And you wonder why I get all the good Google searches.

Having to spend my first two post-op weeks hiding in my bedroom sounded like the greatest gift ever. I forgot that we got rid of the bedroom TV a few months ago since we never used it and we needed the space. Now I’m bored andΒ I’ve reached the end of the internet. Seriously, ask me anything. Any suggestions for surviving the next two weeks?

I have no shame in the “I just had my boobs lobbed off” department and will tell anyone who wants to know. Today I got a call from our Gymboree manager wanting to know how my surgery was and how I was feeling.

We had three tub shitting incidents last week. My fingers are crossed that Jamie won’t have to deal with any more floaters, especially while I’m incapacitated and unable to help with CODE:HOLYFUCKTHERE’SSHITINTHETUB.

Graham keeps taking away my ice packs and insisting that HE is the one with a boo boo so yesterday I showed him my underboob stitches. He ooh’ed and then let me keep the ice pack and Jamie told him that Mommy has a “booby boo boo”. So now Graham keeps asking to see my booby boo boo and I have no doubt that he’ll tell his teachers all about Mommy’s booby boo boo tomorrow at school. Keeping it classy here in FL.

Jamie took Graham to school the other day then stopped me when I went to take the car out shortly after he got home. Apparently he had turned the car into a “fartbox on wheels” and I might want to let it air out for awhile before driving it. At least he warned me this time.

While I have prescriptions for both Ambien and Vicoden, I have been taking both sparingly. The Vicoden makes me nauseated and Jamie fears for his life if I take the Ambien. He thinks that Ambien is the sleep-murder-rape drug and that his life is in jeopardy if I take it. He wishes.

I’m keeping it short today. My boobs hurt when I type. That sounds like the lamest excuse ever but it’s true.

Keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeely. That is all.



  1. jen

    we have had the same issue with bath time … one day i was in the middle of a phone conversation with jeremy and he told me to hold on because he had to introduce the secret service people … and i yelled into the phone tell the secret service people that your daughter just pooped in the tub and i have to let you go now!
    i heard a few men in the background holding guns laughing about my misfortune.
    seriously … i’d rather deal with the secret service people.

    jens last blog post..strawberries, raspberries and olive juice … oh my.

  2. WickedStepMom

    I hope the healing goes well. And I hope that your back and everything is better since the surgery.

    Check out hulu or fan cast and watch some TV.

    WickedStepMoms last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts: Which way is home?

  3. K

    I hope the girls feel better soon.

    Any hope of getting a TV moved back into the bedroom for awhile?

    Maybe you can watch some movies on the computer to entertain yourself?

    Ks last blog post..The Bathroom Reading Instinct

  4. blueviolet

    Your poor boobies….I hope they heal up quickly. I’ve booby surgery makes ya quite tender for a bit.

    Aren’t you glad you’re out of the floater business for a little while at least?

    blueviolets last blog post..RTT – Tuesdays freak my freak

  5. Cat

    Unless you’ve seen all 20,000 versions of Single Ladies on YouTube, you cannot possibly be at the end of the internet.

    Watch Netflix online, series like Freaks & Geeks or Entourage.


    Cats last blog post..I Warn You, This One’s Sappy

  6. Sprite's Keeper

    Those boobies better heal in time for August! That is, if I make it back from Chicago. (I really need to stop with this negative shit, don’t I?)

    Sprite’s Keepers last blog post..RTT: My nerves are getting to me..

  7. Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)

    Booby boo boo! Classic! πŸ™‚

    You could watch movies online – or go to – there are a lot of current and classic shows and movies on there from NBC, FOX and Universal Studios. At least it would be better than no TV and having reached the end of the internet…and it’s free. πŸ˜‰

    Fartbox on wheels…heh, that’s going to be the new name of hubby’s car instead of the bullet car… πŸ˜‰

    Smart not to take Ambien much – a friend of mine has done some crazy shit she can’t remember (but those around her happily fill her in) when she’s taken that stuff… πŸ˜‰

    Hope your girls are feeling better soon! Happy RTT! πŸ™‚

    Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)s last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts – Puppy DΓ©jΓ  vu

  8. Laufa

    Hope you boobies feel better soon. Watch some Hulu…TV online. I do that at work, shhhh!! Ew poop in the tub! At least you’re not the one having to fish it out, hehehe.

