When You Say Nothing At All

March 27, 2009 5:00 am

There are a few moms at Graham’s school who are, well, stuck up bitches. They converse in groups, designer-clad and pathway blocking as I try to squeeze through with the stroller when we pick up Graham. They don’t make way for the stroller or even make eye contact with me when I walk by. On the rare occasion when they do, they quickly look away, tight lipped and disapproving. I tried to be polite in the beginning but my politeness was always shot down with their laser beam eyes so I gave up trying. Now, I’ve come to enjoy these encounters since they give Jamie and I something to laugh about when I call him on the ride home. It’s not just me, Jamie gets similar treatment when he drops Graham off in the mornings.

This isn’t a woe is me post about how I wish I could be part of their inner circle. I don’t. There are plenty of friendly, down to earth moms there who I would gladly befriend if I had the time. The other women are shallow, stuck up bitches who can go screw if they don’t like me for not having dressed the part. I’m a great parent and I provide for my kids just as well as they do. In fact, I’m usually playing with and paying attention to my kids while they’re gossiping and ignoring theirs. My only worry is that those women might raise children who share similar shallow beliefs that could somehow affect my kids.

Earlier this week when I picked up Graham, another mother and I were walking in from the parking lot at the same time. I gave a polite smile and a hello but she looked away, clearly not intending to reciprocate. Back in the car, I got Graham settled into his car seat and went to back out of the spot. There was an SUV parked to my right so I couldn’t see if the path was clear. As I slowly backed out, the parking lot mom strolled by with her two kids so I braked and waited for them to pass. When I proceeded to back up again, the mom ran behind my car and yelled, grabbing her TWO YEAR OLD’S hand and pulling him to safety. She shot me the most hateful look I’ve ever seen and then continued on to her car. I was completely shaken up, I had almost run over someone’s child. I stopped and rolled down the window, fully intending to apologize but the woman scowled at me and kept walking. I felt horrible.

On the way home, I thought about that woman and her kids. She has three kids and was walking ahead with the older two, not even acknowledging her youngest in a busy parking lot. When a total stranger almost accidentally KILLED HER CHILD, she instantly faulted me and continued on without holding her son’s hand. I know her parenting probably has nothing to do with her social status but I wonder if her sense of entitlement made her think she was somehow blameless in situations such as this one. I haven’t run into that mom again but I worry about what the conversation might be like if I did. I’m pretty sure I won’t have to trade in my raggedy jeans and holey t-shirt for designers to attend her next Bunco party any time soon.


  1. Peggy

    UGH! Have you ever seen the show New Christine? Sounds exactly like the bitchy moms on that show! People like that really just be unhappy with themselves and we should really feel sorry for them and their kids!
    Rock on Casey!

    Peggys last blog post..Funky Foto Flashback

  2. K

    That’s horrible. I’m so glad it turned out okay, but what was that mom thinking?

    I really hate mean moms. I live deep in the land of the yuppies so we have plently around here.

    Ks last blog post..Boys and Their Toys

  3. jenni

    wow, casy, that must have scared the living shit out of you.

    and those moms are the reason I don’t go to playgroups around here. screw them.

    jennis last blog post..He’s a Booooooob Man!

  4. WickedStepMom

    I am pretty convinced that people today do have a sense of entitlement and feel that they are the most important people in the world. I expect this behavior from toddlers and not grown adults. But I see this all the time where they will ignore their kids and blame everyone else when something goes wrong.

    If their kids are doing well in school, its the teachers fault. If they get into trouble, its another kids fault or the teacher is out to get their kid. Its amazing the lack of care and responsibly that people have.

    WickedStepMoms last blog post..Quirks? I have no quirks…

  5. cat

    omfg i’ve backed out and nearly fainted at the sight of another car i didnt see that i almost hit. i cannot even imagine what that must have felt like. i’m totally freaked out right now! that woman should be punched in the face.

    cats last blog post..hunting for lobsters

  6. Robin

    I hate that stupid clique-y s–t. It’s like they’ve never left high school or something. Well, actually, they haven’t. The fact that you’ve risen far above it says everything about what kind of person you are.
    Sorry that you had to go through this. Upsetting, for sure.

