Before we get started, I’d like to apologize for the amount of shit here at HAGAY. It’s my life, though. You guys want me to be who I am, right?

Watching the winter Olympics, I can’t help but wonder what the men in skin tight outfits do if they get wood. Do they keep skating/skiing/curling and pretend it’s not there or do they grab a towel and cover that shit up? Tell me you haven’t thought the same.

We went to a wedding a few weeks back and I’m pretty sure it was the first time Graham has seen me all dressed up. I made quite an impression on him and even days later, he was still talking about the time I wore a dress. Then I came out of the bedroom to grab some clean clothes from the dryer and was towel-clad. Graham told me he “liked my dress” and how pretty I looked. I’ve set the fashion bar waaaay low around here, I’ll admit it.

Last week, I ran into one of the nurses from our pediatrician’s office at the grocery store. Being the stupid ass that I am, I told her that there was something on her forehead and tried to wipe it off. She kindly informed me that it was Ash Wednesday and she is Catholic. Oops.

Graham has been sick since this past weekend but today, he woke up with a fever of 105.8. This was a recordΒ  high for our house and I was freaking the fuck out. We were on our way out the door to the ER when it finally broke and so far hasn’t gone back up. Fingers crossed.

Potty Fest 2010 is in full swing around here with both kids in the middle of potty training. Graham FINALLY mastered pooping in the potty, thank Jesus. We went to Walmart the other day and the nice little old lady asked him how old he is and then told him he’s a big boy. Graham promptly told the lady that he poops in the potty. The lady smiled politely and switched checkout lanes.

Every time I try to put Elliot’s hair up, Graham insists I do the same for him. Elliot promptly rips out her ponytail holders along with clumps of hair but Graham is happy to wear his “piggies” out and about. I sent him to school with three pigtails in his hair one day last week and people looked appalled that I would let my three year old son wear pigtails. Lighten up, assholes. He’s three.

The other night, Elliot had a diaper blowout right before bed. After I got her cleaned up and put to bed, I ran out to pick up a pizza. I wore the same jeans to swim class and the grocery store the next day and it wasn’t until that night that I realized I had a 2″ clump of dried shit on the back of my pant leg. Shitty.

We’re on the brink of going gluten free in the land of HAGAY. I know, shoot me now but it looks like Graham might have a gluten intolerance so it might be necessary. I ordered a test from a lab in TX to narrow it down and the good thing is that I have to overnight them a tupperware bowl full of my son’s shit. Did I mention that I have to freeze it first? Now there’s frozen shit in my freezer and tomorrow, I get to shitbomb some lab in TX. How would you like to be the mail room guy at that place?


Go see Keely, her randomness is guaranteed to be way less shitty.

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39 Comments

  1. Bano
    on
    1

    Oh man, I love your posts. They always make me laugh! πŸ™‚

    How did you discover that Graham may be gluten intolerant? Sometimes I wonder if Mr. Clean has something like that but I don’t know much about it.

    BTW, I would definitely have freaked the fuck out if my kid had a fever that high! Holy shit! And I’m glad to hear that G is feeling better. Poor kid! At least he poops on the potty now. Screw the lady that moved lines. She obviously has no kids or no sense of humor (or neither).

  2. Cara
    on
    2

    Dude. Poor Graham. it’s one thing after another for that little man. I’m curious to know what got the gluten train rolling.

    Congrats on the whole potty training thing. I don’t even want to think about when we’re going to start little man. He screams every time I try to sit him on the toilet yet he’s obsessed with trying to put on his sister’s panties. Are you guys trying to nighttime train, too, or just getting the daytime knocked out right now?

  3. Fantastic Forrest
    on
    3

    I am desperately trying to come up with some pithy comment linking the smudgy forehead incident with the shitty jeans incident. Like “hey, if someone had come up to you and kindly pointed out the clump of dried shit, you could have said it was for Shit Thursday.”

