I have bad teeth. Let me clarify, my teeth are not bad from a lack of flossing or brushing, it’s a combination of genetics and some really bad dental work. Years later, I’m still paying boohoo cash to have the bad dental work fixed. Last week I had three crowns redone. Three, people. I’ve got more crowns than the entire royal family and instead of the fame and notoriety, I end up broke after each new crown. It’s depressing.

The crowns I got last week were temporaries while the permanent teeth are on order. I’m no stranger to the temporary crown and I know to take it easy on them since they’re not permanently affixed with the high tech glue that keeps them in place indefinitely. The problem is that the three crowns were installed on opposite sides of my mouth, leaving it virtually impossible to chew anywhere without putting pressure on at least one of them.

Later that day, I decided to have a sandwich. Something soft and not too chewy as to not loosen the crowns. I was gingerly eating and catching up on my reader when I felt something crunchy in my mouth. “Oh fuck”, I thought (and possibly said out loud). I spit out the bite I was chewing and found a teeny tiny sliver of the crown but the rest was nowhere to be found. Since it wasn’t in the hunk of chewed food and wasn’t still in my mouth, I deduced that I had swallowed the damn thing. Again, oh fuck.

Aside from the fact that I had to make another dental appointment to have the temporary crown remade, there was the problem of swallowing a fucking tooth. A jagged tooth. Was it going to eat it’s way though my intestines and eventually bite me in the ass on it’s way out? I didn’t know. A quick Google search gave the following advice:

In almost all incidences the crown would pass through in stools without any problem or complications and it will not affect the persons stomach and intestinal tract in anyway.

Though it may take sometimes 2 days or more( a week) for it to pass.

Follow these instructions:

1) Do not induce vomiting ,it can cause you to inhale /aspirate the crown to your lungs.

2) Drink a lot of liquids, until the object has passed your stools.

3) Eating fibrous diet is also recommended.

4) Watch your stools to see if the object has passed, do not use laxative unless told by the doctor.

Drinking plenty of fluids and water with fibers is suppose to help in easy passage.
Also observe for any pain in abdomen. That will suggest a physician visit and may be an x-ray of the abdomen.

The words of wisdom for any dumbasses who swallow a tooth are to drink. A lot. The author must have forgotten to specify that the swallowee should drink a lot of liquor. You know, liquor in the front, poker in the rear, or something like that. I spent the next several days waiting to pay a second time for that crown but thankfully, it never happened. It may have happened, but I at least didn’t get bit on the ass in the process.

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  1. K

    That’s rough (in many senses of the word). I have a mouth full of fillings, but no crowns yet (I’m sure it’s only a matter of time).

    I brush and floss constantly, but I still have bad teeth – definitely not fair. I hope your teeth get better soon.

    Ks last blog post..Thank You Mother Nature

  2. Stacy

    Oh, that is so not fun! Almost been there…I inherited ‘soft’ teeth from my mom’s side, so I have several crowns…I even broke a tooth once eating pumpkin pie! A little disconcerting when you don’t expect something ‘crunchy’ in your bite! 😉 Glad everything came out fine in the end…as far as you know…(snicker!) Maybe the author thought ‘drink lots of alcohol’ was sort of the unnamed rule in ‘drink a lot’. 😉

    Stacys last blog post..Wordless Wednesday

  3. Keely

    It still could….”up to two weeks”? Gah.

    I have bad teeth too. I hope X inherits his dad’s dental work.

    Keelys last blog post..‘Fess up, ya’ll!!

  4. Cat

    Yowsas! Glad you didn’t get bit in the ass, it’s not as much fun when the teeth in question aren’t attached to your sweetie’s head…

  5. Christy

    Ha! Okay, that could’ve been a much bigger problem–thankfully it wasn’t! Yikes!

  6. Irish Gumbo

    “liquor in the front, poker in the rear…” Ah, the t-shirt slogans of a misspent youth.

    Sorry to hear, let’s hope everything comes out alright. Or something like that. 🙂

    (and I’m sorry I haven’t visited lately; who knew that being unemployed could be so ‘busy’? :))

    Irish Gumbos last blog post..Sunday Contest: Caption That Stupid Picture, Third Edition – WINNER! WINNER!

  7. WickedStepMom

    That is the scariest thought I have read/heard all day.. swallowing a crown. Yuck!

    WickedStepMoms last blog post..A light at the end of the tunnel

  8. HeatherPride

    Wow, girl. That’s some story. It’s crazy to think that a whole crown could have slipped down your throat without you noticing.

    Sorry I’ve been away. I’ve been dying of the flu. I really do not know how you managed to keep posting and commenting when you were sick. You win the super blogger award from me!

    HeatherPrides last blog post..Occasional Synaptic Firings, Expressed in Haiku Form

  9. mrsbear

    That sounds awful. I hope you stuck to liquid meals after that. Exactly how many crowns have you accidentally swallowed? Kind of creepy to imagine a full set of teeth floating around your insides.

    mrsbears last blog post..With PMS on the Side – Tuesday Randomness

  10. Sprite's Keeper

    Oh, I hate that crunching when you’re not supposed to hear crunching! It gives me chills! I hope this passes over (through) quickly and you get your perms in soon. I actually never had a cavity as a kid and got my first one as a teen. Last time I went, I was told I had five cavities, but that some of them didn’t need novocaine. I wonder if they were even cavities or just recesses the dentist wanted to file down.. Hm.

