Spin Cycle: Survival Of The Furriest

March 13, 2009 5:00 am

This week’s Spin Cycle topic is survival. I thought long and hard about what to write about since I don’t have any momentous survival stories that haven’t already been told on the blog. I started looking through old pictures to jog my memory and it was there I remembered my brush with death.
Several years ago, I attended a luau with my brother. The party was hosted by friends of his and I only tagged along for lack of anything better to do. Earlier that day, I went to the party supply store and picked up the necessary luau attire, a hula skirt and a straw hat. I also donned my coolest Hawaiian shirt to complete the outfit.

When we got to the party, there was plenty of beer to be consumed. My brother lived a block away and I planned on crashing on his couch so I drank it up. And kept drinking. I was having a great time and the more I drank, the better it got. My potty-mouthed storytelling self came out in full swing and the audience was eating it up. There’s a reason I rarely drink anymore and that reason is that I make a complete ass of myself whenever I drink. That, and the fact that waking up hungover with a toddler in your face is less than fun.

Halfway though the night, I went inside to use the bathroom. As I was walking through the living room, I noticed a small dog sitting on an overstuffed chair. Being my drunk and intelligent self, I decided to approach the tiny dog and say hello. I sat on the ottoman and leaned in to pet him. At this point in the story, I should probably mention that I wasn’t yet a dog owner and didn’t really know that proper dog etiquette meant that you shouldn’t approach a strange dog when you’re drunk off your ass and dressed in a hula skirt and straw hat.

As I leaned in to pet the small dog, time slowed down to a crawl. The dog looked at me with an evil glint in his eye and then calmly leaned forward and BIT MY FUCKING NOSE OFF. Ok, not my entire nose but he managed to split my nostril wide open, leaving blood gushing out and a flap of skin in its place. The whole thing actually happened in one long slow motion moment. If my reflexes had been better, I might have been able to avoid getting bit instead, I sat there as my mind was screaming “NNnnnnnnnnnooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!” This is what I saw coming at me:

I ran to the bathroom and inspected the damage. Yes, my nose really was split open and bleeding. Yes, I still looked ridiculous in the straw hat and hula skirt. I held pressure on my nose as I ran to find my brother and tell him what happened. The homeowners were extremely apologetic and everyone formed a sympathy circle around me. I was trying to keep it together but my emotions (and the several Bud Lights I had consumed) got the best of me and my eyes were welling up with drunken-I-miss-my-nose tears. We called it a night and my brother and I went home.

We decided that I could probably live without stitches. My brother’s friends wanted to go back out so they left me there, drunken and chewed on and headed out to a club (man, times were different back then). I sat there in my pity party and called my friends who (from hearing my drunken side of the story), thought my entire face had been bitten off. The three of them hopped in their car and rushed to my brother’s apartment to inspect the damage and offer moral support. It’s nice to have friends run to your side at your time of need and being mauled by Kujo definitely warranted the need for friends. We finished up the night (and the rest of the beer) with some good times and laughs and all ended up crashing on the floor at my brother’s apartment. I had survived my first dog attack and later went on to become a willing dog owner to two dumb, slobbery mutts.

*Note: My nose eventually healed up and eight years later, the scar is barely visible. Kujo happily lived out the rest of his years with his family, except when my brother went to visit. My brother gave Kujo several (size 13) reminders of what he did to me that night. Although I can approach the biggest dogs calmly and without fear, small dogs still freak the shit out of me.

This shot was taken the day after the incident.

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  1. K

    Excellent post. Those little dog can be scary.

    I also make an ass out of myself when I drink – not pretty.

    Ks last blog post..My Inner Mother in Law

  2. Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)

    That looked painful! Luckily you were pretty much feelin’ no pain when it happened…LOL! πŸ˜‰ Those little ‘football’ dogs can sure get fired up, can’t they? πŸ™‚ And how cool that your friends rallied around your time of need… πŸ˜‰ Hilarious post! πŸ™‚

    Stacy (the Random Cool Chick)s last blog post..Fitness Friday – Special Blog Swing Edition

  3. WickedStepMom

    All I have to say is OWWW!!!

    I am glad you survived the Kujo attack!

    WickedStepMoms last blog post..Survival

  4. Cat

    Dude, you’re practically a martyr! So glad you made it out alive.

    Cats last blog post..It WOULD Mean More Sweat Pants…

  5. Laufa

    Ouch that looks painful. Glad you survived!!

    Laufas last blog post..Pointing

  6. FoN

    Sorry to hear about your nose. Punt dogs are stupid – they freak the shit out of me too. And they’re usually super ugly. Ew.

