Jamie has a broken mouth corner that he keeps reinjuring every time he eats. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t not stare at it when he’s talking to me because it just looks so damn painful. Maybe if I tape his mouth shut for a few days it would give him time to heal.

It’s the end of the world as we know it. That’s the only thing that would make sense because Nestles recalled their cookie dough.

Last night, I heard yelling coming from the garage. Jamie was spewing a bunch of compound swear words and some of them were really impressive. He spilled a bag of raw chicken juice everywhere. I had a hard time not laughing but I relieved him of cleanup duty and sent him inside to stew on his (chicken) juices.

Remember a few weeks ago when I was all “I love Florida, the weather is great and we’re playing in the pool all the time!”. Scratch that, it’s fucking hot here and we’re trapped indoors since going outside would cause the kids to pass out from the heat. Somebody please save us, it’s only June and it’s already in the high 90’s with 21333413241255% humidity every.single.day.

My overplucked eyebrow is slowly growing back in. The only person who noticed was my friend Shannon who made a HUGE deal over it when I saw her last week. She later revealed that she’d read about it on my blog and that it wasn’t that bad. If you’re Helen Keller.

Are Helen Keller jokes still funny? I’m sorry if they’re not. How about Stevie Wonder jokes? Ray Charles? I’ll stop now.

We’re pretty much a self-contained entity since our closest family is forty-five minutes away. I think we need a lifeline. You know, somebody who checks in on us every day to make sure we haven’t been murdered. Any takers?

I’m feeling off my random game today. I promise to do better next time. Sheesh.

Visit Keely for more randomness! Tell her how nice her ass looks today, she likes that sort of thing.



  1. GiGi @ Incrementum

    I was actually going to comment on all your FL love. Glad you beat me to it cause I was going to bitch for a good three to four paragraphs. IT’S.DISGUSTING! I asked The Boyfriend today as we walked to the car (only ten feet away) sweating as if we’d just taken a 12 mile jog “Why do we love here?” his answer was “Cause winters are short.” I dont know how I feel about that. I don’t know if I prefer scorching heat over freezing weather. If it’s super cold you can throw on layer after layer of clothes till you’re warm. Walking around naked isnt not allowed, or smart, when it’s this hot.

    Florida = yuck

    GiGi @ Incrementums last blog post..A brand new week. A brand new project

  2. Andrea

    Happy RTT! Little random is okay just get your game on for next week alright? I mean I slaved away to come up with my crap so get with it yah?

    Nah, still love ya. And Florida sucks. Sorry I hit my limit during one small week long visit on April and thought I was gonna die. I can’t imagine JUNE.

    Andreas last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts: I’m going to live in a box

  3. Captain Dumbass

    Swearing after you’ve injured yourself, been surprised or done something stupid is always the most impressive. You don’t get to think about it, it just comes out all shiny raw and beautiful.

    Captain Dumbasss last blog post..Random Tuesday: Smoke & Mirrors

  4. K


    I almost had to skip this one because of the title and the fact that chicken makes me want to puke right now.

    Glad I make it. Excellent randomness.

    Ks last blog post..Random Tuesday Strikes Again

  5. Harriet

    No kidding…time to move on from the Helen Keller and other offensive jokes.


  6. cara

    WTH are you guys doing with a bag of chicken juice? Is there a place that doesn’t suck ass during the summertime? Because I’ve yet to find it. And seriously. How the hell do you screw up cookie dough?

    caras last blog post..Be still, my heart

  7. Laufa

    No one needs to check in on you as long as you keep blogging about your missing eyebrows, chicken juices, and the humidity.

    Laufas last blog post..RTT:Life is short!

  8. cyndi

    The mouth will eventually heal – Dean’s got split during a crown-ing (at the dentist) and now he has a dashing scar he can make stories about, but it did look so painful – happy healing to Jamie! I get that checking up thingy – my great aunt had a whole circle of friends she’d call every few days ‘to make sure they’re standing upright and breathing in and out’…technology’s changed, but that’s what I use the blog for, too šŸ˜‰ I’m sending you a cool breeze and hoping you don’t all melt :hug:

    cyndis last blog post..Sunday’S ICECREAM SundaES

  9. Deemarie

    It was random. You haven’t lost your touch. I love the part about Jamie stewing in his (chicken) juices. Blog Gold, right there.

    Stay cool!

    Deemaries last blog post..Vacation and Memories

  10. Cat

    Oh come on, that was totally random! I feel your pain today, it’s supposed to feel like 105 here with the humidity. Except…we need weeks of this to make up for the winter, but instead of weeks of this, we’ll go back to 50 and rainy like it was last week in no time.

    Cats last blog post..My Deductible Has Not Only Been Met, It’s Been Wined and Fucking Dined

  11. Julie@Momspective

    I shed a tear when I heard about Nestle. Someone actually tweeted me and asked me to re-tweet it and I accused them of spamming me with a very cruel joke.

    Julie@Momspectives last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts ā€“ My Head Is Spinning

  12. Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)

    What does a broken mouth corner look like, anyway? And how in the world does it get ‘broken’? šŸ™‚

    Ha! Cara beat me to the question I had about why the hell do you have a bag of raw chicken juice in the garage? šŸ˜‰

    I’m beginning to think we’re crazy for planning our annual jaunt to Louisiana during this time of year…they’ve been having 100 degree weather with 21333413241255% humidity…and they don’t have a pool yet. šŸ™‚

    Happy RTT! šŸ™‚

    Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)s last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts – Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty!

  13. Ginny Marie

    The only time I have been in Florida was during August. It was really freakin’ hot. The pool didn’t even feel cool. I was helping a friend babysit her niece and nephew for the week, and their parents went to Vegas. Now why would you swap hot for even hotter? How about a nice trip to the mountains?

