February 16, 2009 7:00 am
Welcome to week 17 of club HASAY! Not sure what HASAY is? Read all about it here. I’m pretty sure I’ve gotten fatter since starting this whole HASAY club and it’s probably bad since I’m supposedly the “fearless HASAY leader”. Today, I arm wrestled Jamie three times and lost all three. To be fair, the first time I lost because I was laughing too hard, the second time I gave up because we were in a restaurant and causing a scene and the third time, my children were watching and I had to let daddy look “tough”. Actually, I lost because I’m a weakling so I’ve made it my new goal to kick my husband’s ass at arm wrestling. I’m classy like that.
Today’s guest poster is FoN from Kids And Daiquiris. FoN joined HASAY late in the game and her weekly “Fat Chick vs Food” posts are ones that I really look forward to reading. She always cracks me up and motivates me at the same time. Without further ado, here is FoN’s inspiring guest post:
Hello everyone! This is my first guest posting gig ever, and I’m awfully excited. Especially since I am intimately familiar with the subject matter – how to stop being a great big fat person! Well, correction. I am very familiar with being a great big fat person, less so with the ‘stopping’ part. But I’m working on it.
I’ve been a great big fat person for quite a while now, but it wasn’t always this way. While I’ve never been particularly tiny, I was a pretty average 130lb 5’6 during my youth. This is a fact I was crudely reminded of recently thanks to the soul crushing measure of failure known as Facebook. You know how when you become ‘friends’ with someone you are asked to include a little ditty on how you know them? Well, one ‘friend’ who I actually don’t know all that well (but always thought highly of) used this surprising description for me:
Where you met: “It was 1988 at Massey Pool. You were wearing a skimpy white bikini and I, I was mesmerized”
The memory of hanging out at the pool all summer came instantly flooding back with such force that it was like I was watching it on video tape. I was the psychic on all those crappy Medium-type shows who can smell or touch something and get an immediate front row seat to who the real killer is. I was suddenly face to face with the cold reminder of what and who I used to be. I would have preferred to bare witness to some asshole bludgeoning his wife to death, frankly.
I was……I don’t know. Jealous? Ashamed? Regretful? Hungry? It started to occur to me that I’ve spent more of my life as a fat person than I have as a thin one. The feeling I was having went way beyond bemoaning my teenage body (snarky, overly-sarcastic blogging aside, I do like to pride myself on remaining in reality). That one comment made me remember the FoN from years ago, and I’m sad to admit that I was starting to forget her all together.
She was overly dramatic, kind of a dumbass and definitely suffered from some bad hair and questionable judgement, but she sure was a free spirit. She thought hanging out at the pool all day was the best place in the world to be. Me? Having to spend any amount of time in a bathing suit is a seething hell. I have to stuff my anxiety under the couch in order to force myself to get over it already and take my children to the pool. Interestingly enough, my friends LOVE to suggest going to the pool. I guess if I happened to know someone a lot fatter than me I would love to suggest going to the pool too. Too bad I don’t.
Being overweight puts a little cloud over the things in life that should be joyful. Everything is just slightly tainted because I need to factor in who I may run into, what I will wear, how I will deal with the sad eye looks of pity I get from my skinny friends. Don’t they know that the cocked-head, smile-frown, furrowed brow look of ‘poor you’ makes me want to punch them? I am sometimes tempted to use my 100 pound advantage to start laying down.
But, the skinny chicks of the world weren’t exactly force feeding me ice cream and potato chips for breakfast, were they? Nope, I did that to myself. But, as much as I am responsible for getting myself here, I can get myself outta here too.
The free-spirit, healthy FoN is in there, and she’s getting louder. Every time I make a good decision regarding food or exercise I am reaching just a little further in and pulling her up just that much closer to the surface. I can actually hear her now, which is fantastic because she has been silenced for quite a while. The best part? She’s not such as dumbass anymore. She is also much better at perspective and decision making. She IS making a come back and when she finally does get here, she is going to be awesome.
FoN from Kids and Daiquiris – Guest poster this week and Monday update here!
Amy from Amy’s Annotations.
Michelle from Michelle’s Blog – Monday update!
Kirsty at My Life For The World To See
Tina from Teeny Thoughts
Sandie from Sandie Simply Says – Wednesday update.
Cyndi from The Adventures of HarryJack
Lisette at The Coupon Queen of Corning
Leslie at Captain Crazy – Monday update!
Christy from Heavy On The Caffeine
Kimberly (Sheilamaiden) is from Your Basic Dare To Be Great Situation
Keely from The Un-MOM – Sunday update!
Lisa from Boondock Ramblings
Kristy at Mommy in Pink
Ali over at Aloicious: Life in the SLC
Jen at Coconut Belly
Kat at Mother Fonker
Heidi at The World According To Heidi
Kiki from Kiki’s Corner
Laufa from Morgan Madness – Monday update!
DeeMarie from My Life In A Nutshell
Carrie from Colepack – Monday update!
Cellobella from Redsultana
Jenboglass from Steenky Bee
Jen from Sprite’s Keeper – Monday update!
Heather from Geez Louize!!! – Monday update!
Mrs Bear from Outnumbered Two To One – Sunday update.
Debbie from Buzzin By … With Thoughts On The Fly – Sunday update!
Beth from Drastic Measures – Monday update!
Elisa from Fairy Flutters
Brenda from Seriously Mama
Cape Cod Gal from Diamond in the Rough