December 28, 2009 10:54 pm
Ever since we moved Graham to a toddler bed a couple of months back, he has completely lost the ability to sleep. As in waking up every 45 minutes and coming to find us. It sucks donkey balls and Jamie and I take shifts so we can each get uninterrupted sleep every other night. So now, whoever is on duty will camp out on the couch and wait for Graham’s 11-2 am wakeup, at which point we’ll spend the remainder of the night on the floor in his room so we can quickly get him back to sleep when he wakes up. I hate my life.
I never imagined myself hosting sleepovers with a three year old every night, especially without a tent and a campfire. Due to the uncomfortable nature of the fucking FLOOR, I’ve been hobbling around like a 90 year old for the past couple of months.
The other night while I was pulling my Graham shift, a mosquito started dive-bombing my head. I did the only rational thing and hid under the covers, hoping it would go away. So there I was, smothering myself in my own blanket-induced CO2 cloud to avoid being eaten alive.
Ahh, Christmas. I’m so glad it’s over. I consider it a Christmas miracle that my kids made it through the day alive since they fought over new toys the entire day long.
I impulse bought a 50% off LED cherry blossom tree over the weekend at Target. Jamie smirked when I brought it home and doesn’t think it’s half as cool as I do. Yesterday, I found the receipt and noticed that they never charged me for it. So I went back today and admitted my unintentional shoplifting mistake and paid for the stupid thing. I think that qualifies me for sainthood.
On my way to return said tree, some guy decided that I was apparently following too closely as we entered the parking lot (I wasn’t!!!). Said fuckwad SLAMMED ON HIS FUCKING BRAKES and left me stranded in the middle of the street with oncoming traffic coming my way. The dude wouldn’t budge so I pulled off onto the shoulder to get out of the way of the honking car that was speeding toward me. Then the dude rolled down his window and called me a fucking bitch. So (since my kids weren’t with me), I let my potty mouth fly and screamed “MOVE OUT OF THE WAY, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!” and eventually he did. On shaky legs, I proceeded to Target to pay for my stolen item. My only regret is that I didn’t use one of my favorite (thanks, Captain Dumbass) go to words, Douche Canoe.
So I fear I’ve set a bad example for Graham with my shoplifting. The other day, he came home from school with a stolen pepper shaker from his classroom kitchen set. I immediately (the next day) marched him back to school and made him return said stolen item. No kid if mine is going to be a thief.
Play Doh has become the bane of my existence. I’d never let it in my house before now, but Graham got two different sets for his birthday a few weeks back. I don’t mind it so much except that the kids refuse to actually make anything with it. Instead they boss Jamie and I around to “make a star, make a ball, make a circle, make a square, make a cookie, make a triangle”, yada yada. Play Doh is the first thing Graham asks for in the morning and the last thing at night. I’ve totally turned into someone’s Play Doh bitch.
I made my mom framed silhouettes of the kids for one of her Xmas presents. It turned out pretty well, considering I had the kids sit STILL while I traced their shadows onto a piece of paper:
The first picture of Elliot actually made her look like a caveman so I’m glad I went with drawing #2:
Speaking of cavemen, Elliot has decided to start living off the land. As in eating EVERYTHING. This has actually been going on for over a year but it’s to the point where I actually need to talk to her doctor about it. She will eat dirt, sand, grass, bugs, lint, string, Play Doh, chalk, POOP, pretty much anything. The troublesome thing is that she rips out CLUMPS full of hair and eats those. So now we’re on our way to needing to surgically remove a hairball from my one year old daughter.
Tags: Random Tuesday Thoughts