Potty training is in full swing here in the land of HAGAY. Both kids get a jelly beans (dye-free) every time they go on the potty but it’s caused Elliot to start losing her shit. You see, she doesn’t actually EAT said jelly bean, she carries it around and shows it to everyone about a million times and every once in awhile, licks it for good measure. Then, after about an hour, she loses the fucking jelly bean somewhere and flips her lid when she can’t find it. Repeat process EVERY TIME SHE GOES ON THE POTTY. I love it.

The other day, Elliot was so distraught over having to hand over her coveted jelly bean to nap that I said screw it and put her down for her nap with the stupid thing clutched in her tiny hand. Sometimes, it’s just not worth the fight. She napped better than she has in months and then woke up still holding the stupid jelly bean.

I feel like I said “jelly bean” too many times for one post. Jelly bean. Jelly bean. Jelly bean.

We went to a good friend’s wedding over the weekend and it felt weird to just be away from my kids for six hours. Even weirder is the fact that my and kids had people over to play while I was gone. They even worked on a Valentines art project without me. Don’t let me interfere with your social calendars, guys.

During the play date, Elliot was kind enough to shit her guts out and then pull it out of her diaper. With shit smeared hands, she chased my friend’s daughter down the hallway, traumatizing her for life. I am thankful that I wasn’t home for that cleanup operation.

I recorded Puppy Bowl but haven’t had a chance to watch it yet. Please, nobody give away the ending.

Have you seen this Google ad? It’s worth watching.

A couple of weeks back, Mrs Bear and I let our kids Skype each other. It was cool to see her adorable kid in person but Elliot wouldn’t stop trying to “share” her snack by smashing Goldfish into the screen. We’re planning a followup meeting today to discuss current events. Technology is grand.

I want to point out the fact that as I write this (Monday evening), I haven’t showered yet today. And I won’t until tomorrow since showering wakes up the kids. And then I might not get to tomorrow since the kids don’t have school and we have swim class and a play date. It’s looking like Wednesday might be my shower day this month. Time to slap on another layer of deodorant.

Graham has recently taken up the sport of nose picking. He’s a champion and he always shares the prize with me. So whenever we’re in a store, and he hands me a balled up booger, I have no choice but to stick it in my pocket for later. What has my life come to?

Jamie and I tell each other everything. Like the other morning when I got an interesting text from him while he was at his annual doctor’s appointment. It read “Just got a finger in my butt. Want anything from McDonalds?”. It’s that kind of open communication that keeps our relationship strong. That and the fact that I don’t have to stick my finger in his butt.

Go see Keely, but keep your fingers to yourself.


  1. Cyndi

    Hey, you cheated – it’s only Monday! Eww. Ewww. Aw. Ewwwww. Happy Tuesday. I want to Skype!

  2. Captain Dumbass

    Did you get anything from McDonalds?

  3. jessica

    okay, that last part was hilarious and fucking disgusting all at the same which is why I love you. Oh and the booger in the pocket, “for later”.

  4. Tracie

    You brightened up my day with booger balls and prostate exams. Oh, and the Google search clip was brillz. I’ll be sharing that one today.

  5. Sprite's Keeper

    As long as it wasn’t HIS finger in his butt, there should be no problem with the food. πŸ™‚

  6. Andrea

    It’s always interesting reading over here. Kind of hard to know what to comment on.

    My girl’s a champion at holding stuff while she sleeps. You can take off her shoes her coat whatever but dare to take stuff out of her hand when asleep? Mother of god it’s like Satan raining down on you.

    Happy RTT!

  7. Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)

    I need to sign up with Skype – I bet Princess Nagger would have a blast chatting with other kids. I would have been laughing so hard seeing Elliot trying to ‘share’ her goldfish through the screen. πŸ™‚ At least she didn’t try to traumatize Mrs. Bear’s kids with her poop incident. πŸ˜‰

  8. Michele

    I’ll try the goldfish mashing next time I Skype with the kids. They will think I’m crazy. I like to make them think I’m crazy. Keeps them on their toes.