    Laufas last blog post..RTT – Magical Randomness!

  9. robin

    Vicodin is magic! Magic, I tell you! Try taking it with food.. you’ll feel less barfy and a whole lot happier overall. Seriously, if you are in any pain, it will disappear completely and allow you to get some good rest.
    Can’t say much about ambien but the worst jamie should worry about is you sleep-driving the car to mcdonalds. Come to think of it, that’s kind of a problem. Make sure you get the super-sized fries, though. Then it’s worth it. πŸ˜‰
    As for things to do… have you perused all the trashy gossip sites on the web? (Email me if you want a good list.)

    robins last blog post..Musical Monday: Squeeze Me

  10. Harriet

    ewe…fartbox on wheels….I’m feeling for ya…

    Harriets last blog post..THE JULY COMMENT CHALLENGE!!!!!!

  11. Karen @ If I Could Escape

    LOL about the fartbox on wheels, but pooor you!! Feel better soon!

    Karen @ If I Could Escapes last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts . . . Haemorrhoids, BlogHer and Peeing in the Pool

  12. Shangrila

    I am sending you many booby boo-boo healing thoughts! My suggestion to kill some time? Send Jamie and the kids on a fieldtrip in the fartbox on wheels to the bookstore. Tell them to pick you up the following: Nora Roberts In the Garden Trilogy (Blue Dahlia, Black Rose and Red Lily) and a Jenny Crusie book. Also, a chocolate bar. :p

    Shangrilas last blog post..Spin Cycle: Day In The Life

  13. Kyooty

    Remember “ouch” means stop! happy healing!

    Kyootys last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts, camp week, YAY!

  14. Krystal

    oh honey – bored and reached the end of the internet? i don’t know what else to say except that I will say a prayer for you.

    And poor Jamie with them floaters – we haven’t had those for a while now – thank God – but better him than you right?

    I woudl pull his leg and say I took the ambien and watch him freak out – that would be priceless – but that is just me – i’m cruel like that

    Krystals last blog post..Just Random I say! Random!!

  15. Michele

    While it is nice to get the warning about the stench in the car it would be even nicer if he waited until he was standing outside. Febreeze has only so much magical power.

    If you don’t want to take the vicodin you could always send it to me. Only for research purposes of course πŸ™‚

    Micheles last blog post..RTT = Ramblin’ Ramblin’ Ramblin’ Keep Those Doggies Ramblin’

  16. Pseudo

    If you have netflix, you can watch stuff on your computer….

    Hope you are feeling better. Do you read 24 at Heart? She had a boob reduction surgery about a month or so ago and has blogged about it.

    Pseudos last blog post..Bits from the North Shore: RTT

  17. Ashlee

    Floaters in the tub are the worst!! I hope you get to feeling better soon so you can get back to chasing your babies and watching TV!!

    Ashlees last blog post..Missing In Action…..

  18. blissfully caffeinated

    I HATE tub shits. They are the worst. I always know when we have one because my girls usually bathe together and I will hear caroline screeching the words “Poo Poo” at an unnaturally high decibel level. So gross.

    I’m sorry you are stuck in bed, but glad you are recovering. I’m going to use your “Boob hurts” excuse today. “Can’t do the dishes, my boobs hurt.” “Can’t do the laundry, my boobs hurt.” I’ll see how far I can push it.

    blissfully caffeinateds last blog post..But why do babies need to learn how to read?

  19. Lin

    I keep thinking about Caddyshack and the candy bar in the pool and someone yells “DOODY!” and empties the place out. My kids did that once–it grossed us out big time. 3 times??? Ick.

    Do you like to read?? When I had my surgery a few years back, I was reading nearly a book a day–I was up on my reading list, I tell you! And when anyone would be talking about a book, I’d be all like “yeah, I read that and it sucked/was great/okay, but the ending sucked”. Everyone thought I was a freaking literary expert or something. Not so anymore. But you have to get off the Vicaden to read–it made me dizzy.

    Or you can just watch 10,001 kitchen re-dos on HG TV.

    Lins last blog post..Bernice has a Big Yapper

  20. Mama Badger

    Sounds like it’s been a crappy week at your place so far (pun intended). At least you weren’t fishing for floaters, though, right?

    Does your library do internet books? That might releive some boredom.

