And They Say Chivalry Is Dead

July 25, 2009 9:55 am

Last week I had my first post-op appointment with my surgeon. The doctor came in and we exchanged pleasantries and then let me know that they took a little over two pounds of boob out during my reverse boob job. That’s a helluva lot of boob to haul away, right? He told me that my incisions were healing nicely and then went on about the medical student who was doing his rotation in his office. “He’s from Ireland…” the doctor said. “Oh, if he’s from Ireland, you’d better send him in!”. The doctor disappeared for a second and came back with a twenty-something year old Irish lad.

Would all of my male readers please take this opportunity to go scratch your nads or look for some pr0n? Thanks and enjoy. If you’re male and still reading, be warned that there is some gross information to follow and you proceeded on your own.

“So nice to meet you.”, the med student said as he shook my hand. At this point, I was sitting topless on the exam table. They both knelt down to boob level while the doctor told the kid-doctor all about my surgery and about the amount of boob removed. While they were still boob level, the doctor asked if I had sensation in my nipples and rubbed the back of his knuckle across each to see if I felt anything. I turned ten shades of red since both dudes were staring at my boobs while they waited for my answer. Ugh.

So I have fucking staples along the incision line on my underboob. There are two sets of stitches inside and then staples holding it all together. The doctor specifically said that “with the amount of boob you have, staples were necessary to hold everything together.” I love my surgeon because he says “boob” instead of “breast”, I hate the word breast. The staples are extremely uncomfortable and my bra rubs against them all day every day causing every movement to hurt like hell. Anyways, my Frankenstein staples spent the first few days oozing. I actually had to put maxi pads in my bra to soak up the drainage. I know, gross. I left my pads at home since I didn’t want to chance having an oozy maxi pad fall out in the doctor’s office.

So I asked the boob-level doctor about the oozing and he told me it was perfectly normal. He asked me if I had a bra with me and I said that I did. He opened some gauze pads and went rummaging through my clothes to find my bra. I yelled at him to stop. “Don’t touch my bra, it’s all OOZY!”. He told me that he’s a doctor and not to worry, he sees stuff like that all the time. I took the opportunity to tell him that what he does for a living is disgusting and asked the med-student-child if he was sure he knew what he was getting into. They both gave polite smiles.

My doctor retrieved my oozy bra from the counter where it was hidden inside of my folded shirt. He covered the incisions with gauze pads and then went to dress me. All the while, I was yelling “IT’S OK, I CAN DRESS MYSELF!!!!”. The doctor took one side of my front-clasping bra and the med student took the other. The proceeded to dress me, much like someone helping a little old lady on with her coat. I took over and hopped off of the table to finish clasping my bra myself. And then I died.

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44 Comments

  1. Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)
    on
    1

    CLEAR! *THWUMP!* Casey? Hang on, Casey! Stay with us Casey!!

  2. Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)
    on
    2

    Sorry, I couldn’t resist being first and all…*snicker!*

    Now was that two pounds total or two pounds per? πŸ™‚

    Eeeeeew! Oozing boobs! I was involuntarily hanging onto my boobs hunched over as I read this…you poor thing! Note to self: just live with your freakishly ginormous girls to avoid oozing and med-student-child and doctor to assist you as you dress, making you feel 100 years old. That is all.

    Oh yeah, and thanks for the mental image of maxi pads in the bra for the oozing…my boobs are gonna be having sympathetic pains all day. πŸ˜‰

    Hope you heal quickly and feel great soon! πŸ™‚

  3. blissfully caffeinated
    on
    3

    Uh, are you sure he’s actually a doctor? And not a “doctor”? Because, yeah, um, that? Is awkward. Way worse than the vaginal ultrasound.

    Hope your boobs feel bettah soon.

  4. Michele
    on
    4

    Don’t you hate those 12 year old doctors? I keep wanting to pinch their cheeks and put them down for a nap.

    Feel better soon!

  5. FoN
    on
    5

    Oh god, Casey! That was a horrible story. Don’t they have lady doctors around your parts??