    Sprite’s Keepers last blog post..Totally Randomized Tuesday- You know where this is going..

  11. GreenJello

    I had to have my whole mouth redone because of crappy dental work as a kid. I really feel for you.

    GreenJellos last blog post..Wordless Wednesday

  12. Sarah

    Uggg I feel your pain. I never had a cavity until I had my first kid and then it all went downhill from there. Good to know there will be no ass biting…from the tooth that is : )

    Sarahs last blog post..My Very Very Wordful Wednesday

  13. Captain Dumbass

    I think we have the same teeth. My latest problem is loosing the porcelain that my dentist used to smooth out the ragged edges of my two front teeth. Don’t think I’ll be bothering with that again until the I stop wrestling with the boys.

    Captain Dumbasss last blog post..Random Tuesday And Grilled Cheese S*x

  14. Ryan@Cool Dad Central

    Hey, I’m Julie’s Husband and I tagged you in my post.


    Ryan@Cool Dad Centrals last blog post..I’ve been Tagged-25 Things About Me

  15. FoN

    You’re not seriously rummaging through your poop looking for the crown, are you? That would be FUNNY. For me, anyway.

    The teeth thing is weird. I’ve never had a problem and actually didn’t even get my first cavity until I was thirty. The Hubby (who has the exact same teeth maintenance habits as myself) has endless issues and is forever at the dentist. I love my insurance.

    FoNs last blog post..Top Five Worst Jobs Ever

  16. Cameron

    One Friday morning I went to work. By mid-morning, my tooth was hurting. By the end of the day I was nearly in tears. By 10pm I was at the emergency room begging for pain-killers. Some penicillin and vicodin finally calmed my ABSESSED tooth. One root canal later I was fine.

    Like you, I have bad teeth, genetically. I have had several crowns. It sucks. I used to grind my teeth really bad, but then I made my wife start paying the bills. The grinding went away instantly.

    Camerons last blog post..You Rawk / Suck!!!

  17. cyndi

    Hi, sorry I’ve also been MIA with digestive whatnot…ugh. Not the right HASAY approach, but who can complain about 7 pounds?!? I hope your temp leaves with no imprint and you’re all permed up soon. DH has several crowns and an absess story that scared the bejezes out of me. Hope the kids get strong, healthy teeth!

    cyndis last blog post..They came in by twosie, twosies

  18. Julie@Cool Mom Guide

    OMG now I love you MORE. I saw the comment you left Ryan. I love BSG, Dr Who and Torchwood. LOVE THEM. I wanna get it on with Captain Jack, the Dr and Apollo.

  19. Michele

    JR has the worst teeth EVER. I need a savings plan just to pay the yearly expenses. I feel bad for you.

    Micheles last blog post..Momento Monday – News

  20. Michelle

    Oh no. Poor you. I hope you get the permanent solution soon!

    Michelles last blog post..Wednesday’s Fluff

  21. Shangrila

    Ouch! Glad there were no bad repercussions in the end! (Sorry, I just couldn’t help myself!) 😉

    Shangrilas last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts: Migraines and Misspellings.

  22. anymommy

    Okay, that is awful. I hope this too passes easily!

    anymommys last blog post..Is Playing With a Hairball a Sign?

  23. Kia (Good Enough Mama)

    So it’s going to bite you in the ass and then you’re going digging in your poop to find it?

    Dooood, you’ve got my stomach turning.

  24. jen

    i just don’t know what to say to all that information.
    good luck with … everything.

    jens last blog post..poor baby.

  25. Tina

    1. SHUT UP!

    2. I hate the dentist.

    3. I hate anything to do with teeth.


    Tinas last blog post..A Little Bit of Heart and Soul- Spin Cycle

  26. phhhst

    I hope it is OK that I laughed. I feel for you, but you tell the story really funny.

    phhhsts last blog post..Then, Lucky Me, I’m off to the Opera

  27. carrie

    Oh boy. That bites!!!
    Dentists scare the shit out of me, literally.

    carries last blog post..Nuf Said Again…….

  28. jenni

    i have similar dental issues, but after a bad root canal, i haven’t been in over year, which will of course make my dental problems even worse. sigh.

    jennis last blog post..Wordless Wednesday #6: Miles Smiles

  29. Katie

    Silly rabbit, save the frantic poop watching for when one of the kids eats something.

  30. Jonnny's Mommy

    Yeah, I don’t have good teeth either as evidenced by the post I put up today. I hope it all passes soon…ahem.

    Also, I’m going to try to get hooked up on CommentLuv soon. It says it will work with Typepad, but I haven’t had time to figure it out yet. What do you think of it?

    The only problem I see is that it is always behind on my posts by about a week…. wait…it’s working today. Never mind….

    Jonnny’s Mommys last blog post..Get Thee Behind Me, Dentist

  31. Toni

    Let me start by saying glad it did not bite you on the ass!

    But seriously how the hell are you supposed to know if you passed it unless you actually investigate???? Sorry but seriously!!!

    Tonis last blog post..

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