It rarely gets cold enough in FL to see your breath. The other day, it was and I realized that I get so excited that I pant like a cheesy phone sex operator just to see my breath. Not that I’ve ever heard a cheesy phone sex operator. Heh.

I hate teaspoons. If I’m shoveling food in my mouth, I want to get a bang for my buck so tablespoons are the standard issued spoon in our house. This morning, I fixed my Frosted Mini Wheats and there weren’t any clean tablespoons so I had to bite the bullet and eat with a teaspoon. That pissed me the fuck off. One FMW per bite? Really? Let’s hope I can recover and have a better day.

I’m so excited to watch the inauguration today. Somehow, it hasn’t sunk in yet that Obama is really going to be our president (woo hoo!) but I hope that spending the day in front of the TV eating junk food will help.

Does anyone else watch “How I Met Your Mother”? It’s like the writers are speaking directly to me, they’re that dead on with their stories. They’re the modern day Seinfeld but with more attractive characters. Pure genius.

When I go through a drive-thru, I usually know what I want before I get there. I get so pissed when people spend ten minutes looking over the fucking menu before they order. Sure, it’s convenient to stay in your car and have someone hand you food but for the love of God (or even if you don’t love God), be prepared. Otherwise, our bumpers might have a chance meeting when I smash into your stupid ass.

Have you ever gone to a restaurant where they serve free bread? I’m positive the waiters are trying to break up my marriage.Β  How else can you explain them ALWAYS bringing three pieces of bread for two people? They want us to fight it out. Little do they know that Jamie always splits the third piece and offers me the bigger half (aww). Your death match strategy might work on weaker couples, but not us. You lose this time, you restaurant bastards.

For more randomness, visit Keely’s place.

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40 Comments

  1. Michele
    on
    1

    I want to watch the inauguration today but am scheduled to be on the reference desk at that time. I sure hope that Hulu has it on later.

    With as little sleep as you’ve been getting you may have hit on a source of income. Phone sex, HeeHee.

    Micheles last blog post..How to make a fool of yourself while changing a tire.

  2. Cape Cod Gal
    on
    2

    I hate the three pieces of bread trick. Although, I’m usually too busy gabbing and Big K grabs that extra piece.

  3. FoN
    on
    3

    I’ve never watched How I Met your Mother, but I think I’m going to start now. Quick – go hit them up for some ad revenues.

    FoNs last blog post..Random Tuesday

  4. Shangrila
    on
    4

    LOL-you’d pass out from hyperventilation here in MN! I love to use soup spoons for everything, and will have to try and catch How I Met Your Mother now that you’ve recommended it. So excited for the inauguration-yay, Obama!

  5. Sammanthia
    on
    5

    Loved this!
    I’m going to have to get in on this RTT.

    Sammanthias last blog post..Happy Birthday, Carter…

  6. feener
    on
    6

    we love watching how i met your mother, it is great writing….although my time in the city was quite a while ago, it does still speak to my single days.

    feeners last blog post..Volunteerism

  7. Laufa
    on
    7

    The free bread is always my downfall.

    Laufas last blog post..Bible Study Babes

  8. Keely
    on
    8

    Sure, sure, you’ve NEVER heard a phone sex operator…

    Keelys last blog post..Plus those clothes would look ridiculous on me: Random Tuesday Thoughts

  9. phhhst
    on
    9

    You’re random thoughts are fun and funny. I think I’ll check out the show you recommended.

    My classroom today? TV is on!

    phhhsts last blog post..Hope and Change

  10. Julie@Cool Mom Guide
    on
    10

    I’d have used a serving spoon. NPH is THE MAN and I always ask for more bread, fill up on it and save my meal for another time. Get the most bang for my buck (and thighs)

    Julie@Cool Mom Guides last blog post..Guest Post on Grammology!

  11. Sprite's Keeper
    on
    11

    I am the exact opposite with spoons. When eating one of my Smart Ones desserts, I use one of Sprite’s small spoons to make it last a little longer. Who’s the freak now? πŸ™‚

    Sprite’s Keepers last blog post..Spin Cycle: What if the Spins are coming in?

  12. Ginny
    on
    12

    My hubby and I love HIMYM! But honestly, can you really see yourself telling your kids about all that sex? I’m going to totally be a mommy hypocrite when my kids get to that age.

    Ginnys last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts: The Grocery Store

  13. Sarah
    on
    13

    I debate the teaspoon over tablespoon every God damn day before breakfast. I mean I like the bigger bites but then I get done quicker which means I just want to eat more?? Sigh

    How I Met Your Mother is awesome!

    Sarahs last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts

  14. Jonny's Mommy
    on
    14

    I’ll be watching the inauguration on my lunch break. I hate how the media is just beating it to death though. I mean it is historic, but do I have to know every move he and his family have made in the last 48 hours? No. I don’t think so~!