    I hope you get better weather soon!

    Ginny Maries last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts: Symmetry

  14. robin

    Please explain the chicken juice. Thankyouverymuch.
    PS- We threw out said cookie dough. Tragedy, really.

    robins last blog post..Musical Monday: Rainy Day Women

  15. Lisa (Jonnysmommy)

    Ugh! Glad I don’t live in Florida then. Nicer weather in winter…good? Hot weather in summer..well, uh…bad.

    I was in tears over the cookie dough thing. Mainly because I had made cookies not too long ago with it. I was frightened, but Hubby pointed out we would have gotten sick already and I was OK with it.

    I also have the issue with my family being more than an hour away, Hubby’s family either not giving a crap, or always being at work (a.k.a. out partying with friends) and not knowing my neighbors very well. If we were ever murdered in our home it would probably take a few days for anyone to notice. šŸ™‚

  16. Sprite's Keeper

    Maybe the Nestle was recalled cuz they were storing the cookie dough too close to the chicken juice?

    Sprite’s Keepers last blog post..RTT: Yes it is. Yes, it is.

  17. Jenn @ The Coupon Coup

    I’m in Kansas… and we are having the same type of crappy weather….I chose (as if it was a choice)the hottest summer in recent years to be eight billion months pregnant…

    I would vomit if chicken juice spilled…and curse…lots of explatives. I hope you were able to get it all up or next weeks post will be full of your cursing about the smell in your humid Florida garage…

    Happy RTT

    Jenn @ The Coupon Coups last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts

  18. Mocha Dad

    Have you ever spilled chicken juice? If you haven’t consider yourself lucky. I can fully relate to Jamie’s trauma.

  19. Cape Cod Gal

    Florida is f-ing hot. I don’t know how you deal. But, it could be worse. You could be here, where it has rained for a week straight!

    Cape Cod Gals last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts – IS IT OVER YET???

  20. Jennifer

    I agree… it IS the end of the world! And chicken juices, ick! Sorry that happened! Happy RTT.

    Jennifers last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts

  21. ck

    What was a bag of chicken juice doing in the garage? Where does one even go to purchase that? Is that a Florida thing? Am I too Yankee to understand?

    cks last blog post..lines (then/now)

  22. piecemeal people

    We live in Maryland and, while it’s no Florida, I feel the same way. Humid and in the 90s from June to September, cold and brown and no snow to play in from December to February. So we’re trapped inside about six months of every year.

    You could say I’m a yeller.

    piecemeal peoples last blog post..RTT – from the "still poops his pants" blog

  23. Michelle

    I check in on you every day šŸ˜‰ virtually…

    Michelles last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts: Parenting

  24. jenni

    i meant to tell you – i had a college roommate that got stoned and decided to wax her brows. she waxed one completely off. when nelson saw it he yelled, “OH MY GOD! Something HAPPENED to your eyebrow!” it was pretty hilarious.

    sorry about the heat it’s been glorious up here in DC, but we’ll get ours in a couple of weeks.

    jennis last blog post..RTT: Sleep, Silence, and Sweet Dreams

  25. Sam

    Just the word “chicken juice” makes me want to gag. I’m fine with chicken as long as I don’t think about what I’m doing. If I do I usually end up making Mark finish. Gross.

    Sams last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts: I Would Rather Swim Naked In Public Than Wear A Monokini In The Privacy Of My Own Home. Just Sayin’.

  26. mrsbear

    Ack, chicken juice. I’ve known to spew expletives at the spillage of diarrhea inducing juices, Jamie was totally justified.

    It was 110 degrees with the heat index here yesterday. It was suffocating. WTF is it going to feel like in August?

    I’d offer to do a murder check if I lived closer, but by the time I drove the six hours up to you, I don’t think your chances of survival would be too good.

    mrsbears last blog post..A Flood Advisory and Random Tuesday Thoughts

  27. FoN

    Come on up to Saskatchewan – much to my dismay it’s not that hot here.

    I don’t even want to know why you have a bag of chicken juice. Gross.

    FoNs last blog post..Random Tuesday – I’m BACK baby

  28. Lin

    I’m with you on the heat. After nearly freezing to death this winter and spring, summer finally arrived this past week and I’m dying. Okay, could we have eased into it a bit?? It was 65 one day and we’re at 98 today. GAsp. Even the frogs in my pond are hot.

    Lins last blog post..Summer Snow

  29. Keely

    A…bag? Of chicken juice?


    Keelys last blog post..Well, fire’s not THAT bad, but the tree IS pretty: Random Tuesday Thoughts

  30. Niky @ Design It Chic

    OH work that duck tape on Jamie’s mouth! That should do the trick.. and if it works..tell me and we’ll make that a remedy for such things like broken mouths or talkative husband/Mother in Law/boss/etc.

    Happy Randomness!

    (came here via TheUnMom)

    Niky @ Design It Chics last blog post..RTT again!!!

  31. bex

    come to texas- i’ll do your eyebrows for free!

    san antonio is equally as hot. consume copious amounts of water, my friend.

    did you see your shout out on my RTT?

    bexs last blog post..RTT: Belated HASAY and random movie thoughts and more

  32. Toni

    I’ll stop by and visit any time. Love Florida though I totally get what you mean about humidity. I’ve just got back from a weekend in London and although it was 25 degrees it felt more like 50, not to mention all the sweating – soooo un-ladylike!

    Tonis last blog post..Thingymabob and watchamacallit

  33. Kat

    Too soon for the Helen Keller jokes šŸ˜‰

    Kats last blog post..RTT- What The Frankfurter?!?

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