Welcome to this week’s edition of Random Tuesday Thoughts, where people from all walks of life make shit up in an attempt to get a laugh. Check out Keely’s place for more jokety-goodness.
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We are so screwed: Toddlers Who Throw Temper Tantrums May End Up in Prison Later in Life. Do you think I should start dressing Graham in an orange jumpsuit now?

I’m ashamed to admit that I watch The Celebrity Apprentice. I’m not ashamed to admit that I’d like to punch both Joan and Melissa Rivers in their fucking throats. Those women are the two most annoying people I’ve ever seen on television.

We watch Wife Swap (I know, I know) and Jamie and I always place bets to see which mom will cry first. Why the hell do people go on that show if they’re going to fight every single rule change?

I’ve blogged about Graham’s love for the “Happy Birthday” song before. With Jamie and Elliot’s birthdays both last week, we spent the majority of the week singing “Happy Birthday”. Graham likes Frank Sinatra’s version the best so we’ve kept it on repeat on his CD player way too often.

Last week when I was picking up Graham from school, I lost him. Jamie had Elliot and I was talking to his teacher for a few minutes when I realized he was gone. It turns out, he was on my hip. I was carrying him the entire damn time and I’m so used to having Elliot on my hip that I just assumed it was her. Dumbass here, nice to meet ya.

I went to the gym yesterday and I’m planning on going every day this week. Sounds impressive, no? I’m really only going for ten minutes a day for Elliot to get used to the daycare in small doses. Still, I’m counting those ten minutes as a workout.

I got the chance to go to a movie with friends last night. We saw “Knowing” at 9:40 and I didn’t get out until right around midnight. The movie was sort of scary and sort of hokey but the entire drive home, I was sure someone was in the back seat coming to kill me. I made it home alive.

The only reason that I was able to even make it through a movie that late was because I took a two hour nap yesterday. Woot. I napped along with the kids and Jamie held down the fort while I napped some more. I’m a nappy mofo. I’m not sure that came out right.

I’m going on week four sans French fries. In lieu of French fries, I have inserted cake into my diet (and mouth). I think that’s fair.

There is no poop to speak of this week, even though I know you guys depend on me for it. Graham has yet to poop on the potty, all of the shit has been shoveled out of the yard and no animals have shit on my car as of late. Sorry folks.

Toddler beds suck. They suck major ass. The past week was spent chasing Graham back to bed umpteen times a night. Did I mention that he got the hang of doorknobs last week too? And that we have oval doorknobs and the childproof doorknob covers don’t work on our doors? That might have been pertinent to the story. After day four of sleeping on the couch and guarding his door, I installed a lock on the outside to keep him in. Now, it just sounds like someone is pounding down the door all night instead.

Party on, dudes!

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48 Comments

  1. Shangrila
    on
    1

    Wife Swap may as well be called, “Couples that want their kids to endure years of therapy.” That said, it is impossible not to be trapped into watching it once it starts-like a train wreck, it’s THAT GOOD.

    I think that Graham shows great taste-Ol’ Blue Eyes DOES sing a great rendition of the birthday song. I think that it’s proof that you’re a good mom that even when you lose a kid, you’re holding him. That’s mad skillz, woman!

    Yes, toddler beds ARE the devil. Walker has yet to figure out that he is more than capable of climbing out of his crib, and I’m not moving him to a big-boy bed until he successfully escapes his cage, I mean CRIB.

    I, too, require naps. Good to “see” you again. πŸ™‚

    Shangrilas last blog post..A Letter to the Degenerate Fuckwit that Stole My Lilacs

  2. Zip n Tizzy
    on
    2

    I’m so confuse because it’s sill Monday here. Now when did you go to the movies? πŸ˜‰
    Toddler tantrums are kicking my ass, and I’m starting to consider locking myself up instead.
    I’m still laughing at you losing Graham on your hip!
    That tops losing your sunglasses on the top of your head any day!

  3. Andrea
    on
    3

    I am so happy that someone else lives in my version of toddler hell. I’ve gated The Chick but one of these days… it isn’t gonna be good. I’m going to find her either upstairs or downstairs, without the diaper and trailing my lipstick along the white walls. It’s coming I know it is. I ever mention she pinned a kid to a walker and stole his rice cracker? Yep she really did and I’ve got the picture to prove it.
    And if Temper Tantrum’s get my kid locked up? Maybe your kid and mine can share a cell.

    Andreas last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts: Spam

  4. K
    on
    4

    I think toddler beds sound way scarier than the movie.

    Happy Tuesday and awesome work with those 10 minute workouts.

