January 19, 2010 1:34 am
I just got back from girl’s night with a couple of friends. At my age, girl’s night consists of a trip to Ikea to lounge around in the showrooms and pretend we don’t have ornery toddlers at home, followed by appetizers at Fridays. It was glorious.
Oh, except for the cat. One ran out in front of my friend’s truck and unfortunately, got hit. More like pulverized. My friends were too chicken to assess the damage so I had to go and check on the poor cat and watch it twitch and bleed out in the middle of the road. It was bad, there wasn’t anything we could have done for the poor guy. Not bad enough to make me skip appetizers at Fridays though.
So Jesus has been walking around Tampa for the last few months. I’m not sure exactly where he’s going but he walks around all day, barefoot and clad in his white robe. I found this shot that someone snapped of him:
I’m thinking about springing for a bus pass for poor Jesus since his feet have got to be sore by now. I know he’s not the real deal because I saw him walking next to water one day when we all know the real Jesus can totally walk on water. Impostor. Also, the real Jesus would have brought the cat back from the dead.
Jamie told me I’ve officially become a mom because of my newfound love of coupon clipping. And the fact that I actually got a fucking coupon organizer and mulled over categories when I was sorting all of my coupons out. And resorted them several times until the categories were a good fit. Coupons are all I’ve got left, man.
I spent $130 on a pair of running shoes yesterday. Let me just say that this is THE MOST I’VE EVER SPENT ON AN ITEM OF CLOTHING BEFORE. Well, besides my wedding dress. I feel skinnier just having purchased the damn things. Is that possible? It is. Look at my ass, DAY-UM!
We’ve had a shitty-assed food dye filled weekend. It turns out that there was something hidden in the new vitamins we switched to and I was one step away from swerving into a light pole and ending it all this weekend. My kids were that bad. Relax, I would never really swerve into a light pole. There’s no guarantee it would work.
There’s an unruly kid with dead eyes at Gymboree. Jamie told me that he’s sure the kid is “on the dye”. So now we’re walking around diagnosing other people’s kids with the food dye crazies but we can’t actually tell the parents or they’ll think we’re nuts too.
I ran into a neighbor at Target on Sunday morning and we commented how we were both up bright and early. “Oh, I had to come”, I said, “It’s the only way I can escape my family”. She just looked at me uncomfortably because she couldn’t pick up on the sarcasm in my voice.
The other day there was a guy working at the house and in conversation, he said something about duct tape. So I said, “oh yeah, like I use to tie my kids up in their rooms.” He laughed nervously and has probably alerted the authorities by now.
People don’t get me.
I got a little frisky with Jamie in the kitchen the other day and accidentally gave him a hickey. You know, cause we’re twelve. We saw my mom today and Jamie totally had to keep his sweatshirt bunched up on his neck so she didn’t catch on. Because she might have sent me to my room. Come to think of it, being sent to my room wouldn’t have been half bad as long as I didn’t have to take the kids along. Adult time out, anyone?
Tags: Random Tuesday Thoughts