Club Half As Small As You: Week 22

March 23, 2009 7:00 am

Welcome to week 22 of Club HASAY! Not sure what HASAY is? Read all about it here. Jamie and I are embarking on a new diet today but I’ll wait to share the details until we see how strong our willpower is.

Today’s guest poster is Mrs Bear from Outnumbered Two to One. My Bloggy BFF’s guest post hit home with me since it’s something I worry about with having a daughter.The Bear wasn’t sure that this post was relevant to HASAY but on the contrary, I’m sure many of us HASAYers are the sufferers of self-esteem issues. I know I sure as hell am.


My daughter isn’t happy with the way she looks.

She’s 14. She wants to be a lot of things that she’s not.

She wants to be taller. She wants bigger boobs. She wants to be skinny.

The problem is she’s already thin by my standards. She weighs 115 lbs. She wears a size 5. She’s absolutely adorable, but then again I’m supposed to say that, right? I’m her mom, I look at her through pink spectacles, I am biased.

I’m also to blame.

In my gut I know her insecurities stem from my own insecurities. A day doesn’t go by I don’t loudly lament my muffin top, or say something disparaging about my hair, or openly loathe my reflection. What kind of example am I setting? I rarely allow myself to be photographed because I hate the way I look in them. And when my husband or my kids tell me I look fine, I look great, I roll my eyes theatrically before stalking away to hate myself once more, because clearly love distorts their vision. Clearly they don’t know what they’re talking about.

I have unrealistic expectations. I have a skewed idea of what beautiful is supposed to be.

Currently my daughter believes skinny = happy.

That’s bullshit. Dangerous bullshit at that.

What is important though, is we both be physically fit. We’re both already in healthy weight ranges, yet we both lead pretty sedentary lifestyles. Since she hasn’t been required to take physical education in a couple of years, the only time her heart gets pumping is when she accidentally bumps in to the boy she’s crushing on in the hallway.

So, we’ll embark on our exercise journey together this time. A mix of cardio and strength exercises to make us stronger and healthier.

Consider this – exercise not only improves cardiovascular health, but benefits mental health too. Studies have shown that regular exercise reduces symptoms of depression. It lowers cholesterol, blood pressure, and reduces your risk of having a stroke. It helps you sleep better, improves cognition, memory and sexual function.

There’s no reason not to do it.

I have a goal for myself as well. It involves shutting my pie-hole and putting my self-esteem issues aside. I want to make a concerted effort to build my confidence and hers, to accept myself unconditionally and provide a good example for my girls especially.

I’ll fake it if I have to. Who knows? Maybe at some point I’ll start to believe it too.




  1. Sprite's Keeper

    Great guester, Mrs. Bear! I am going to have to watch what I do when Sprite gets to be that age. Every time John compliments me, I knock myself down. It needs to stop. Sobering stuff there.

    Sprite’s Keepers last blog post..HASAY: Not Quite Up To Scale

  2. Wendy

    Something we all need to remember. Thanks Mrs. Bear.

    Wendys last blog post..Hansel the goldfinch

  3. Peggy

    Thank you for writing that! I feel the exact same way although my oldest dd is only 7. She clearly picks up on everything that I’m doing and feeling! I try to bite my tongue when she pigs out (that girl can EAT) b/c she’s not even slightly overweight for her age and I don’t want to plant any seeds…

    On the other hand, I do want to teach her what’s healthy and “normal”. It is truly a slippery slope!

    Great post…Mrs. Bear!
    XOXO Casey!

    Peggys last blog post..Phoning it in…

  4. FoN

    That was awesome. I have a teenage daughter too and it’s amazing to watch her because everyday I see myself. I have given birth to MYSELF and good or bad, she is who she is because I have shaped her. It’s too much pressure!

    FoNs last blog post..Fat Chick vs. Food – Week Twelve

  5. jenni

    great post mrs. bear.

    jennis last blog post..I’m Shrinking!

  6. HeatherPride

    That comment about the photos shot straight to my soul. I am the exact same way when it comes to pictures. Half of it is because I’m always the photographer, but the other half of it is that I hate the way I look in every picture. I’ll take 10 of myself just to find one that I don’t delete.

    HeatherPrides last blog post..T-Rex Traumatization: A Parent’s How-To Guide

  7. Sammanthia

    Awesome post and I think that it’s perfect for HASAY. All of us have been there and most of us still are.

