January 28, 2009 6:00 am
I have bad teeth. Let me clarify, my teeth are not bad from a lack of flossing or brushing, it’s a combination of genetics and some really bad dental work. Years later, I’m still paying boohoo cash to have the bad dental work fixed. Last week I had three crowns redone. Three, people. I’ve got more crowns than the entire royal family and instead of the fame and notoriety, I end up broke after each new crown. It’s depressing.
The crowns I got last week were temporaries while the permanent teeth are on order. I’m no stranger to the temporary crown and I know to take it easy on them since they’re not permanently affixed with the high tech glue that keeps them in place indefinitely. The problem is that the three crowns were installed on opposite sides of my mouth, leaving it virtually impossible to chew anywhere without putting pressure on at least one of them.
Later that day, I decided to have a sandwich. Something soft and not too chewy as to not loosen the crowns. I was gingerly eating and catching up on my reader when I felt something crunchy in my mouth. “Oh fuck”, I thought (and possibly said out loud). I spit out the bite I was chewing and found a teeny tiny sliver of the crown but the rest was nowhere to be found. Since it wasn’t in the hunk of chewed food and wasn’t still in my mouth, I deduced that I had swallowed the damn thing. Again, oh fuck.
Aside from the fact that I had to make another dental appointment to have the temporary crown remade, there was the problem of swallowing a fucking tooth. A jagged tooth. Was it going to eat it’s way though my intestines and eventually bite me in the ass on it’s way out? I didn’t know. A quick Google search gave the following advice:
In almost all incidences the crown would pass through in stools without any problem or complications and it will not affect the persons stomach and intestinal tract in anyway.
Though it may take sometimes 2 days or more( a week) for it to pass.
Follow these instructions:
1) Do not induce vomiting ,it can cause you to inhale /aspirate the crown to your lungs.
2) Drink a lot of liquids, until the object has passed your stools.
3) Eating fibrous diet is also recommended.
4) Watch your stools to see if the object has passed, do not use laxative unless told by the doctor.
Drinking plenty of fluids and water with fibers is suppose to help in easy passage.
Also observe for any pain in abdomen. That will suggest a physician visit and may be an x-ray of the abdomen.
The words of wisdom for any dumbasses who swallow a tooth are to drink. A lot. The author must have forgotten to specify that the swallowee should drink a lot of liquor. You know, liquor in the front, poker in the rear, or something like that. I spent the next several days waiting to pay a second time for that crown but thankfully, it never happened. It may have happened, but I at least didn’t get bit on the ass in the process.