September 8, 2009 12:01 am
We recently picked up a bag of fake bugs at the Dollar Store. The kids love pretending there’s a bug crawling on them but they look a little too real for my taste. I have only let out a girlish scream ten maybe twenty times upon encountering one on the kitchen floor.
I gave our elliptical to my brother since I never use it. The problem is that Graham’s morning poop ritual involved climbing on the elliptical while he took a dump. I guess we’ll be driving 45 minutes to my brother’s every morning so he can take care of business.
While mowing the lawn this weekend, a bee landed on my shirt. I freaked out and swerved like I could somehow drive AWAY from the bee on my chest. I narrowly avoided driving the riding mower through the screen into the pool.
It really bugs me that all animals in cartoons are the same size. Like Mickey and Minnie are mice but they’re the same size as Goofy. Oh, and Goofy and Pluto are both dogs but Pluto doesn’t talk and Goofy does. Where’s the consistency? Also, where are these kid’s parents? None of the cartoon characters ever have parents and they’re always acting like little assholes and getting into trouble.
I’m an accidental gym eavesdropper. People are just so damn loud that I can’t not overhear their conversations. Last week I heard a woman crying on the phone to her mom about her cheating husband and the following day, I heard an FBI agent recount a tale of his week long stakeout ending in his kicking down a hotel door and apprehending a suspect before the swat team even showed up. My gym has more drama than TNT.
I think I’ll stay home today so I don’t have to hear Obama’s speech. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA. I’m sorry but you’re a nutjob if you’re keeping your kids home today. The end.
Elliot has mastered pushing our buttons. She goes after Graham all day, every day and tackles/bites/pulls his hair. Then Graham screams and fights back until the two of them go at it WWE style and require constant chaperoning. I can’t walk away from them for ten seconds without someone getting piledrived.
I keep accidentally lawnfucking our neighbor. You know, when you mow your lawn shortly after them but use a lower setting and make theirs look like it needs to be mowed again. It’s no wonder those people don’t talk to us but I kind of like it that way.
Tags: Random Tuesday Thoughts