April 29, 2009 12:42 am
Over the course of the last several years, I’ve noticed myself making more grown up decisions in my life. I’d like to think that the progression down this road comes not just from age but also from past experiences. One such decision involves my time management skills. My days are spent fulfilling obligations and I recognize those obligations as part of my life. Since my time is scarce, I spend what little free time I have doing activities of my choosing. In other words, I’ve cut unpleasant activities and people from my life in order to make it more enjoyable.
I’ve mentioned before that I’m cursed with bad teeth and my entire (ex)dental staff knows me fairly well. My (ex)hygienist got married a few days after me and her daughter had the same due date as Graham. We talked about our pregnancies as they progressed and one day, I got an email from her wanting to know if we could become friends since we had so much in common. Our kids were both born and we sent daily emails back and forth sharing the milestones as first time parents. We got the kids together a few times and talked on the phone several times a week. We attended each other’s first birthday parties.
About halfway though Graham’s first year, I noticed that my friend was very competitive about our kid’s milestones. Instead of calling to chit chat, she’d call and immediately blurt out “Amber is rolling over, is Graham?” “Amber crawled today, has Graham crawled yet?” This continued on for things such as feeding, teething and sleeping through the night. It felt like a competition rather than two moms comparing notes and I began to dread the conversations. On one occasion, she even called (after seeing updated photos on our family photo site) to tell me that I looked pregnant (I was not) in the pictures and wondered why I hadn’t shared the news yet. I gave my friend the benefit of the doubt and soldiered on through the tough competition.
After months of being grilled by my friend, I had finally had enough. It was pointless to be friends with somebody who was only in it to brag about her kid. The honorable thing to do would probably have been to talk to my friend about things but instead I declined a few play dates and blew off a few calls until my former friend got the message. The last time I saw her was shortly after Elliiot was born.
Fast forward to last week. Elliot and I were out killing time while Graham was in school and stopped by a local baby consignment shop. I was thumbing through the racks when a little girl caught my eye. I turned around to see familiar faces: little Amber and her mom. We both made polite chit chat, filling each other in on the past year and making false “we should get together soon!” statements. We both knew they were empty promises and wrapped up the conversation rather quickly. As I was turning to walk away, she turned and said:
Her: “By the way, is Graham potty trained? Amber potty trained at fourteen months, we were SO excited for her!”
Me: “He started a few weeks back, yeah. We were really in no hurry to potty train him and thought we’d start toward the end of the summer when he’s not in school”
Her: “Oh, well you know you… you were always WAY more laid back than me. You just never got bothered by stuff like that”
We parted ways and I made it a point to delete that competitive bitch’s number from my phone. When Graham finally gets the hang of the potty, I may just have him piss on a picture of her for good measure. I’d be willing to bet that little Amber can’t pull that trick off.
This post was posted in conjunction with this week’s Spin Cycle hosted by the lovely and talented Sprite’s Keeper. The topic this week is mistakes. If you’re wondering how the topic ties in with this post, I consider the amount of time wasted on that fruitless friendship a mistake. I’ve since learned to save my friendship for people who are genuine and honest and won’t waste my time.