    Ks last blog post..Random Times

  5. Peggy
    on
    5

    I’ve seen wife swap and I can’t believe those people subject their kids to that bullshit! It blows my mind what people will do for $ and/or notoriety! Always weirdos too!

    Happy Happy Birthday Sweet Elliot! I don’t think I worked that into any of my recent comments did I? I wonder if Hannah Montana will be gone by the time she hits “tween”? Let’s hope so!

    A 9:40 movie? You are my hero!! πŸ™‚

    Let’s talk about you taking a visit to see your brother in June!! πŸ™‚

    Peggys last blog post..It’s 420 People!

  6. Laufa
    on
    6

    Awesome about the anti-french fry stance you have taken!! Bet you miss them. I have done the lose the kid on the hip before. My hubby just rolls his eyes at me – he’s used to my blondeness.

    Laufas last blog post..RTT: Tinkerbell

  7. cat
    on
    7

    we have got to get you set up with better tv shows.

    cats last blog post..Rise of the Mummy Hand

  8. Cara
    on
    8

    Wife Swap is one of my dirty little secrets. Bless Lifetime for deciding to show reruns of it during the day.

    Baby gate for the bedroom door. We put one up in the hallway so Bear can’t wander the house during the night.

    Caras last blog post..RTT-Thievery at its finest

  9. Cameron
    on
    9

    Same here, we lock our son’s door from the outside. He finally gets tired around 8:30 or 9 and gives up, then we go in and put him in the bed, because usually he falls asleep behind the door.

    Camerons last blog post..It’s Tuesday Again – Random Tuesday Thoughts

  10. jen
    on
    10

    i’m still giggling that you lost him. on your hip.

    jens last blog post..any given day …

  11. bex
    on
    11

    congratulations on your french fry diet! that is great! i once went three months with no soda or french fries (i can’t remember why i would do such a thing) and when i finally had some – they tasted terrible!

    i did that same thing with ethan at the zoo – i was all panicked, “where’s ethan? oh my god! i lost ethan!” i was holding him. i think i forgot because my torso was numb after holding him ALL DAMN DAY!

    isn’t that awesome to go see a movie with friends? i LOVE that!

    bexs last blog post..RTT: Larry King, blah blah blah

  12. Harriet
    on
    12

    I know. I love Wife Swap too.
    It’s some kind of sick reassurance that there are families way more deviated than mine and that my life isn’t so bad.
    What’s with Joan’s face. ENOUGH with the surgery.

  13. Sprite's Keeper
    on
    13

    I’ve lost my glasses before. While they were on my face. Seriously. I was looking for my glasses and couldn’t find them where I always keep them in the bathroom, so I checked my nightstand. Not there either. Then I called to John and asked if he had moved them. He just laughed at me and told me to go look in the mirror. Oh, hai! But it got me the night off from toddler watch. I may do it again..

    Sprite’s Keepers last blog post..RTT: Sometimes, it’s not nice to share..

  14. Becky
    on
    14

    Ah, poop. It’s something I think a lot about lately. I look forward to a time when it receeds back into the background of life.

    That ten minutes a day totally counts as a workout! You’re getting yourself used to going there too!

    Beckys last blog post..Suburban Matron is One, Y’all

  15. Robin
    on
    15

    No french fries for a month? That’s hardcore. Good for you.

    Robins last blog post..Musical Monday: My High School Musical

  16. WickedStepMom
    on
    16

    Not being able to lock the kid into a cage at night does suck. That goes for when they are older than toddlers too.

    WickedStepMoms last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts: [Insert Title Here]

  17. T&T
    on
    17

    our ped. once told us to get a half door to lock our son in his room b/c he wouldn’t stay – we didn’t – he slept with us until he was 6 – I now have my 5 year old coming in half way through the night to sleep on my feet and my almost three year old sleeps on my pillow with me and If I try to move her – SHE FREAKS out!

    I feel the way you do about the Rivers gals – Annie Duck – that girl annoys me!!!

  18. mrsbear
    on
    18

    I’m not one to judge, I watched the entire season of Rock of Love Bus…and I DVR America’s Next Top Model. Tyra Banks is a egomaniac and most of the girls are twits, but still I’m glued.

    Maybe we could get a discount rate on the orange jumpsuits, Max is on the same path and I’ve been watching Lockdown on the National Geographic channel. I sooooo don’t want to be a prison mom…Maybe bootcamp at age 3 will scare them straight.

    mrsbears last blog post..I Heart Spring and Random Tuesday Thoughts

  19. Wendy
    on
    19

    I have to take a nap if my friends want me to stay out late too.