    Nope. It just isn’t as funny as I’d hoped. But your post? That was funny. And Bano’s right. Screw that lady who changed lanes. Unless maybe she just saw a lane that was moving faster and it didn’t have anything to do with the potty declaration. In which case, sorry we misjudged you, lane changing lady.

  4. Michele
    on
    4

    The Hagay household is full of shitty antics these days. I have never thought about what male athletes do if they get wood while wearing those skin tight thingys. Can they even get wood if they are so tight? Do you think that the lycra has enough give to allow for wood growth? These are questions I’ll be pondering all day.

  5. Erin@TheLocalsLoveIt
    on
    5

    My goodness I love your posts.

    Sounds like you’ve had a shitty week of it.

    Your stories are so classic. Love them.

  6. Laufa
    on
    6

    Nice!
    Poor TX lab.
    Come warmer weather (which I know for you, could be next week), get some summer dresses. Then, it won’t be so surprising when you wear a dress.
    Remember you are watching the winter Olympics, they are cold (it should stay shrivelled).

  7. peggy
    on
    7

    Hahaha! Poor Casey!
    I have two birthdays this week…12 (OMG!) and Sarah is 4 today…shitty blowouts somehow make me wistful!

  8. Elle
    on
    8

    It’s amazing how shit somehow becomes normal.

    105.8 fever would’ve scared the shit out of me. Glad it broke because that’s crazy high.

    I’ve done the “you’ve got a smudge on your forehead” thing too. Now my mother always reminds me it’s Ash wednesday as if I’d forget that moment and repeat it.

  9. Mama Badger
    on
    9

    Holy krappe, that’s a high fever! I would have freaked the hell out, too. Glad it’s over.

    So, you had poopy pants, huh? And this is why PB and I always do a “poop scan” after we change a krappy diaper. Never can be too sure. And somehow little o gets poop everywhere (seriously. Saturday? Poop in his hair. Still had the diaper on. But poop in his hair…)

  10. Suzicate
    on
    10

    You crack me up! You sure have a lot of shit going on! I can just imagine you at the post office mailing your package and they ask you if you want to insure it and want to know what’s in it and you tell them shit…sorry, I’m still laughing!

  11. Cat
    on
    11

    I hardly know where to start with this one, except to say that maybe those people looked appalled not because of your son’s piggies but because of the fecal matter you were sporting.

  12. Kathy
    on
    12

    I hope you labeled the tupperware…it might be another pizza night! LOL this was great! Hope your little boy is doing better.

  13. Susan
    on
    13

    Hey Casey. Kind of a stalker here, but no fear because my BF is non other then SpriteKeeper(really, go ask her!!) Of couse her being my BF I read her post everyday and I try to read others as well. Yours is great and I enjoy reading it shitty post and all! Just wanted to let you know πŸ™‚

  14. Harriet
    on
  15. VandyJ
    on
    15

    Robin Williams has a bit on the winter Olympics and the two man luge. About how getting wood and having it waving in the wind cost them two hundreths of a second and the win. So, yes I have thought about wood and the Olympics before. His bit about ice dancing is great too.

  16. Jenni
    on
    16

    I’m so glad someone else’s life is as fill with shit as my own. Good luck w/the gluten test.

  17. Melanie
    on
    17

    “Lighten up assholes, he’s three.”

    HAHA! Perfect. I have thought the same things many times when people stare at me and my three year old when he is doing something typical of a three year old.

  18. Sprite's Keeper
    on
    18

    Screw that lady! There is nothing wrong with telling people you poop in the potty. I tell people all the time!

  19. Shelly
    on
    19

    You get to mail poop? How cool? Keeping it in the freezer? Not so much.

    You reminded me of the time my son told a woman that he was no longer allowed to pee in the pool but that he must get out and pee in the grass instead. It was during his interview for pre-school. He still got in:)

  20. Christopher (AKA: CaJoh)
    on
    20

    Man… poop on the pants and fudge-poop pops in the freezer. You ain’t kiddin’ there’s a lot of bull in the house.

    Thanks for your randomness,

  21. Julie From Momspective
    on
    21

    It’s refreshing to read about someone who talks as much about shit as I do.