    Robins last blog post..The Handmade’s Tale: Soap Rehab

  7. Michelle

    Oh dear… is this what I’m in for come September? ::shudder::

    Michelles last blog post..Quirks? I Have a Few…

  8. Wendy

    It’s the same everywhere. I have never ‘fit in’ with other moms and honestly when I found out how they act, I am glad I don’t.

    It’s not about us anyway.


    Wendys last blog post..New Word Thursday or go play in the street, would ya?

  9. Sprite's Keeper

    That happened to me in my daycare’s parking lot, only I was moving forward and a kid shot out from behind a parked car into my path and since I was driving so slowly, I was able to slam the brakes and keep from hitting him. His mom (who was on her cell) yelled at me loudly in front of a very busy lot for almost killing her kid.
    I actually went up to her later in the building and quietly pulled her aside and explained how much fault she had by NOT holding her kid’s hand and NOT paying attention to her kid at the time and how I WAS paying attention to her kid which is why he was playing happily in his classroom instead of sitting in an ambulance. She then burst into tears right in front of me. She was having a bad day and apologized. She’s always made a point to say hi ever since.
    But bitchy moms by trade who hang together in cliques? I call them “junk bonds”.

    Sprite’s Keepers last blog post..Spin Cycle: Quirky is as quirky does.

  10. Sammanthia

    Ryerson is four years old and I still make him hold my hand in the parking lot. I don’t think he has the slightest comprehension of what’s going on around him. A two year old definitely doesn’t.
    Shortly before we moved a 9 yo girl was killed in a parking lot because someone wasn’t paying attention. It DOES happen.

    Sammanthias last blog post..Spin Cycle: Licensed To Mentally Ill

  11. HeatherPride

    When Logan was 2 one of his favorite things to do was break free from my hand and run full-throttle into streets and parking lots. He caused people to have to slam on their brakes more than once, and it was so embarrassing (and scary!) to me. I always apologized to the drivers when that happened, because I know they probably all just about had heart attacks! And yes, I did finally become the mom who broke down and got the leash for her kid. He was that good at getting away. We got some stares after that, and a few snide comments muttered our direction, but hey – my kid survived the terrible twos in one piece!!

    HeatherPrides last blog post..Add This to the List of Things NOT to Joke About With Complete Strangers

  12. ck

    That shaky feeling is the worst.

    I had someone back into my car (where I had the right of way) and he yelled at me as if I had done something wrong. He was one of those parents too, and was all up in arms about hitting my car when his son was in the backseat.

    I was in shock, I mean, I had a kid in the backseat too. And I was the one that got hit.

    I don’t know who these people are, or why they’re better than the rest of us, but this guy is paying out-of-pocket to make my car look better than it did before he hit me.

    My passive-aggressive way of flipping him the bird.

    cks last blog post..pretty

  13. bex

    so, this is what i have to look forward to next year. the first time i heard about mom-clicks i was shocked and a little disgusted. hello? didn’t you graduate high school? clicks are a thing of youth, leave it behind.

    that is so scary to almost hit a child! gabriel ran out in the target parking lot. it was me giving gabriel the firm talking to and apologizing to the driver who had a near heart attack. i am so sorry that happened to you!

    bexs last blog post..Spin Cycle: For quirky people, we sure are dull

  14. Amber

    That kinda shit makes my teeth and my fingertips hurt. Freakin’ skank mom! Good thing you’re not a dumb ass and at least had the presence of mind to go slow.
    I showed Harley Elliot’s picture in your WW post and he said ya…he’d like to tap that.

  15. Michele

    Wow, I’m sorry that you had to go through that. Scary. Some kids are escape artists but this doesn’t sound like that was the case here. The mom was just not paying attention. Good grief the kid was only 2 shouldn’t she have had a hand on him or a leash at least?

    Micheles last blog post..Friday Food

  16. Keely

    Ugh, how scary for you! I would be shaking the rest of the day.