  6. Captain Dumbass
    on
    6

    Was Irish doctor cute? Did he have an accent? Could I sound any more gay?

    2 pounds?

  7. feefifoto
    on
    7

    So sorry you died. Such a shame.

  8. Becky
    on
    8

    OMG! While I was out of the loop you had your surgery!!! I gotta go catch up. But I’m so glad that it went well and that you’re up and at ’em.

    And this post is hilarious, and in a different context, the two dudes clasping your bra would be kind of hot.

  9. Karen @ If I Could Escape
    on
    9

    LOL Casey — I’m blushing for you! That is a cracking post! So, was the Irish med student a hottie then?

  10. Beth
    on
    10

    When they asked if you have nipple sensitivity, I think you should have said that ‘you’re not sure, would they mind twisting them a little to be sure’. Imagine the face on the baby doc!

  11. jen
    on
    11

    i’m sorry … but at your expense. i’m totally laughing. really. i’m sorry.
    i really think you should have used the line … “how many doctors does it take to put ON a bra??”
    oh my.

  12. Pseudo
    on
    12

    My breast surgeon always has an intern. Everytime.

    Hope you are felling better eachand every day Casey.

  13. Kirsty
    on
    13

    Okay like everyone else I wanna know if the Irish lad was a hottie? Or the doctor for that matter?
    God if they took 2lbs off of your boobs then could prob take a good 5lbs off of each of mine..lol I think I would’ve died too.

    Ach, wait once they’re healed and looking all perky and perfect, you’ll be headed to Gasperilla to show your boobs for beads. ~grin~

  14. cyndi
    on
    14

    Awww and that mpad things sounds pretty McGyver-ish of you. Sorry it’s such an ordeal and you couldn’t enjoy the pron factor of your own appointment πŸ˜‰

    So, will your HASAY update include a great loss this week?!? Can’t wait to hear that you’re all healed and over the blushing aspects. :hug:

  15. robin
    on
    15

    Oh, you poor thing! I am not even tempted to make some sort of joke (unusual when boobs are involved!) because I feel so bad!
    Hope you ended up trying the Vicodin. Sounds like you freaking earned it! πŸ™‚

  16. Andrea
    on
    16

    No way. NO freakin’ WAY! I’m ten shades of red (and okay I am kinda laughing too) just reading that.

    I’d have to switch doctors, no way I could go back. I hope your feeling better soon. And that maxi pad image was awesome, thanks for that, lol. Let me ask though – tape side to bra or boob? πŸ˜‰

  17. jenni
    on
    17

    wow. because having a near stranger fondle your nipples isn’t mortifying enough he had to DRESS you? you poor, poor woman. how are you ever going to go back for your next follow up??

  18. Keely
    on
    18

    Oh…my god. I think I just died FOR you. Seriously? He fondled your nipples?

    I would never ever be able to go back.

  19. Jessica Bern
    on
    19

    four pounds of boob? I would be happy to take that off your hands, boobs, whatever

  20. Sandie
    on
    20

    Is it bad that this is the best laugh I’ve had all morning? Sorry the experience was so horrifying for you! I can’t imagine having to go back after that! Yikes!

  21. Lisa (jonnysmommy)
    on
    21

    Oh Lord! That is soooo embarrassing. I wish I could say something better but….I can’t. Just …. I’m glad you are recovering and I really hope the oozing gets better! Hang in there!

  22. bex
    on
    22

    “and then i died.” classic casey. you have a gift at this self-deprecating stuff. sorry to laugh at your expense but it was pretty funny – not the staples part, that was just gross.

  23. Sprite's Keeper
    on
    23

    Did he at least call you the next morning? Either one of them? I mean, it’s the least they can do..
    Guess who I had dinner with on Friday night?!?!?

  24. Lin
    on
    24

    Crap. I would have died when they stood there eye level checking out my stuff! The hell??! Why did they have to help you get dressed?? Doesn’t the nurse do that? Are you wondering like I am if they discussed your boobies after you left?? Now I am glad that I am flat chested. I think.