  22. Captain Dumbass
    on
    22

    Wood? It’s the WINTER Olympics.

  23. Bano
    on
    23

    Haha! Yeah, seems like shrinkage would be more likely. Although there *is* a lot of adrenaline pumping through those veins…

  24. robin
    on
    24

    OMG! I just laughed out loud over the poop on your pants. So funny! (And that would totally happen to me, only I’d have it smeared on my forehead.. ash wednesday be damned!)

  25. Keely
    on
    25

    Poopsicles? Really? Can there not be a blood test for that or something?

    I put x’s hair in pigtails all the time when it was longer. Meh. He’ll get over it, he’s 2.

  26. Ginny Marie
    on
    26

    OMG, you sure do write a lot about shit! Just think, one day you’ll be able to look back at your blog and be thankful you don’t have to deal with so much shit anymore. At least in the literal sense. πŸ˜‰

  27. jessica
    on
    27

    there are days I think I’m the only one and then and then I read this and think, thank you God, I’m not alone and don’t have a job in that mailroom, to be sure.

  28. Maureen@IslandRoar
    on
    28

    There is certainly a lot of poop over in your neck of the woods!
    My son used to like to have nail polish when I did mine or his sister’s, when he was about 6 or 7. People thought I was a horrible mom to let him have it.
    Isn’t gluten in tons of stuff? I hope this wont’ make diets even harder, but it’ll be worth it if he’s allergic…

  29. Karen @ If I Could Escape
    on
    29

    Your tales of shit always make me chuckle! Got a couple of my own to blog about. Well, maybe not quite my own — my little one’s!!!

  30. Cyndi
    on
    30

    Missed you, funny lady! My fashion bar is probably lower than yours, but hopefully their girlfriends will reap the benefits with the compliments someday πŸ˜‰ I’m a little worried about the hose fetish, but shit happens!

  31. Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings
    on
    31

    Good luck on the potty training! It’s a journey… a long journey! As you know already…ahem… well…whatever.

    We’ve been dealing with a lot of crap over here too. πŸ™‚

  32. kyooty
    on
    32

    Oh shit! that’s a lot of shit in one post! I hope you find out what’s up with Graham

  33. Steenky Bee
    on
    33

    Dood. You had poop on you pants? This has to be a hall of famer in my book. Oh my GAH. It happens though. Literally, shit does happen. And how you kept any sort of cool with that raging fever is beyond me.

  34. Lin
    on
    34

    What kind of old lady was that??!Everyone knows that going on the potty is big stuff and you need to acknowledge that! Sheesh. C’mon, Grandma, throw the kid a bone here. It isn’t like it was me saying I went potty that morning.

    Glad the fever is gone. Hell, the cat had a super high temp this week and I freaked. Can’t imagine it being the kid.

  35. Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)
    on
    35

    I have wondered about the men in tights getting wood. Glad The Captain cleared that up for me. πŸ˜‰

    I absolutely would have freaked out about a temperature of 105.8! Glad it broke and that G’s OK! It’s one thing after another – you poor thing!

    Frozen shit…heh, heh!

    I saw your comment on Jessica’s blog that you’ve booked your BlogHer trip! WooHoo! That means I get to meet you in person! Well, if you want to, that is… πŸ˜‰

  36. ck
    on
    36

    No one talks shit the way you do, Casey.

  37. Tracie
    on
    37

    Yikes! That’s a really high fever. I’m glad he’s ok. You’re going to let the lab keep the Tupperware, right?

  38. peg
    on
    38

    Hey Ms. Sunshine. I have an award for you on my blog!

  39. Mrsbear
    on
    39

    Oh no! I didn’t know about the shitty pants. Gah, hopefully the stain resembled some kind of food stuff, although you would know exactly what it was you were wearing. That’s bad. No wonder Graham thinks a towel is the height of fashion. πŸ˜‰

    I could confess some of my grosser fashion faux pas, but I won’t. Know poop is a hot topic here as well, I’m just not shipping it cross country via the USPS.

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