September 22, 2009 12:11 am
While emptying my junk mail folder this morning, an email caught my eye. The subject said “gain 3 inches!!” and I was initially confused. Why would someone want to gain inches when the focus of diet and exercise is to be thin? Ohhhhhhhh. Yeah. It took me a minute.
I completed a successful Craigslist transaction last night without being murdered. I drove to an undisclosed location and bought an easel for Elliot’s classroom. It’s worth the risk of murder to get on her teacher’s good side.
Speaking of Craigslist, this is the best ad of all time. We’ve given away a few things on Craigslist and it’s amazing what kind of idiots come out of the woodwork for free shit.
I’m too old to rock out. On the way to pick up the kids yesterday, I rolled down the windows and jammed out to old school Alanis. I was doing the funky arm dance out the window when BAM!!!!, a fucking bug dive bombed my arm and scared the living shit out of me. I managed to keep from swerving off the road but I had bug guts all down my forearm.
Yesterday, someone Googled “I need my deceased mother to talk to me” and got to my site. I’m a little freaked out by the fact that I can somehow offer advice on how to talk to dead people and I probably won’t sleep tonight since deceased mothers probably talk too much.
We recorded the sucktastic Bucs game on Sunday and watched it after the kids went to bed. I had to yell at every person I talked to that day to NOT tell me the score and I stayed off of the computer so I didn’t accidentally read it somewhere. It’s hard to stay in the dark about crap like that.
Do you remember Martin, the guy who has been mistakenly emailing me for the past year? A few weeks ago, he sent me a copy of a business proposal to look over so I felt bad and let him in on the little secret. He’d signed the email “dad” so I politely informed him that I’m not his kid. Apparently that wasn’t good enough since the bastard is STILL emailing me several times a week.
Bed sheets are evil. I sleep with a blanket but every time I give sheets another chance, I wake up with it wrapped around my neck and trying to strangle me. See? Evil.
My dog sat in the mulch yesterday and got a chunk stuck IN HER ASSHOLE. I had to pull it out before I let her in the house since it would eventually fall out and probably be eaten by Elliot if I didn’t. If you had asked me ten years ago if I’d be pulling mulch out of dog assholes, I would have thought you were nuts. But here I am. Life is grand.
Tags: Random Tuesday Thoughts