  25. sherendipity
    on
    25

    Oh no, you’ve gone through far too much embarrassment to die. Don’t do that.
    Did you call him Doogie Housser? I totally would have called him Doogie Housser.

  26. Michelle
    on
    26

    I would have died too… I hope they feel better soon!

  27. ck
    on
    27

    Oh my gosh…I don’t even know what to say…I died a little bit for you just reading this. You are such a trooper. (Now that I’ve said that, is it okay if I continue laughing? You are so funny.)

    Hope the other aspects of recovery are going better!

  28. WickedStepMom
    on
    28

    I don’t think I have 2 lbs of boob to begin with, let alone to have it removed! I hope you feel better soon. And I also hope that your back and body feel better without the weight dragging you down.

  29. Angie (a.k.a. miss jack)
    on
    29

    WOW! Up until now, I was thinking about having a boob reduction as well. But I’m not sure I can be as brave as you have been. Hope you’re doing well today!

  30. Cat
    on
    30

    That’s what I call full-service! Glad the oozing has…slowed…

  31. GiGi @ Incrementum
    on
    31

    “And then I died”

    LMAO!!!

    Too funny. I’m glad everything is healing nicely though.

  32. Monica
    on
    32

    Ouch! Your story has caused cringing across the nation. And perhaps Ireland too. -Monica

  33. Shangrila
    on
    33

    Oh you poor sweet girl! You should’ve groped the Irish kid-woulda wiped the smug doctor smiles right off their faces. You hate the word breast?! What?! Guess you and I will have to call them “the girls” or “ta-tas” should they ever come up in conversation, ’cause I always say “breast”-my kids don’t even KNOW the word “boob”! Sending you healing, anti-ooze thoughts-A

  34. bessie.viola
    on
    34

    OH.MY.GOSH.

    Casey, I’m dead with you. So embarrassing!

    I’ve been considering this surgery myself… once you’re healed, do you mind if I send you an email with some questions? I don’t know anyone IRL who’s had it done, and I have a feeling you’ll be honest with me about the ordeal. πŸ˜‰

    Feel better soon!

  35. Three Bay B Chicks
    on
    35

    I died a little when my male OB performed a breast exam on me recently. Your experience takes things to an entirely new level.

    I hope your boys took you outside for a smoke or a drink when all was said and done.

    -Francesca

  36. Ginny Marie
    on
    36

    Okay, I now know I’ve had way too many surgeries. When I reached the end of your post I thought “That’s it? Where’s the gross stuff?”

    You will be so happy with your new boobs once you’ve healed up!

  37. DeeMarie
    on
    37

    Well, on a good note, you’ve lost two pounds for your next Hasay update?!? That’s mortifying… so sorry!!!

  38. mrsbear
    on
    38

    That was a pretty hefty dose of humiliation to shoulder, no wonder you died. Still, that story…it never gets old. πŸ˜‰

  39. Jennifer
    on
    39

    LOL Casey you poor thing!! But 2 pounds is 2 pounds. :o)

  40. Zip n Tizzy
    on
    40

    I just died a little reading this!
    Awkward!
    May your boobs feel better soon.

  41. Krystal
    on
    41

    Oh honey – I am so sorry about all that. Yeah, my sis had similar issues when she had hers enlarged – what is the deal with them damn interns anyway?!?

    I still can’t believe that he totally went into your clothes to get your oozing bra…WTF?!?

  42. Laufa
    on
    42

    Usually guys are trying to take the bra off, you got a couple trying to put it back on. Maybe the irish lad was just following suit. They figured that was the least they could do since they are charging you to cop a feel. Hope you heal enough to get the staples out soon. Feel better!!

  43. Julie@Momspective
    on
    43

    I lost ten pounds total from mine. I think 5 was boob and 5 was recovery starvation. I didn’t have ooze or staples though but my doc was HAWT and from France.

  44. Mrs. C.
    on
    44

    Yup, I would’ve been tempted to make a smart-assy comment about preferring a good tweak on the nipples, thanks doc. You, of course, have WAY too much class for that.

    Hoping you’re feeling better every day, and not too itchy as the stitches heal up!

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