    I find that when people KNOW they’re at fault, they tend to lash out. I’ve done it myself. Later on they’re usually too embarrassed to apologize, but if you call them on it like SK did they might admit it.

    That doesn’t mean she isn’t a bitch normally, though.

    Keelys last blog post..I pretty much apologize to anybody who’s ever been published: Friday Fill-Ins

  17. Beth

    Some of the most entitled people in our area have recently had big financial changes in their lives and they are now lost, you know…entitled without the entitlements!

    Beths last blog post..What’s a Little Self-Linking Among Friends?

  18. FoN

    The world is full of assholes, unfortunately. And STUPID assholes at that. What mother doesn’t have a death grip on her 2 year-old in a parking lot for crying out loud?

    FoNs last blog post..Yeah, they’re Weirdos – but they’re MY Weirdos.

  19. Becky

    OMG, I would never not have my two year-old by the hand in a parking lot. Heck, my 8 year-old still wants to hold hands because of the fear I put into her!

    Good on you for going slow (and for not being a bitch!)

    Beckys last blog post..A Tale of Two Lodgings, Part One: Borg’s Motel in Pacific Grove

  20. Cape Cod Gal

    That’s awful! You deserve better than that. Screw the snobby mommies! I bet they’re just jealous that they wouldn’t look half as good as you do in your rags.

    Cape Cod Gals last blog post..Ornery or Horny – Which One Is Me?

  21. Lisa

    What was her problem?! What stuck up snobs. I can imagine how you felt because I almost hit a little girl once who ran out in a parking lot. Her mom glared at me, but she wasn’t even watching her — she was chatting with some guy and never even saw her little cherub take off on her.

    Lisas last blog post..Shh….I have a secret. . .

  22. cara

    I like Beth’s comment about the financial woes hitting the entitled. That’s happening big time around here & boy are the attitudes a-changin’.

    We have our fair share of bitchy moms @ playgroup here, too. They corral themselves in a little corner & gossip while their kids are total terrors to the rest of the kids.

    And yesterday at the doctor’s office, I was the one getting the stink eye. From the mom who was letting her 3 kids run around like little heathens (and reprimanded by the receptionist three times, no less). Excuse me, princess, for keeping my daughter entertained while we were waiting. I suppose it would have been more socially acceptable to let her climb on the chairs with your brats?

    caras last blog post..Listen here, Sonny…

  23. Heather

    Some “people” just shouldn’t breed!!!

    Heathers last blog post..Hedgehogs, boogers, and wine!!!

  24. Captain Dumbass

    Help her kids out and run her over next time you see her. It’s the right thing to do.

    Captain Dumbasss last blog post..Giveaways and Blogiversaries

  25. Jessica Bern

    r u sure that isn’t one of the moms I met in the park the other day when I went hiking with P?

    God, they are everywhere

  26. Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)

    UGH! There are those same snobby ‘mom-cliques’ at Princess Nagger’s school – which is why I rarely ever show up there…thank god she loves riding the bus so I don’t have to run into them. That mom was totally in the wrong not having a death-grip on her 2 year old’s hand – that’s how I’ve always been…even now at 6, Princess Nagger knows that she can’t step one foot in a parking lot (or any place with moving vehicles) without holding my hand.

    I like Captain Dumbass’s suggestion – next time run her over…it’s the right thing to do! LOL! 🙂

    Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)s last blog post..Virtual Girl’s Night Out – The Love Boat Edition

  27. Petra a.k.a. The Wise (Young) Mommy

    I hate moms like that! I am the youngest by about 10 years ALWAYS at the school function for my son, and all the other moms are very conservative and un-hip and I get the nasty looks, me with my tattoos, bright red highlights and Chuck Taylors. So I know how you feel. However, I have had the opportunity to actually talk to some of these women and they turned out to actually be surprised that I am not some young, stupid kid. “People are strange, when they are strangers.”

    But those women you speak of? Sound like cunty bitches. lol.

  28. Kirst

    I’ll take you in your old jeans and holy eagles t-shirt anyday! ;op I’ve been in those mother’s clubs and they’re vicious, nice to your face but nasty behind your back. Never again!

