We recently picked up a bag of fake bugs at the Dollar Store. The kids love pretending there’s a bug crawling on them but they look a little too real for my taste. I have only let out a girlish scream ten maybe twenty times upon encountering one on the kitchen floor.

I gave our elliptical to my brother since I never use it. The problem is that Graham’s morning poop ritual involved climbing on the elliptical while he took a dump. I guess we’ll be driving 45 minutes to my brother’s every morning so he can take care of business.

While mowing the lawn this weekend, a bee landed on my shirt. I freaked out and swerved like I could somehow drive AWAY from the bee on my chest. I narrowly avoided driving the riding mower through the screen into the pool.

It really bugs me that all animals in cartoons are the same size. Like Mickey and Minnie are mice but they’re the same size as Goofy. Oh, and Goofy and Pluto are both dogs but Pluto doesn’t talk and Goofy does. Where’s the consistency? Also, where are these kid’s parents? None of the cartoon characters ever have parents and they’re always acting like little assholes and getting into trouble.

I’m an accidental gym eavesdropper. People are just so damn loud that I can’t not overhear their conversations. Last week I heard a woman crying on the phone to her mom about her cheating husband and the following day, I heard an FBI agent recount a tale of his week long stakeout ending in his kicking down a hotel door and apprehending a suspect before the swat team even showed up. My gym has more drama than TNT.

I think I’ll stay home today so I don’t have to hear Obama’s speech. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA. I’m sorry but you’re a nutjob if you’re keeping your kids home today. The end.

I’m meeting up with this person and this person on Saturday. If you don’t hear from me by Monday, call 911 and send out a search party.

Elliot has mastered pushing our buttons. She goes after Graham all day, every day and tackles/bites/pulls his hair. Then Graham screams and fights back until the two of them go at it WWE style and require constant chaperoning. I can’t walk away from them for ten seconds without someone getting piledrived.

I keep accidentally lawnfucking our neighbor. You know, when you mow your lawn shortly after them but use a lower setting and make theirs look like it needs to be mowed again. It’s no wonder those people don’t talk to us but I kind of like it that way.

We’ve got Keely, yes we do. We’ve got Keely, how about you?

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35 Comments

  1. FoN
    on
    1

    ‘lawnfucking’…I LOVE that. The two neighbours across the street do that to each other all the time. It’s frickn’ hysterical. Both of their lawns now look like a putting green.

  2. Stimey
    on
    2

    I like lawnfucking too. That’s funny. Only in my neighborhood, it’s always us getting lawnfucked.

    Yes, you’re a moron if you keep your kid home tomorrow.

    And I absolutely do not allow fake bugs in my house because I just can’t take the stress.

    Nice list of random thoughts. This was a good one!

  3. ymK
    on
    3

    Yeah kids cartoons just don’t make sense, with the no-parents and the same sized mouse and dog.
    Bugs bug me a hell of a lot. So they are not allowed n my house. Fake or real.

  4. jen
    on
    4

    you brought the bug fiasco upon yourself darling. will anyone notice if they all start slowing disappearing?
    i must use the word lawnfucking at least once today … hilarious.

  5. Kat
    on
    5

    We have been having spider issues at my house. I wish they were only plastic. STOOOPID English spiders and their webs of horror!

    Happy RTT!

  6. Toni
    on
    6

    Lawnfucking?! Brilliant! Gonna have to steal that one if I ever bother to mown our lawn.
    And can I be your new gym buddy? That place sounds amazing!

  7. Cat
    on
    7

    I hope you warned your brother about the magical poop effect that elliptical has on men in your family. He’s likely to have a very unpleasant accident the first time he works out.

  8. Sandie
    on
    8

    Hey! I kept my kids home from school today! Just kidding, I didn’t. We’ll be sound asleep when it comes on (at least I think we will), but even if we weren’t I wouldn’t have kept them home.

    Have fun meeting Sprite’s Keeper and Mrs. Bear. Sounds like so much fun!

  9. Elle
    on
    9

    My kids are home today but I swear I’m not a nutjob. They don’t start school until tomorrow. I swear we’re the only school system in America that is still on summer vacation. I may be a nutjob after the longest summer vacation ever!

    Wow, my comments don’t usually end up so long and so much about me. I think you’re watching too much TV in the form of children’s cartoons. They don’t make sense, get over it, move on and you’ll feel better.

    I’m a little jealous that you’re hanging with Mrs. Bear and Sprite’s Keeper, that is unless you don’t come back. Then I’ll be relieved I didn’t go.

    Happy RTT

  10. jenni
    on
    10

    three of my favorite bloggers in one place? i am so, so jealous. and i got chills reading about the WWE style sibling wrestling. it’s like i’m reading my future.

  11. kyooty
    on
    11

    Siblings make the best wrestlers. hahah on the dumping grounds removal

  12. Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)
    on
    12

    I totally forgot about the Obama speech in schools today…and here I strong-armed PN into going to school. Wonder if she was trying to tell me something? πŸ˜‰ BWAHAHAHAHA!

    I didn’t realize I was lawnfucking the neighbors, but I do. It’s funny, the neighbors on either side of us suddenly feel the need to mow their lawn shortly after we do. But ours is always cut a smidge shorter since I use the lower level on the tractor. So I still win. πŸ˜‰

    I tried to run over a pair of mean looking red bees mating while I was mowing this weekend…unfortunately I missed and they dive bombed me. I’m sure I looked a sight shrieking and waving my arms while driving the tractor. Hope no one saw.

