February 17, 2009 6:00 am
The other morning started out very shittily (it’s a word). I went to put on my deodorant and it broke into a thousand fucking pieces. I took a little sliver off of the floor and smeared it in my armpits and then went to start my day of getting screamed at by a two year old.
After making a trip to the store to buy more deodorant, I discovered that that particular scent was discontinued. Goddamn it. It takes me a long time to warm up to a new scent so I took my time and tried to pick out one that I might like. Target only sold the newly chosen scent in two-packs so I had to commit myself to TWO entire sticks of deodorant. Now, every time I catch a whiff of the new scent, I wonder what the hell that smell is and think there’s someone in the house.
I was playing with Elliot on the floor today and I smelled shit. I had recently changed her (shitty) diaper so I knew it wasn’t her. Then I started second guessing my wiping skills and sniffed her butt again but still, not her. After about ten minutes of doing this, I realized that we were playing right next to the trash can which contained the shitty diaper. Oh.
We boarded the dogs last week while Elliot had her surgery. I’m not sure if they smeared them in dead flesh or what but every time one of them walks by, it smells like dead ass. I suppose I should wash them or take them through the car wash.
Last week I sat down on the couch and someone else’s fart (I’m not saying who but there are only two adults living in this house) flew up from the cushion into my nose. It was trapped in the cushion waiting to escape and I was the lucky victim. I had food in my mouth at the time and it was not a pleasant experience. This is why I want a leather couch, farts bounce right off of leather. I guess a cork would prevent that from happening in the future too and would be a cheaper solution.
As I typed this list, I realized that pretty much every Random Tuesday post from me has been centered around shit or French fries (but never at the same time). What’s the matter with me?
For more randomness, head over to Keely’s place.
Tags: Random Tuesday Thoughts