    Kirsts last blog post..Hasay-a-go-go

  29. Zip n Tizzy

    My husband was talking to a friend on the train the other day who was still fuming after dropping his daughter off at school. He had slowed down in the crowded parking lot and this mom, in her giant SUV, went peeling out around him nearly hitting some kids in the crosswalk, and then had the nerve to start yelling at him for going to slowly while she was dropping off her kids.
    He was livid.
    These are the mom’s that are starving themselves. Beyond that, I can’t think of any other excuse for their behavior. They’re just hungry, silly women!
    Sorry you had to go through that.

  30. anymommy

    Horrible. On all counts. These women are the reason I really like my house most days and a few wonderful friends.

    I am often in parking lots with three small children and I’ve occasionally lost hold of a hand. I would have been kissing your feet and begging you to forgive me!

    anymommys last blog post..Peace Out

  31. Lin

    Boy, are they missing out on a fun chick! Their loss. Big time. I’ve had my share of those–especially when I sent my kid to the Christian pre-school by my house. Me, being the pagan (in their minds), I wasn’t worthy of their conversation. THANK GOD! Idiots, I say.

    Years later, I ran into these same fools as their kid was on the same baseball team as mine. One of their little girls came over to me and asked why I “always wear lipstick”. Hmmmm…let’s guess what mommy is talking about over there? I told her because it makes me look sooooo pretty. Who cares if I get chapped lips the minute my lips hit the fresh air–I gave them what they wanted to hear. Yeah, I was really sorry they wouldn’t befriend me. NOT.

    And I WAS the cutest mom on the team. 🙂

    Sounds like somebody’s insecure over there too. Or lots of somebodys. Hold you head high and KILL them with kindness–that drives them nuts I tell you. Say “hello” and smile at every opportunity. I’m not kidding–it drives them CRAZY!! And what are they gonna say? “She smiles at me”?

    Lins last blog post..Aunt Lin and Uncle Fain

  32. mrsbear

    Dude, people are idiots. I know exactly the type of mom you’re talking about. I would’ve been a wreck too if I’d almost hit a little kid, but by that same token if it had been my kid wandering a parking lot behind me and almost struck by a car I would’ve been blaming myself. I’ve seen it too, parents walking ahead with tiny little kids trailing behind, it makes me so mad, especially when they’re too small to see over someone’s bumper. Stupid cow. Thank God he was okay, for everyone, that would’ve been impossible to live with.

    mrsbears last blog post..Denied – Half an Inch Shy of a Thrill Ride

  33. Melissa

    Yeah, we have a bunch of really nice moms like this at my kids’ school too. I usually get there just in time for all of them to be on there way out the door as I’m whisking my daughter in to preschool. Same for after school when I pick up all 3 of my monsters. :o)

    Melissas last blog post..Red Chili Recipe for HCG Diet, Phase 2

  34. Lydia @ On The Verge

    Sorry you had to go through this. It is the same here in the Midwest. I hated cliques in high school and I hate them now.

    Lydia @ On The Verges last blog post..Follow Me Friday Week #7

  35. Pseudo

    Life is too shrot to deal with the type A, tuck up bitches. When my daughter played volleyball in middle school, the moms were a click. I tried being nice for daughter’s sake, but after a couple times I didn’t even bother. Just sat on my own.

    Pseudos last blog post..Spin Cycle: Time

  36. Kia (Good Enough Mama)

    What can I say that hasn’t been said? All I know is, there’s a certain “Christian” school that my kid will probably go to eventually and it’s the same shit. Only they’re supposed to be “Christians.” This just means that they gossip and clique in a more self-righteous way…

  37. Katie

    That’s scary! What an idiot that lady is. Sayde is 6 and I still won’t let her walk through a parking lot without holding my hand. Designer haircuts don’t mean there’s a designer brain inside the head – obviously. I’m glad it turned out OK for you, hopefully the dumbass learned to watch her kids better.

    Katies last blog post..Maybe he should have paid her first

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