    I don’t know why.. I bartended for years and never went to bed until 4 am. Now I can’t stay up til midnight.

    whatever…

    Wendys last blog post..A Monday Story: The True Beauty of WiFi

  20. Captain Dumbass
    on
    20

    If you find somebody who makes those jumpsuits could you let me know?

    Captain Dumbasss last blog post..Random Tuesday: It stings a little at first, but you get used to it

  21. GreenJello
    on
    21

    I remember many a time putting on my glasses so I could see to find my glasses.

    GreenJellos last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts

  22. HeatherPride
    on
    22

    Ok, the story about Graham on your hip is CLASSIC!!! So great. Is this what I can expect to happen to my head when I finally achieve SAHM status?? Oh, why aren’t you my neighbor? If hubs ever gets relocated to St. Louis you WILL be mine.

  23. Beth
    on
    23

    They say orange is one of the “it” colors this summer, so Graham will be fasjion forward in his little jumpsuit…

    Beths last blog post..All Thoughts are with Mac Today

  24. Deemarie
    on
    24

    I’m so happy you got a Girl’s Night Out!
    Graham’s going to look fabulous in orange.

    Deemaries last blog post..Spring!!!

  25. Jan
    on
    25

    I cannot stand Wife Swap.

    CAN. NOT. STAND. IT. It makes me want to burn my eyes out with hot pokers and stick needles through my eardrums. Who needs waterboarding as a form of torture when this show exists?

    “I’m a nappy mofo. I’m not sure that came out right.” No, but it still made me snort my iced tea through my nose.

    Jans last blog post..RTT: Marketing and Mayhem

  26. jenni
    on
    26

    we all watch terrible TV. Me? Idol and Project Runway (on Lifetime this spring!) are my two trashy indulgences.

    we’ve had a few more episodes of rapid-fire shitting around here, so thanks for sparing me your poop.

    jennis last blog post..Hilarity

  27. little miss spy
    on
    27

    congratulations on making if home from the movie alive! i know the feeling and it’s scary!

  28. feefifoto
    on
    28

    I can see myself misplacing one of my kids exactly the way you sis, but I would have sweetened the pot by asking someone if they’d seen the child I was holding on my hip.

    Mrs. Bear from Outnumbered Two to One recommended you. I like what I see.

    feefifotos last blog post..Who’s In Your Reader?

  29. Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)
    on
    29

    Glad to know I’m not the only one watching Celebrity Apprentice – hubby watches with me and we both want to punch both Rivers…we used to watch Wife Swap and take bets too, but haven’t watched in a long time… πŸ™‚

    I wonder if I should just start dressing the Princess Nagger in little orange jumpsuits now to get her used to them…especially after the major meltdown that occurred getting ready for school this morning… πŸ˜‰

    Replace fries with cake? Good call! I might think about that…maybe less salt will help with the water retention issue… πŸ˜‰

    I seriously laughed boisterously reading how you ‘lost’ Graham…on your hip… hysterical! πŸ˜‰

    Transitioning from cribs to toddler beds is an adventure…we had issues with those doorknob guards not fitting right and thus not working – and ended up getting locks instead…since they were hook locks, PN figured out how to stand on something and slide a really skinny book in the gap and unhook them. πŸ™‚

    Happy Random Tuesday! πŸ˜‰

    Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)s last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts – Vole Hunt and Princess Rags

  30. ck
    on
    30

    “It turns out, he was on my hip.”

    I’m still laughing…

    You make Tuesdays worth waking up for.

    cks last blog post..turn that frown upside down

  31. Leslie
    on
    31

    Hey Casey! I have missed you – it’s good to be reading your posts again as they always crack me up. LIttle D is hooked on the Happy Birthday song too. This morning he was in his crib singing “Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear puppy…” So cute! But every time I try to sing along with him he yells “stop copying me” He doesn’t get the different between copying and singing along. That’s a two yr old for you though. Anyway, hope all is well in your neck of the woods!

    Leslies last blog post..Can you help?

  32. Keely
    on
    32

    Wait, you got naps? AND a movie? AND you get to watch bad tv?

    I’m jealous. Very, very jealous.

    And, um, don’t ALL toddlers throw tantrums??

    Keelys last blog post..At least my vacation was fruity-smelling: Random Tuesday Thoughts

  33. Cape Cod Gal
    on
    33

    Good girl! The gym is awesome! I should know. I live there.

