man?

    I’ll be over to poop on Sunday. Make sure there is reading material available.

  4. Keely

    Well, when they’re DEMANDING…

  5. Captain Dumbass

    I’d totally set up a web cam. And a speaker. Or a remote air horn. Or fill the toilet with flies, a la Amityville Horror. My house probably wouldn’t sell.

  6. Beth

    No one should ever have to sell a house with little kids around. I hope it sells fast!

  7. Michele

    So pawning the kids off on the neighbors for a week is out? Keeping my fingers crossed that someone loves crapping in your toilet.

  8. Kate

    Good luck, I think I might be in your shoes too soon!

  9. Kendra

    Definitely understand the cans on the counter and dishes on the counter when the dishwasher is empty. So annoying. And good luck with the open house. Hope it sells quickly so you can go back to being pigpen!

  10. Anne

    Look at this. We are both in the blogosphere at the same time. Do you think it will implode? Good luck selling the house. Your realtor should be watching your valuables during the open house, but you might want to hide all your diamonds and fancy jewelry.

  11. Andrea

    Men are such idiots. You know m thoughts, I won’t go any further than that.

    Good luck with the house! I mean it took me four days to get over here and comment. But hey I made it.

  12. Holly at Tropic of Mom

    Outnumbered 2 to 1 told me to stop by or she was going to sic zombies on me. Or something like that.

    She said you are really cool and I should get to know you because we just found out my son has multiple food allergies. FML. And we went artificial-free in March.

    I think one of our oak trees is dying. So maybe there’s hope for your tree to do the same.

  13. Lin

    I’m thinking that if you do end up locking the “dogs” in the cage, that you should probably remove them if prospective home buyers are coming. Wouldn’t that be a nice surprise??! 😉

    Good luck keeping the house clean. I don’t have little ones and I think that would be crazy to accomplish here!

  14. Mrsbear

    People who talk during movies should be banned for life. Also, people who bring crying babies to watch non-cartoon movies after dark.

    Max was a werewolf all day yesterday. Every time he started howling, the dog would howl even louder. So fun. I totally would have locked him in the crate if he’d asked.


  15. kyooty

    I hope your open house went well. Sales vibes

  16. Lizgizzy

    Put up the webcam- fabulous idea! And put your valuables away in a super secret hidey place- people will go through your stuff.

  17. SuziCate

    My kids used to drive me crazy with the licking thing playing like they were puppies, was so glad when that phase was over! When my friends had their house up for sale and a realtor showed the house, someone stole all of the meds from their bathroom cabinet, Rx and nonRx…crazy huh?!

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