September 15, 2009 12:01 am
Dear guy at the gym who got on the elliptical next to me last Friday: Yes, I stopped exercising as soon as I smelled shit and I’m pretty sure you shit yourself while you were over there lifting weights. You have shit in your pants. Check it before you wreck it.
The other day while bra shopping, the overly friendly store clerk complimented me on one of the bras I picked out. “This bra is great since it doesn’t feel like your Grandma’s bra.” I told her that’s good since my grandma is dead and she just stared at me like I had a second head. I guess I’m not as funny as I think.
I can never remember when to use affect/effect and it drives me nuts. I used to know the difference but my brain has turned to mush since having kids and all grammar rules have gone out the window. Who knew popping out kids would affect/effect me like this?
Last week at the gym, I kept accidentally reaching for the swinging arm thingies on the elliptical next to mine. The lady on that machine didn’t look amused, even though I was pretty much offering to go in halvsies on her workout.
I no longer make my 2 1/2 year old happy. He recently declared that he loves Miss Sam (his swim teacher) and that “Miss Sam makes me happy!”. That’s all well and good but when I asked him if I make him happy, he told me no.
Something funky has been going on with my scalp lately and it itches when I exercise. You’ll recognize me as the freaky girl at the gym scratching the hell out of my scalp like I’m patient zero in the latest head lice outbreak.
Does anybody else get slightly uncomfortable while watching the new McDonalds commercial? The guy is basically molesting a gas pump. I feel like a pervert when I watch it.
This guy is a moron. A hilarious moron. If you have a minute, watch the video as this dude smashes his fucking car through a store window to steal a sex toy.
Tags: Random Tuesday Thoughts