Elliot sailed through her ear tube/adenoid removal surgery just fine yesterday. She was a little pissy post-op but wouldn’t you be? Hopefully this is the end to her ear pain and she’ll be a new woman (toddler).

I had lunch at Panera last week and managed to thoroughly enjoy pissing some guy off. While waiting for my order, I witnessed him yell at the people in the back when they were clearly doing nothing wrong. I chuckled and said “wow, someone is angry today”. I kind of said it in my passive/aggressive “you’re an asshole” tone but the dude heard me and it set him off. He said “you try waiting for fucking people to acknowledge you and tell me if you get angry”. Then he walked off to his table yelling how some people need to “mind their own fucking business”. It was fun to poke the angry bear and I laughed my way to the drink fountain.

I texted Jamie to let him know about my run in and he warned me that I was probably going to get knifed by the angry dude. I agreed but thankfully, it didn’t happen.

We finally got Graham’s poop test results back last week and it’s not good. He definitely is allergic to gluten and news to us, soy too. So he’s basically allowed to eat cardboard and that’s it. My Betty Crocker skills are being used more and more each day and it sucks balls.

Poor Graham’s teachers. Like it’s not bad enough that I’m the weirdo dye-free parent, now we’re gluten free too. And soy. Did you know Play-Doh has gluten in it? So now every time they let him touch it, they have to scour his hands immediately afterward to avoid contamination. They LOVE me.

I had blood drawn last week to test me for the gluten crap too. The DNA swab showed that Graham got one Celiac’s DNA marker from each parent. Grr. The nurse did something wacky and I had blood dripping down my arm onto my jeans. She was mortified but I thought it was cool. I looked like someone from one of those crime scene shows.

Holy shit you guys, have you ever seen a toddler act wasted? They gave Elliot some sort of “drunk off your ass” syrup before taking her back yesterday and man did she let her guard down. Her little head was rolling back and her eyes were half open as she giggled and kissed Jamie over and over. It was hilarious and we asked for our own personal supply to give her at home. They declined.

We blew up our riding mower last week so we had to get a new one. Apparently, it’s a bad thing to run it with NO FUCKING OIL IN THE MOTOR. Uh, duh. That one cost us a pretty penny.

My mail lady hates us. It started when we had to sign for a letter and weren’t home the first two times she tried to deliver it. Then I started ordering all sorts of gluten free shit and she has to carry heavy boxes of flour to the door. Now she puts our mail in the very back of the mailbox so my lazy ass actually has to unbuckle my seat belt and open the car door to get it. Yeah, I drive to the mailbox but only when we’re on our way somewhere. You try walking to the mailbox with two toddlers who like to bolt and tell me how that works out for you. Lastly, my $5 off grocery coupon stopped showing up every week and I know it’s a conspiracy. How does one make up with a pissed off mail carrier?

My reader is approaching the 300 point and I plan on hiring a full time nanny so I can catch up with my blogging. What? Not a valid reason to have someone else watch my kids? Crap. Thanks to all of you who left kind words on my previous post. It was nice to hear I’m not alone in this crazy world of parenting, even if I am still crazy.

Check out Keely for the ultimate in randomness



  1. Mad Woman

    Glad that she came through the removal alright, albeit a tad drunk.

    Can they have Graham wear gloves while he plays with the PlayDoh? Easier than having to scrub his hands I would think.

    Good luck chica…I don’t envy you the cooking skills you’re going to need!

  2. Lin

    Whew! I’m glad girlfriend has her surgery behind her and all went well. I want some of that magic medicine though. Who wouldn’t want to be half loopy?? Oh yeah, I already am.

    Hey, start digging around on the blogs for how to cook gluten free. Stephanie is one of my blogger pallies that has some great recipes–including pizza–that you can make. Here is her blog: http://thedairy-freediva.blogspot.com She has lots of good things going on there.

    And fuck the teachers. That’s what they get with their sweet union contracts that make it impossible to fire their bad-teacher asses. Okay, so there are lots of good ones out there, the bad apples really spoil the bunch. Consider this your get-even. You’ll know what I’m talking about later on as they get older. Unless, of course, you are home schooling. 🙂

  3. Elle

    Glad the surgery went well. Shame they won’t give you some of that happy juice. I wish we had a drinking fountain filled with it at work that way the customers wouldn’t be such asses all the time.

    Mail carriers are an angry bunch in my experience. The only way to get on her good side is if you get a PO Box.

    Good luck with the all cardboard diet. The teachers are dealing with this more and more and you have to be “that mother” sometimes. J-Man has food allergies and it can be a constant battle.

  4. ck

    Where do I go to purchase “drunk off your ass” syrup for my kids?

    YOU, my dear, need a week away. You have had one hell of a few months. I think we should donate to the Casey-Cause. We’ll send you (and maybe Jamie, your call) somewhere far away. So you can be waited on, served, brought drinks. And be free to make a huge mess because someone will clean it up.

    What say you?

  5. SuperJenn

    My 4yo has to have surgery in a couple of weeks…that syrup sounds cool…except I’m not that sure it would be different than his every day psychotic self…maybe a tension breaker as they are getting ready to roll him back?

    Because I’m all about the coupon… befreeforme.com has info on gluten & allergy free coupons. I’m not a walking commercial…I promise. Okay..I might be..but nobody pays me…which is a problem I suppose I should work on. I just found that site last night so I have no idea. My SIL is celiac…or maybe its just her crohns… she hasn’t decided…either way gluten bothers her.

    I hire sitters 2x a week for 4 hours to watch my kids so I can blog…or stare at the computer screen and enjoy the silence…whichever seems more enjoyable to me those days.