    You gave Elliot’s poop inducer to your brother? Good luck with the 45 minute trek… πŸ˜‰

    I’m SO jealous you get to meet Jen and Mrs. Bear! I guess I’ll have to live vicariously through you and read all about it after the fact… πŸ˜‰

    Happy RTT! πŸ™‚

  13. Swoozie
    on
    13

    Lawnfucking?!?! Never heard that one before but I like it. Too bad I don’t have any neighbors near by to mess with……..because it would/could be fun.

    Great RTT!

  14. Harriet
    on
    14

    There are a ton of bees around here too.
    Yuck.
    Happy Tuesday!
    http://iamharriet.blogspot.com/2009/09/ratsits-tuesday.html

  15. robin
    on
    15

    Damn it, I wanted to be the first one to make a lawnfucking comment and yet again I am just not fast enough with my reader!

  16. Chris (AKA: CaJoh)
    on
    16

    Buying fake insects reminds me of when I had a picnic indoors and decided to buy plastic ants. “You can’t have a picnic without ants!”

  17. Julie@Momspective
    on
    17

    Since I’m such a big fan of all types of fucking, I just quit moving my lawn.

  18. Sprite's Keeper
    on
    18

    He he, lawnfucking.
    And hey! Any violence commencing on Saturday will not be by me! No upper arm strength, remember? πŸ™‚

  19. HeatherPride
    on
    19

    I’m so jealous you’re meeting up with bloggers this weekend! Have fun!

  20. Blogging Mama Andrea
    on
    20

    Lawnf*cking? I have never heard that one before but it did give me a giggle.

    Your kids sound just like mine! We should start our own mini version of wwe (or whatever it is).

    My kid is at school. I have no idea if he’s seeing Obama or not. So long as they serve popcorn I’m sure he’s game either way.

  21. K
    on
    21

    That pluto goofy thing as always gotten me. How are they both dogs – which one is like a person and one is like…you know a dog?

    Who things of this stuff.

  22. Krystal
    on
    22

    um yeah, as far as the WWE battles go – wait until she starts the headbutts – yeap, mine are at it and have the bruises to prove it. I swear I will have the department of child welfare failures calling me one of these days! LOL

    oh, and lawnfucking….Priceless!!!

  23. WickedStepMom
    on
    23

    The piledriving each other is a right of passage. It will eventually get better. (You know, when they are in their 20s).

  24. Angel
    on
    24

    Just so you know I totally had to Reopen your blog in another tab because the awesomeness of your RTT deserves paragraph by paragraph commentation!

    I also scream when I see bugs, even fake ones.
    I scream loudly and jump around and would have probably jumped off the lawnmower and into the pool to remove the bee.
    Have you seen Anime? One of the things I learned from Anime is that no matter what the parents are always on extended business trips and never home to notice the aliens/monsters attacking Tokyo, and or that their child suddenly is leaving at all hours of the night.

    I WANT TO GO TO YOUR GYM!!!! I might actually work out because I want to hear the conversations.

    I am sure they don’t hate you although the lawnfucking is funny!

  25. Cape Cod Gal
    on
    25

    Lawnfucking! I love it!

  26. mrsbear
    on
    26

    Lawnfucker. It’s got a nice ring to it, but not exactly what I would have expected it to mean.

    And I’m pretty sure we’ve established none of us are axe murderers…or maybe that’s what I want you to think. Muhuhuhaha. That was my evil laugh.

  27. Karen @ If I Could Escape
    on
    27

    That is hysterical! Lawnf#cking! I’d be doing the same thing if a bee landed on me!

    And, when are WE going to meet up! Feeling very jealous!

  28. Ane
    on
    28

    I hate bugs even the fake ones that look real enough to be freaky!!

    I know what you mean, I’ve asked that question too, how come Goofy can talk and Pluto can’t and how come Goofy gets to wear clothes?? they are both dogs right?? Weird…

    My kids tend to go at it WWE style too, my 7 year old takes it most of the time, my 18 month old has rage issues I think…

    LOL @ lawnfucking your neighbor!! πŸ˜€ that reminds me, our lawn needs to be mowed too! crap!

    Have a great week ahead Casey!! πŸ™‚

  29. Lin
    on
    29

    We lawnfuck the neighbor all the time–just because it messes with her head and it drives her NUTS! I also put an old building permit in our window every so often to make her go nuts trying to figure out what we are doing to the house now. Love neighbors–love messing with them more!

  30. Captain Dumbass
    on
    30

    ‘Lawnfucking?’ You are a genius, my friend. Thank you for that.

  31. Zip n Tizzy
    on
    31

    Unless I’m your neighbor, in which case I’m purposely keeping my lawn longer because it makes it look lusher. Out here in Cali. every bodies lawns look like they have mange. Three drought years in a row will do that to ya.

    We have WWE in the bathtub. It’s amazing they haven’t drowned one another!

  32. Keely
    on
    32

    We just mess with the neighbours by not weeding or mowing for weeks. Doesn’t bother us. Drives them mental, though.

  33. Niky @ Design It Chic
    on
    33

    Oh i so hate bees!!! i hate them to death! Especially since my husband is allergic to them and i have to chase them around the house and they try to sting back… oh it’s a complete fiasco… I can’t wait for the fall to settle in cause the bees will have to leave in a sting-free-vacation!

    Happy Random!

  34. Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings
    on
    34

    Man, I need to work at your gym. I’d rather listen to those stories than the redneck dramas that go on in my office. If I have to hear even one more time about that woman’s daughter who is in jail and her sister in law who snorts cocaine for a living, I’m gonna snap!

  35. ck
    on
    35

    And what about how Pluto (a dog) is a pet belonging to Mickey (a mouse)? That’s always driven me crazy. What dog would take orders from a mouse? Other than my dog, who is just as scared of the mice in our wall as we are…

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