Dear guy at the gym who got on the elliptical next to me last Friday: Yes, I stopped exercising as soon as I smelled shit and I’m pretty sure you shit yourself while you were over there lifting weights. You have shit in your pants. Check it before you wreck it.

The other day while bra shopping, the overly friendly store clerk complimented me on one of the bras I picked out. “This bra is great since it doesn’t feel like your Grandma’s bra.” I told her that’s good since my grandma is dead and she just stared at me like I had a second head. I guess I’m not as funny as I think.

I can never remember when to use affect/effect and it drives me nuts. I used to know the difference but my brain has turned to mush since having kids and all grammar rules have gone out the window. Who knew popping out kids would affect/effect me like this?

Last week at the gym, I kept accidentally reaching for the swinging arm thingies on the elliptical next to mine. The lady on that machine didn’t look amused, even though I was pretty much offering to go in halvsies on her workout.

I no longer make my 2 1/2 year old happy. He recently declared that he loves Miss Sam (his swim teacher) and that “Miss Sam makes me happy!”. That’s all well and good but when I asked him if I make him happy, he told me no.

Something funky has been going on with my scalp lately and it itches when I exercise. You’ll recognize me as the freaky girl at the gym scratching the hell out of my scalp like I’m patient zero in the latest head lice outbreak.

Does anybody else get slightly uncomfortable while watching the new McDonalds commercial? The guy is basically molesting a gas pump. I feel like a pervert when I watch it.

This guy is a moron. A hilarious moron. If you have a minute, watch the video as this dude smashes his fucking car through a store window to steal a sex toy.

Hey Keely, don’t make it bad.
Take a bad blog and make it better.
Remember to post your randomness,
Then you can start to make it better.

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33 Comments

  1. jen
    on
    1

    see … i should go to the gym for blogging material …
    if nothing else.

  2. jenni
    on
    2

    moms know when someone shits there pants. he shit next to the wrong woman.

    and the bra store lady? that kills me.

  3. Kat
    on
    3

    The things people do for love or errrr lovin’….

  4. Lin
    on
    4

    And that is why I cannot bring myself to go to the gym. Weird ladies grabbing my machine, old guy farting next to me, dude crapping his pants, ancient old dude pulling on his jowls while he pedals away….

    Ick. Ick. Ick.

  5. blueviolet
    on
    5

    Why the guy felt he needed to drive into the building to steal something is beyond me. Why couldn’t he just break the glass and run in? Not that I am condoning that either. Just for a sex toy, atta boy.

  6. Raven
    on
    6

    I thought your ‘my grandma is dead’ joke was hilarious! Some people just have no sense of humor!

    Don’t ya love it when your kids discard you for someone else like year old stinky cheese?

    My head always itches when I sweat too. I don’t know why.

    I haven’t seen the new McDonald’s commercial yet. I’ll have to see if I can find it on YouTube.

    Great Random Thoughts!

    Raven

  7. Maureen@IslandRoar
    on
    7

    Isn’t it sad when people don’t appreciate our clever senses of humor?
    I thought it was funny.

  8. Harriet
    on
    8

    That once happened to me at a gym. Some guy got off a bike and his pants were soiled. Which is why I now have a home gym.

    Have a great Tuesday.
    http://iamharriet.blogspot.com/2009/09/bugged-by-flu.html

  9. Julie@Momspective
    on
    9

    I once went in a changing room and told the person next to me I was out of toilet paper, they didn’t find that nearly as funny as I did.

  10. Andrea
    on
    10

    This is exactly why I don’t belong to a gym (though it provides some good blog stories). Too many weirdos.

    Naturally I don’t mean you.

  11. Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)
    on
    11

    Wonder if that guy was wearing depends? I guess that depends on if he does that shit often.

    That bra store lady obviously has no sense of humor – I almost snorted coffee through my nose when I read that. πŸ˜‰

    I haven’t seen the new McDonald’s commercial – now I’ll be paying attention to see if I catch it just to concur with your take on it. πŸ˜‰

    I had to watch that video twice because I was so flabbergasted…

    Happy RTT! πŸ™‚

  12. Elle
    on
    12

    The whole gym guy that smelled like shit reminded me of that SNL skit..Oops I crapped my pants. Thanks for giving me another reason to stay away from the gym.