    Mama Badgers last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts

  21. jenni

    glad you are on the mend. you should pick up some trashy novels to read. that’s what i would do. have you read the sookie stackhouse novels or twilight or anything by jennifer weiner or jodi picoult? not fine literature, but it will pass the time.

    jennis last blog post..Robops

  22. Julie@Momspective

    I have no shame ever, so I’m always happy to read about your luscious boobies.

    Julie@Momspectives last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts – Swimming in Gravy

  23. Captain Dumbass

    Take the Ambien and try posting.

    Hope your boobs are feeling better.

    Captain Dumbasss last blog post..Honey, What’s For Dinner?

  24. Cape Cod Gal

    I would give anything for my boobs to hurt while I type. I’m jealous.

    Cape Cod Gals last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts – The Madness Continues

  25. Heather

    I’m an official stalker of your blog…LOVE reading the updates, only I’m so lazy because I can get them on my phone and read them there…just can’t comment. I finally decided it was time to get on the computer for a change and let you know how much I enjoy reading your insanely funny entries.

    Hope the booby boo boo’s are better soon!

    Heathers last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts

  26. Andrea

    Ha, ha. Your entry today makes me laugh….
    Fartbox and keeping it classy in FL. My sil is sitting next to me on the couch and she keeps looking at me like I’m psycho because I keep laughing out loud πŸ™‚

    Andreas last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts: Baseball

  27. The Laughing Idiot

    Ok, ok, let me wipe away the tears of laughter. This was hysterical – I had to read the entire thing out loud to my husband.

    When my husband had hernia surgery, I had to take care of the lawn so I feel your husband’s pain in having the tables turned. The kids also had to look at his “Bellybutton Boo Boo” at least ten times a day. What is so facinating about grown up boo boos?

    Oh, and kids do share everything they see at home. The entire daycare knows all about Daddy’s Scooby Doo underwear πŸ™‚

    The Laughing Idiots last blog post..Bunco – RTT Edition

  28. Keely

    Are you typing WITH your boobs? Because that would be talent.

    I have no suggestions for entertainment. Got any dildos?

    Keelys last blog post..Does the Blue Man Group sleep on memory foam? I bet they bought the protective cover if they do : Random Tuesday Thoughts

  29. GiGi @ Incrementum

    The Boyfriend, a lifeguard, at least once every two weeks has the HOLYFUCKTHERE’SSHITINTHEPOOL issue.

    Happy RTT!

    GiGi @ Incrementums last blog post..Tuesday Two’s Day Tooosday is here!

  30. mrsbear

    Crap in the tub is indeed panic time. But then again, sliding in to a fart box on wheels isn’t far behind in the gross department. A warning would be nice. πŸ˜‰

    mrsbears last blog post..Rise and Shine, Sleepy Head

  31. ck

    You’re lucky you got the Fart Box on Wheels Warning. The only warning I get is the click of the windows locking…

    cks last blog post..droppin’ Ds

  32. Michelle

    I would offer a gentle hug, but I don’t think the boobies are ready for that kind of action yet. I hope they feel better soon!

    Michelles last blog post..Slowing Down

  33. Stimey

    I think it’s really, really wrong that I think “My boobs hurt when I type” is the funniest sentence ever written. And now I will say, I a sorry for laughing at your pain. I hope your booby boo boos feel better soon.

  34. Jessica

    I never thought I would read “My boobs hurt when I type” in my lifetime or anyone’s lifetime.

    Glad you are on the mend

  35. Kirsty

    I don’t like meds either so I’d be a glutten for punishment in the pain I’m so in awe of you right now. I sooooo want to have that surgery but am terrified! Come on I mean who can wear anything cute with a G cup. Sigh! Feel better! Sending lots of bloggy healing vibes your way!

  36. FoN

    Glad to hear your on the mend. Being bored sucks, I know how you feel. That’s how I spend 8 hours every fucking day.

  37. Lisa (jonnysmommy)

    Oh I hope your booby boo boos get better soon! And Graham only says it once in front of his teacher and kids who might start chanting it over and over again…the kids not the teacher.

  38. bex

    your gymboree manager called? the store gymboree? you must spend a lot of money there. at least they prioritize building relationships with the customers.

    how would jamie be the one raped and murdered if you are the one to take ambien?

    confused in SA…

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