January 4, 2010 11:51 am
Welcome to month 16 of Club HASAY! Not sure what HASAY is? Read all about it here.
A Decade in the Making
I recently read somewhere that baby weight that you don’t shed within the first year usually sticks around indefinitely. I wish that I could say that was my long term problem but I was struggling before I popped out two kids. They just added an extra few layers of belly fat to an already increasing waistline. Thanks, guys. Elliot is almost twenty-one months and Graham just turned three so I fear the bulge is holding on for dear life.
Having been athletic my entire life, I always ate what I wanted and never worried about putting on weight. Growing up in a house with two older brothers, I scarfed any available sweets or soda quickly before someone else beat me to them. Once my metabolism slowed down, these two things led to my demise. I still eat like shit and scarf my food, it’s a pattern I haven’t yet been able to break. Jamie has even noticed my marathon eating and tells me to slow down and enjoy my food. Still, my plate is usually clean before he’s eaten his first few bites. Old habits are hard to break.
Although I still scarf my food and eat like shit, my eating today is also stress induced. When the kids stress me out, I eat some chocolate. When I’m trying to eat and the kids are screaming at the table, I scarf my meal as fast as I can so I can at least eat something. It’s not healthy and I want to change, but I just need to figure out how.
Let’s talk exercise or lack thereof. A few months back, I was in a great routine of hitting the gym four or five times a week. It felt great, actually, and my clothes were starting to fit again. Then the kids got sick and Graham stopped sleeping and I fell off the wagon hard. I haven’t been able to climb back on and I can honestly say that I weigh the most today that I’ve ever weighed in my entire life.
Things have got to change around here in HASAYville. I’m embarrassed to be seen in photographs, by my husband, by friends and family. I’m the only one who cares about my weight but still, it consumes every thought of every second of every day. It’s depressing. So here we are, in an entirely new decade but I’m still chugging along, fatty business as usual. I vow, again, to get off of my fat fucking ass and do something about my weight. I’ve stocked the fridge with veggies and plan to reach for the carrots instead of the cookie dough. I’m going to ease myself back into the gym and form a long lasting routine. God, that sounds like such bullshit to read but I mean it this time. I have to. Who’s with me?