    Sammanthias last blog post..Three’s Company

  8. Kirst

    I never thought about that, definite food for thought. I get so wrapped up in my own image I’ve never thought about how that might affect Meg. I’ll definitely make a conscious effort to be more positive.
    Thanks! ;o)

    Kirsts last blog post..Hasay-a-go-go

  9. Lydia @ On The Verge

    Great post Mrs. Bear. I am the same way. Why can’t we all be brought up with more self esteem. I have never been physically happy with myself up to this day. I try very hard not to use the word “diet” in my house. I tell my girls I am trying to be healthy. I don’t ever want them to think they need to go on a “diet” because Mommy is.

    Lydia @ On The Verges last blog post..Not Me Monday

  10. Pseudo

    Great guest post. My daughter has always been a bigger girl, which is not easy in our culture. Healthy and happy is most important.

    Pseudos last blog post..Spring Swaporama

  11. Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)

    Such great insight, Mrs. Bear! I try very hard to squelch any of my insecurities about myself around the Princess Nagger…I know she soaks everything up like a sponge…and I don’t want her to get into her tween and teen years down the road with a negative self esteem… Great post! 🙂

    Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)s last blog post..Not Me! Monday

  12. Lisa

    Whoa this is a good one. I am so down on myself. I haven’t even been posting for HASAY because I just don’t want to think about how bad I am doing. I have to think about it, but I don’t want to see it in writing. You are right though — working out is great for a body all around. It would sure as heck help to improve my depression!

    Lisas last blog post..Hmmmm..maybe we’ll just find a new church

  13. carrie

    awesome post. I have a little girl as well and I do not want her to grow up {as I did} with concerns about how I look. I would love to instill in her a positive outlook.

    carries last blog post..{HASAY} Bite Me!

  14. CDB

    IF I’m blessed to have a (sweet, mindful, considerate, attention-paying) little girl someday (I have a boy, could you tell?) I will certainly remember this important post. It’s amazing how much they emulate us.. whether or not we want them to!

    CDBs last blog post..Spin on My Quirks

  15. K

    It’s a great guest post.

    We all absorb so much from our parents.

    Now that I’m a Mom I worry a lot about what type of role model I am.

    Ks last blog post..O Say Can You Sing

  16. Helene

    I always love me some Mrs Bear!! Always has insightful things to say! I’m guilty of the same thing sometimes…I’ll make little comments here and there about the things I don’t like about my body and I know I really need to be more careful b/c little ears are always listening.

    Helenes last blog post..In my own little perfect world…

  17. Holly at Tropic of Mom

    Ah, the female self-image. This is partly why I’m kind of hoping by baby will turn out to be another boy! 🙂 I know guys deal with self-image too, but in a different way that usually doesn’t include hating themselves.

    Holly at Tropic of Moms last blog post..Moms on Twitter

  18. Keely

    Great post! You can’t shoulder ALL the burden for your daughters self-image – girls and women are bombarded at every turn with how we “should” look.

    Good for you for trying to accept yourself and set a healthy example! Fake it til you make it.

    Keelys last blog post..I love it when someone else tries to set a goal for me

  19. Sandie

    Great post! I, too, will have to remember to keep those comments in check. I think I do an OK job of not making them in front of the girls, but you never know what they overhear sometimes.

    Sandies last blog post..HASAY: What the?!?!?

  20. Michelle

    Nicely done and so very true. We tend to forget that there are little eyes and ears watching what we do and how we react to things. I think your idea of exercising together to get healthy is a WONDERFUL one.

    Michelles last blog post..Bleary-Eyed Random Thoughts: This is What Happens When I Don’t Finish The Post On One Day…

  21. Jessica Bern

    this is the healthiest most wonderful idea. Skinny does not signify health. There are a lot of what they call “fat skinny” people out there. Meaning they are thin but their cholesterol, their BP is all out of whack and in dangerous territory. We are what we eat outside and inside.

    Good for you

  22. Zip n Tizzy

    Really great post!
    Wonderful to catch this now and rather than get worried and freaked out take action in a way that will strengthen both your bodies and your relationship. You go mama bear!
    My mom had to fake it so that she didn’t pass on her weight issues to me. She still weighs herself twice a day, but she was always very careful with what she said around me.
    That was 20 years ago. The pressures on girls now are so much worse.

  23. Beth

    A Mom and Daughter’s image is intertwined and in the end can be very supportive of each other.

    Beths last blog post..Do You Detox?

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