    FoNs last blog post..Receptionist Angst

  7. Sprite's Keeper

    Bwahahaha! You became a toy dog’s chew toy!! That is so freaking funny! Oh, um, ahem, sorry about your nose. Don’t worry about Harry. He may be the size of a Pomerianian, but he only barks. And snaps. And sometimes tears the skin…. not helping…
    You’re linked!

    Sprite’s Keepers last blog post..It’s Tuesday, It’s Random, You Should Expect It Now

  8. Michele

    Snappy yappy little “kick-me” dogs are the worst. Give me big dumb and slobbery any day.

    Micheles last blog post..Thursday Recipe

  9. Wendy

    Had a cat attack my arm and my face when I was 14. I still have the scar on my nose, not readily visible, but there is a little ridge of scar tissue and you can still see the scars on my arm from the claw marks.

    wow, that happened over 25 years.. er .. 15 years ago.. doesn’t seem that long…


    Wendys last blog post..New Word Thursday or it will make you smile, really.

  10. mrsbear

    Oh no! You look so sad with your chewed up nos. It’s hard not to laugh, I’m just imagining you smashed out of your mind and luau clad leaning in to a friggin’ Pomeranian. I had one, she was awful. I was never able to play with her and eventually she “ran” away, although I’m pretty sure my grandfather packed her in his trunk and dumped her in some unsuspecting citizen’s yard. I don’t think she ever made it all the way to Tampa though.

    mrsbears last blog post..Five by Five by Five (Cause I’ve Got Nothing)

  11. Lydia @ On The Verge

    Glad you survived Kujo! Hopefully you didn’t feel it so bad since you had a few.

    Lydia @ On The Verges last blog post..I’m On Top Momma!!!

  12. Ginny Marie

    Your poor nose! I once got too close to a little dog when I was little, and he really snapped at me. Scared the heck out of me!

    Ginny Maries last blog post..Funky Foto Flashback: Who’s Who?

  13. HeatherPride

    Oh, I hate to laugh at your pain, but…..



    Glad you healed up!

    HeatherPrides last blog post..Fat Girls Club – I Will Survive

  14. Ginger

    That’s such a great story!! You really had me going when you leaned into the dog!

    Gingers last blog post..The Ordeal of a Lifetime, Part One

  15. Sarah

    You should have sued!! You could have owned that

    Sarahs last blog post..Friday Frustrations-Do You Think Methadone Works on Caffeine Addicts?

  16. ck

    The only thing worse than a hangover and a toddler is a hangover and a toddler and elmo. That red disaster did me more wrong than the fruity drinks that landed me in that spot to begin with.

    But luckily he left my nose alone. My brain, on the other hand…

    cks last blog post..remembering

  17. Lisa

    The smallest dogs are the nastiest I sweat. Fat cats are horrid too. When Hubby and I first got married his cat seriously tried to take my hand off! Nasty little thing. now she tries to get on the computer and rub all over me when I’m trying to type. And I swear she’s been trying to smother me in my sleep. That cat has issues. Not me. Just the cat. Totally.

    Lisas last blog post..A little mud never hurt anyone . . .

  18. Lisa

    I sweat?! No…I meant to write I swear. ugh! What a day!

    Lisas last blog post..A little mud never hurt anyone . . .

  19. CDB

    YIKES! I’m a dog lover but unfortunately, I grew up with an Akita that bit several people in her lifetime. Never on the nose!

    “Drunken-I-miss-my-nose tears” was the BEST. Those are the WORST kind of tears.

    P.S. I’m scared I might land in HASAY-land with all my Thin Mints, truffles and cookie consumption. Stay tuned.

    CDBs last blog post..Friday Favorites

  20. Ryan

    It’ll be tough to top my hula-girl outfit for last years Joey Oey Golf Tournament. We did win the official drunkest team award… We’ve since been asked not to return to the course… I assume they’re just jealous.

    Ryans last blog post..Building Character

  21. Petra a.k.a. The Wise (Young) Mommy

    Damn little dogs! They are the ones to watch out for!

    Petra a.k.a. The Wise (Young) Mommys last blog post..My Sweet, Perfect Daughter…Kinda

  22. Becky

    Oy, glad it wasn’t worse.

    And I just wanted to “amen” the fact that waking up hungover and caring for a toddler is the world’s worst feeling. I just don’t drink that much anymore.

    Beckys last blog post..Wow, The Woman Is Really Into Safety

  23. bex

    those are my reasons for not drinking too! your poor nose. at least that happened when you were drunk. its not like you were just a sober idiot. takes the edge off, no?

    bexs last blog post..Happy Bday Maddox!