  9. Harriet

    I’ve been hearing a lot of talk about jelly beans lately.

    Have a great RTT

  10. Suzicate

    Love that text. Life was on your side when you didn’t have to clean up that shitty mess!

  11. Christina @RantRaveRoll

    I’m still laughing at the visual of being chased by shitty hands. I have Skype on our new computers but have never set it up or used it. Not quite sure what I’m witing for really. Oh, and jelly bean… jelly bean… jelly bean. πŸ˜‰

  12. Cat

    That Elliot. She’s a girl after my own shit-smeared heart.

  13. steenky bee

    There’s an actual Puppy Bowl? I thought that was a joke? Are you serious? I have been missing out on this all this time?

    Your kiddos sound like mine. They have a more active social calendar than I do. Oh to be 3 ft tall and popular!

  14. Keely

    Nice. X’s currently favorite thing to sleep with is this electronic ‘animals’ book with many buttons. So he’ll roll over and at 3am you’ll hear, “Lion. Lion. Lion. Giraffe! Lion.”

    And he doesn’t wake up. This, from a kid that can’t sleep through if we have a whispered conversation.

  15. mrsbear

    You missed a poop smearing incident? That’s why you’ll never win Lotto, you spent up all your luck on that one. Blech.

    Pocketing boogers, huh? What are you teaching them kids over there?! Don’t blame the dye this time. πŸ˜› At least Graham didn’t try to share his found treasure through your laptop screen.

  16. K

    I think I’d be willing to deal with jelly bean drama if my son would just use the freakin’ potty.

    Glad you missed the poo chasing incident.

  17. Christopher (AKA: CaJoh)

    The think I liked about Puppy Bowl VI (Yes, friends it’s been around for 6 years) is that they repeat it throughout the day. One highlight this year is the cheerleaders (Who apparently nap the whole time– go figure).

    Thanks for your randomness,

  18. Mama Badger

    Wow, a windfall of poop this week,huh?

    At least the jelly bean was in her hand! LG stores things in his cheeks like a damn chipmunk. We have to check his mouth before we put him down to make sure he’s chewed and swallowed everything (and most frequently he’ll just spit whatevers in there into your hand…)

  19. Shelly

    Wow. Glad you were at that wedding. Sorry for whoever was watching the kids. You OWE them, HUGE. My kids usually just eat their boogers, so I don’t have to pocket them (I know, gross) My husband would love to share like that…I would prefer he didn’t.

  20. Maureen@IslandRoar

    Virtual play-dates, I wonder what comes next. I love the jelly bean story. Jelly beans are famous in my family because I guess my mother had to take my sister to the doctor for sticking one too far up her nose. My mother always tells this story like she’s still mad at her, so I guess it was a traumatic day.

  21. Jenni

    you have TWO children potty training? Jealous. Although Oscar did take a massive dump on the potty today. I was like, “Wow, that’s a big one!” And then for the rest of the afternoon he kept asking, “Was it a big one, Mommy? Was my poop a big one?”

  22. Happily Retired Gal

    Wonderful randomness of the motherhood kind … let’s hear it for mem’riez from the past!
    Hugs and blessings,

  23. Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings

    we’re well into potty training too but I don’t use rewards…

    Ahem. Unless you count “If you go you can watch cartoons” or “If you go you can stay up a little longer. . ” Or…well, yeah, so I do the same thing. *sigh* But now..how to get him to poop in the potty!?

  24. Bano

    LMAO – Sounds like a text Mr. Clean would send me!

    I keep hearing that getting to take a shower becomes a privilege rather than a right once you hit motherhood. I guess I’ll find out in about a month. I’m stocking up on deodorant.

  25. trifitmom

    holy cow sounds like quite the playdate for your kids

  26. Karen @ If I Could Escape

    I’m still laughing at this post!! Oh my!!

  27. ck

    Puppy bowl fan, huh? We were up there playing with the puppies during the filming.

    You know, back in the days before snow when we could actually leave the house.

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