  6. Maureen@IslandRoar

    I was thinking about you this w/e. So glad Elliot came thru all right. Love the imaage of her all happy and intoxicated. Wow, gluten and soy. But he got those celiac genes from you guys, so at least you have proof for all the lovely people out there that will want to call you crazy. Hopefully he’ll become more tolerant as he ages, but I know, that doesn’t help now….
    Maybe cookies or muffins for the mail lady?? Like you don’t have enough to do…

  7. Shelly

    My daughter got some loopy meds when she had to have a tooth pulled. She was so out of it.

    gluten in play-doh? didn’t know.

    Glad the surgery went well.

  8. Harriet

    I can’t believe that guy said that to you. That’s crazy.

    Have a great Tuesday!

  9. Ginny Marie

    I really hope Elliot starts feeling better! Poor kid. I’m glad you found out about the soy, too, but it’s in everything! I try to avoid it, not because I’m allergic, but because it can mimic estrogen and my breast cancer was estrogen fed. It’s nearly impossible! Umm, I really didn’t mean to discourage you, I just wanted to sympathize with you. Sorry!

    I once pissed off a teenaged girl, and when I got back to my car, my tire was flat. Coincidence? Maybe….

  10. Jenni

    I’m glad Elliott survived her surgery. You know, I had been meaning to email you about play doh even before the gluten thing because it’s loaded with food dye and I’m fairly certain it can seep through the skin.

  11. Julie From Momspective

    I’ve been living in a drama world because I am a drama girl (Madonna) and have missed you so dearly. I’m going to start pre-writing posts on the weekends so I can be social all week. Not commenting and reading made me sad, especially you and Keely. *sniff*

  12. Christopher (AKA: CaJoh)

    Stopping by from the Un Mom:

    Poking the angry bear and surviving– pretty cool. So glad the surgery went well.

    I hear cookies can please the savage mail carrier. Gives you an excuse to make it with “real” flower too.

    Thanks for your randomness,

  13. Suzicate

    Glad surgery went well. Sorry about the lawn mower…why can’t they be self maintaining?! My friend is a mail carrier, she says to leave the maillady cupcakes, but NOT the gluten free kind and she’ll make up with you…and maybe even get your $5 coupons back!

  14. Kathy

    I totally love the drunk toddler 🙂 Too bad they’re stingy and wouldn’t share! Happy RTT!

  15. Sprite's Keeper

    I drive past my driveway every evening to the mailbox and pull right up to get the mail. As you said, when the kid(s) want to help, it turns into an adventure you never signed up for.

  16. Erin@TheLocalsLoveIt

    Sounds like you’ve had quite the week.

    Glad you still have your sense of humor.

  17. Andrea

    I wouldn’t read you if you weren’t crazy. I like to be in touch with my own kind.

    You can make your own playdoh. My mom used to do it all the time. I think it’s just water and salt heated but email me if you want the recipe and my lazy butt will go look it up 🙂

  18. Sarah

    Hiring a nanny so that you can get caught up on your Reader is TOTALLY legit, whaddayou talkin’ about? Hiring a nanny so that you can do ANYTHING that will make you feel better, or human, is absolutely 100% allowable AND advisable.

    New here…so I guess I should’ve said HI first.
    But it could kinda work in reverse, right?


  19. Mrsbear

    I usually just open the front door and let the kids fetch the mail, that is why we had them, fetching…They rarely wander off in to traffic.

    I think all those sleepless nights are making you a little sassy. Thank goodness that guy was just a dill-hole and not a rifle carrying dill-hole.

    Glad Elliot made it through okay. Hope she has a speedy recovery that results in lots of naps. 😉

  20. Kendra

    Some people are such douches. Working in retail I have definitely learned that. Glad surgery went well. Hopefully the gluten free/soy free will work out equally as well.

  21. Michele

    This is my favorite glutten free stuff http://www.bobsredmill.com/recipes.php

    Getting a nanny in order to blog is totaly the right thing to do. Don’t let anyone tell you different. They are just jealous.

  22. Pammie

    Heads Up: You’ve been nominated for the Stiletto Award by me (http://pamelafaith.com/2010/03/ive-been-chosen-for-the-stiletto-award-i-dont-know-what-to-say/) Keep up the good work. Award details: http://thehusaileybunch.com/you-have-received-the-stiletto-award/

  23. Captain Dumbass

    That stuff they gave Elliot, does it come in an adult version?

  24. jessica

    I don’t know what I would do if my kid had a food allergy. I’m just that kind of lazy and I think it would kill me

  25. Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings

    Sounds like the gluten thing is going to be a huge pain, much like my corn allergy. I’m glad Elliott made it through the surgery OK. I’d comment more, but I’m at work and this computer hates me…or just your site…one or the other. 🙂

  26. Cat

    That guy sounds like he needed to get laid. If you were a good person, you would have helped him. Ironically, that would have been in a gluten-full restaurant.

  27. Lizgizzy

    I like my blogs crazy, which is why I keep coming back.

    You have way more balls than I do, I’m a bit too timid to confront folks that angry. But way to go and I’m glad you didn’t get stabbed.

    Can I have some toddler juice for my guy. Maybe he’d go to bed when he’s supposed to. I’m actually asking for me.

    I’m sorry your little ones have been having health issues. Hang in there.

  28. Keely

    You tip her. Well. Don’t wait til Christmas.

    I’m glad you didn’t get stabbed. I’m a passive-aggressive snickerer, too.

  29. FoN

    Now you know what Elliott will be like at parties when she’s sixteen. It could be worse – at least she didn’t start puking or telling her friends they’re sluts.

  30. On The Verge

    I am with you. I am still here and still crazy!

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