  24. Shangrila

    Your poor nose! One of my best friends in elementary school had 2 little dogs: a Chihuaha and a little benji-type dog. The damn things used to chase us down the hall, biting our ankles. We “got them back” by dressing them in Pound Puppy clothes and using colored hairspray leftover from Halloween to give them mohawks. Maybe Kujo bit you out of jealousy-you WERE wearing a bitchin’ outfit-lol!

    Shangrilas last blog post..Spin Cycle: Exit, Stage Left…

  25. jenni

    you gotta watch the little ones

    jennis last blog post..Deja Vu

  26. Deemarie

    You are totally a survivor!! Little dogs scare the crap out of me too!!

    Just flitting around the blogosphere and wanted to say hi. I miss you and hopefully will be back at some point.

    Deemaries last blog post..I’m So In!!

  27. Stimey

    It’s always the littlest dogs who are the most vicious.

    Stimeys last blog post..The Next INTERNET PHENOMENON, a.k.a. The Chicken Game

  28. Keely

    Little dogs have, well, “little dog” syndrome.

    Also, “drunken-I-miss-my-nose-tears” made me snort water out my nose.

    (I haven’t started on the wine yet).

    Keelys last blog post..I just knew their rewards program was too good to be true

  29. Sandie

    Aww! Your poor nose! Glad it healed nicely.

    Sandies last blog post..RTT, HASAY, Spin Cycle: Three for the price of one!

  30. Lin

    OMG, I really shouldn’t be laughing, but I am. Hard. I can’t believe that stupid dog bit your face! That is so NASTY! And you have a scar?! I’d sue their butts big time–well, just enough for them to have to get rid of Kujo (Cujo?). Sorry for laughing. (snicker)

    Lins last blog post..Cheese Stick Trivia

  31. carrie

    bwahhh haa haa. know it is not cool but I am LMAO!

    carries last blog post..{Spin Cycle} I Hope I Survive…..

  32. steenky bee

    “long and hard” That’s what she said. Is it alright that I’m laughing at this post? I feel a little guilty about that, but, aw hell, this sh*t is funny. Right? Sorry about your nose. I just don’t do little dogs.

    steenky bees last blog post..Survivor

  33. Jessica

    I mentioned in a post way back when that I had a piece of my ear bitten off by a dog named “panther”. He was a big ass dog but the little ones, they are way worse. I’m glad the scar healed so nicely. every time I touch my earlobe I can feel mine

    Jessicas last blog post..DIALING FOR DOLLARS

  34. Peggy

    Sorry that happened to you Casey but I have to say, I’d probably bite your nose off too if you drunkenly approached me in a grass skirt and a straw hat while I was napping! πŸ™‚

    Peggys last blog post..Silly Me!

  35. Mrs. C.

    Ooh, I can’t believe you didn’t go back and make that hairy rat into a slipper….

  36. Christy

    See? That proves my whole hypothesis about little dogs being viscious assholes that don’t deserve to live…okay, I’m exaggerating (a little) but I’ll take my big clumsy (and friendly) dogs ANY day!

    Glad to be back in the land of the internets–I missed you!

  37. Kia (Good Enough Mama)

    Holy shit, doooood. That thing looks exactly like the little furry shitheaded mutt that lives next door to me. It’s the one that Little Man calls, “Our Neighbor’s Yappy Dog.” Eeek.

  38. bex

    hi! i’m commenting twice because i have an award waiting for you at my blog!

    bexs last blog post..My First!

  39. Mama Zen

    Ouch! Evil, evil dog!

    Mama Zens last blog post..How To Hide Anything

  40. Pseudo

    It might be not PC, but I laughed throughout your telling of this spin. You’re a great story teller. I especially loved the “drunken I miss my nose tears.”

    Little dogs freak me out too, they are always the ones that bit me when I worked at a vet’s office.

    Pseudos last blog post..Last Minute WonderNots

  41. Julie@Cool Mom Guide

    You got your ass kicked by an ankle biter. Whoa. πŸ˜‰

    Julie@Cool Mom Guides last blog post..Winner of My Fitness Coach!

  42. Zip n Tizzy

    My kids haven’t quite learned dog etiquette either. They’re supposed to approach the dog’s owner and ask if the dog is friendly with children. Usually the owner can’t understand what they’re saying but it gets them to stop in their approach and it gives me time to assess the situation. Hopefully they’ll have it down by the time they’re drinking!

  43. Katie

    Oh man that sucked. I remember being terrified of dogs when I was a kid for this very reason (althogugh I didn’t spend too much time drunk in grade school).

    Katies last blog post..Ode to Hermit Crabs

  44. Toni

    Yep, ankle biters are the scariest! I am hoping that the beer helped the incident not be as painful!

    Tonis last blog post..Don’t Forget to Win Some Fiber One Bars

  45. sandra407

    Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog. πŸ™‚ Cheers! Sandra. R.

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