    Your grandmother joke was funny! Some people just have no sense of humor. Or maybe her grandmother just died.

    I can’t believe the guy drove into the store to steal one sex toy. Talk about desperate. I wonder what effect/affect it had on his car.

  13. A Tired Wife
    on
    13

    I want to know what kind of sex toy costs $300.00 and what does it do?

  14. Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings
    on
    14

    I don’t make my 2 year old happy anymore either. He spent last night screeching at me and making me wish I had ear plugs. Every morning we have this talk. I tell him he can’t yell at me anymore. Then I tell him he has to go to bed early that night. He always agrees. But then that night….we are back where we started. Arrgh!

  15. robin
    on
    15

    The guy shit his pants? SERIOUSLY? How does one continue doing ANYTHING, mind you bouncing up and down on an elliptical, with a load in one’s drawers? That’s just beyond comprehension.

  16. HeatherPride
    on
    16

    Man, that guy was hard up for a hard…….

    That was so inappropriate. I’m going to leave now.

  17. mrsbear
    on
    17

    Wow, because driving your car through a sex store is so much less embarrassing than walking in during regular business hours. I love that he was looking for something very specific. What an ass!

    And eww on the crappy neighbor at the ellipticals. Someone else’s shit cloud is an exercise deterrent in my opinion.

  18. Sprite's Keeper
    on
    18

    Okay! One more time! Out of love for you:
    affect: the act of doing: when you are affecting someone with something you do. Example: “Does sticking this needle in your eyeball affect you in anyway?”
    effect: the result of an action. Example: “What is the effect you felt when I stuck that needle in your eyeball?”
    We good? πŸ™‚

  19. Captain Dumbass
    on
    19

    $300? No wonder he stole it.

  20. WickedStepMom
    on
    20

    Who would pay $300?!?

  21. Mrs. C.
    on
    21

    For $300 it better wax his car AND his knob…

  22. kyooty
    on
    22

    well maybe they will put up a late night drive thru now?

    you must be shitting me about the guy at hte gym?

    I love our clickable!

  23. kyooty
    on
    23

    Your Clickable, darn laptop keys!

  24. Mad Woman
    on
    24

    I would be ecstatic if someone would go in on a workout with me. And ewww to the shit pants guy!

  25. Michele
    on
    25

    $300? Dude your hands are free. Grandma bras had pencil point tips. Who wants that?

  26. Cara
    on
    26

    Jesus. If running into people like that isn’t enough reason for me to get my ass into a gym, I don’t think anything will ever motivate me.

  27. Ane
    on
    27

    Haha @ the dude who shit his pants… and Eww!

    OMG, that guy IS a moron!!! He only stole ONE sex toy? Come on, now we know this isn’t real… LOL πŸ˜€

    Have a great week Casey! πŸ˜€

  28. cyndi
    on
    28

    There’s a really stinky guy at my Y, too, and I just realized what that smell I couldn’t place is….ewwww! I didn’t read all the comments, so maybe it’s been said but I remember a/e as E-ffect is the R-E-sult…maybe I’ll go back and see if there’s an easier way πŸ˜‰ I used to use that dead joke about my dad and it never really worked…people are just uptight and don’t know how to take a joke! Love ya, and your funny!

  29. Erin@TheLocalsLoveIt
    on
    29

    Your gym sounds extra special.

  30. ck
    on
    30

    I know I’ve said this before, but I can’t help it. You make me *heart* Tuesdays.

  31. Leslie
    on
    31

    Moms have noses that can detect poop a mile away so yeah, that guy didn’t stand a chance with you. If that would’ve happened to me I probably would have said “Uh oh, I smell some poopies! Who has some poopies? Just by habit you know.

  32. Laufa
    on
    32

    I guess that guy really needed some. You would think if you are going to drive thru a building, at least open the trunk and throw as much merchandise in.
    Your gym sounds special!!
    The bra lady just didn’t have a morbid sense of humor. I would have totally got it, but why would she say a statement like that anyway? Do people actually hand down bras like they are antique heirlooms? Ew!

  33. Keely
    on
    33

    You know what’s funny (and really weird)? I actually HAVE one of my dead grandma’s bras. My Mom thought I should have it. For some reason. I don’t want it, yet I feel strange about throwing it out.

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