    Cape Cod Gals last blog post..Random Tuesday – Slave Style

  34. Sammanthia
    on
    34

    I’ve watched Celebrity Apprentice, too. I’m only in it for Jesse James.
    That doesn’t make it any better, does it?

    Sammanthias last blog post..I’ll Bet All Of The Other Doggie Bloggers Read This Post And Totally Laugh At Macy And Molly. Whatever. They’re Really Cute Even If They Are A Little Neurotic.

  35. Otter
    on
    35

    Great post. I watch Celebrity Apprentice too. My wife got me hooked on it. I hate the Rivers but I hate Annie Duke more. I am secretly hoping Jesse James goes loco and beats the crap out of everyone.

  36. Petra a.k.a. The Wise (Young) Mommy
    on
    36

    Haha, you are so funny! I can’t believe you didn’t know you were carrying him!

    And every time I see a scary movie, I am so jumpy and swear I can feel things touching me and everything. But I love them anyway!

    Petra a.k.a. The Wise (Young) Mommys last blog post..The Love Affair

  37. Vickie
    on
    37

    Oh great! My youngest kid is going to jail for sure! A day doesn’t pass that she is not giving me a temper tantrum.

    I don’t understand either why people join reality shows. Simon is going to make fun of you. The other wife’s husband is going to hate you. On the Bachelor type of shows, all the women look desperate or slutty.

    Vickies last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts

  38. Angel
    on
    38

    Frank is the best Jujube would only sleep while listening to him, so because we shared a room I heard a lot of him, not that I minded! Wife Swap is kinda like pringles once you pop you just can’t stop.

    Angels last blog post..Totally Random Tuesday!!

  39. jaime
    on
    39

    it’s okay. i watch celebrity apprentice too. good to know there’s someone else out there who watches πŸ™‚

    jaimes last blog post..Frustrated in Flushing

  40. Michele
    on
    40

    The boy was into Bob Marley when he was that age, yeah weird, now it is hard for me to listen to him any more. So years from now you won’t have to listen to Frank. No help? Sorry.

    Micheles last blog post..RTT = Speak of…..

  41. Kia (Good Enough Mama)
    on
    41

    Shit. If you find a deal on orange jumpsuits, maybe we can go wholesale together. My kid is going to need several as he’s been known (today, in fact) to fecking tantrum til he pukes all over himself. Yeah. Wholesale, for shiz.

  42. OTIN
    on
    42

    The Rivers women make me want to puke also! I am more of a survivor fan!

    OTINs last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts #2

  43. Lin
    on
    43

    You made me laugh today. Well, you do a lot, but today….it was just extra special.

    I never used toddler beds, we just used one of those side rails on a big bed. My kid was so naive (notice I didn’t use the word “stupid”), that he didn’t know he could crawl out at the foot of his bed. Yep. It rocked! Never occurred to toddler boy that he could actually get out of bed! πŸ™‚ Kid number two was smarter. πŸ™

    I watch Celebrity Apprentice too–and yeah, I kinda hate the River’s gals, but you have to admire that they stick up for each other all the time. Man, I want my kid to defend ME like that!

    Thanks for the chuckles today, Casey!

    Lins last blog post..Can you smell it burning?

  44. Jenners
    on
    44

    I was finally able to kick my Apprentice addiction last year. Omarosa did it for me. I think there is a 12 step program for it.

    Jennerss last blog post..The Best Cupcake in NYC … Plus Other Randomness

  45. ArtSnark
    on
    45

    I miss naps! Hear you on the night wanderer. When the 5 yr old was a toddler made sure to buy a bed big enough to hold us both for just that reason. That & the DH snores

    ArtSnarks last blog post..Random Tuesday Fonts

  46. churchpunkmom
    on
    46

    I’ve totally lost my 3yo by putting her in my 1yo’s place.. yeah.

  47. Lola
    on
    47

    Hehehe on the toddler beds! Who knew that Joan Rivers could be more annoying than we thought she was all these years before the Dandy Don show? And that fish-faced daughter of hers? I watch it just to drive myself CRAZY!

    Oh, yeah, and we watch Wife Swap, too. Loved that whacko from NJ knocking the stinky old man over with her ginormous fake knockers!!!!

    Lolas last blog post..Reason No. 9,752,329 Why Women Freak Me Out…

  48. cyndi
    on
    48

    Happy Birthday, Jamie! And I’m wishing you lots of patience – hopefully the joy of jumping out of bed will wear off. Mine have really mellowed lately, so you only have 3 years to wait (ouch!) Naps rock!

    cyndis last blog post..I’m American made, but I like Chevrolet

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