    Jonny’s Mommys last blog post..Becoming grandparent softens ‘tough guy’

  15. mrsbear
    on
    15

    lol. You’re nuts. We’re watching the inauguration too, well, the husband is. I try to catch glimpses between Max’s constant pleas for attention. Right now I’m trying to get him to watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I’m gonna hand him a hard boiled egg and hope he leaves me alone for ten minutes. BTW I always pant when I can see my breath, less like a phone sex operator and more like a Labrador. Happy Inauguration. πŸ˜‰

    mrsbears last blog post..All The Cool Kids Are Doing It

  16. Lydia @ On The Verge
    on
    16

    Seriously, I have to agree. Have these people never been to McDonalds before??? Umm…the menu hasn’t changed in….like forever you dumb asses!! lol

    Lydia @ On The Verges last blog post..A Letter To My Daughters About The Inauguration Of Barack Obama

  17. Cameron
    on
    17

    HIMYM – yes. Tablespoon – no. Oddly, I don’t like tablespoons, it’s probably a lazy thing. I have to open my mouth wider. It’s definitely not for lack of eating. Yesterday I ate a pound of burritos for lunch. Yes, a pound. I’m now measuring my food by pounds.

    Camerons last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts

  18. Kia (Good Enough Mama)
    on
    18

    Dooood, the cold breath thing? It never gets old. I’ve lived in the Toronto area my entire life. It never. gets. Old. πŸ™‚

    I’m the opposite with spoons. I prefer the teaspoon. Makes it easier to justify more bites…

  19. Debbie
    on
    19

    “eating junk food” …. what?!!!????

    Hehe … I’ve been munching on hard pretzels this morning. Only three. But they were big’uns.

    Debbies last blog post..Welcome to Washington, Mr. President

  20. HeatherPride
    on
    20

    OK, I am going to make a confession here and say that sometimes I really don’t know what I want until I look at the pictures on the menu screen. I mean, not all the time. But it’s happened.

    Whew, I sure am glad I got that off my chest!

    HeatherPrides last blog post..Butterflies Are Free (But Only Through the Age of Three)

  21. Irish Gumbo
    on
    21

    Cheesy phone sex operators…meh. Spend your money elsewhere. Beyond that, calm down, have some more Cheez-its, reeelllaaaaaxxxx….:)

    Irish Gumbos last blog post..Jacked Of All Trades

  22. Shieldmaiden1196
    on
    22

    Personally I think a place like Taco Bell should just require you to order by the pound. Its all different configurations of the same five things. I should be able to roll up and say, half a pound, no beans. As for McD’s, I hit it like a crack addict anyway so ordering by the numbers (instead of having to utter the word ‘double’) cuts down on the shame.

    Shieldmaiden1196s last blog post..The road goes ever on and on….

  23. Heather
    on
    23

    Just wait until your kids get older and just the thought of going “into” the fast food restaurant….well, hell…I curse you with indecisive kids one day!!! Because this is what you will get….What do you want to eat? Three different answeres all at the same time…or “I don’t know…what do they have?” Or…I don’t want hamburgers! Can we go to taco bell instead!!! Just wait woman…my curse is going to get you and I will be behind you honking my horn for you to hurry up and order!!!

    Heathers last blog post..Brilliant idea!!!

  24. Kelly
    on
    24

    Your teaspoon tirade just made me laugh so much my hubby looked up and asked what the hell I was doing….Well actually, the problem was, in an attempt to stiffle my giggles, I snorted. Something that always makes him take the piss!!
    Funny post – I like!

    Kellys last blog post..I’ll take the letter "P" please…..

  25. Michelle
    on
    25

    LOL! It’s -25 here, you can come over and see your breath any time. Oh, and I found something we DON’T have in common (there’s a first for everything, right?), I’m a teaspoon girl. Tablespoons are too big.
    πŸ˜‰
    Nicely done!

    Michelles last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts

  26. Christy
    on
    26

    Holla on the drive thru customers! Be prepared people! Today was a crazy exciting day, eh? I was in awe-I was in the grocery store during the swearing-in part and proceeded to cry in front of 20 strangers.

  27. Sandie
    on
    27

    I love, love, love HIMYM!! I adore Barney…he’s my favorite character!

    And I sooo hate when people aren’t prepared when they go to the drive thru. If you don’t know what you want, walk inside and order!!

    I’m glad somebody is finding a silver lining in this cold! It’s enough to make me want to move to the equator!

    Sandies last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts

  28. goodfather
    on
    28

    We just initiate a first strike at the restaurant and ask for five pieces of bread up front.

    Waitress: I’m sorry?
    Me: One eyebrow raised.
    Waitress: Five pieces?
    Me: Two eyebrows raised.
    Waitress: Um… OK…
    Me: [Silently] Winner.

    goodfathers last blog post..Big day

  29. Jim
    on
    29

    HIMYM cracks me up. It’s college all over again for me.

    It bugs the living crap out of me too when people browse the drive up menu. Unfortunately that person is generally sitting next to me in the car.

    Jims last blog post..Totally Ignoring the Inauguration…

  30. Stacy
    on
    30

    OMG you’re practically inside my head with this post! LOL!!!

    My Little Princess loves to see her breath – she walks around pretending she’s a choo choo train…

    LOVE HIMYM…Hilarious!! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

    Everything else you wrote? SO Me!!! πŸ˜‰ I knew there was a reason I liked you! πŸ˜‰

    Stacys last blog post..Me Time and Surprises

  31. Brenda-SeriouslyMama
    on
    31

    My hubs is in Orlando this week. It’s warm here today (12 degrees above zero) and he’s pissed that it’s not beach weather down there. Serves him right for “working” in Florida over my birthday.

    Brenda-SeriouslyMamas last blog post..Not just another Tuesday…

  32. Captain Dumbass
    on
    32

    This post makes me so happy I found your blog. I think there should be a gigantic spring loaded under the drive-thru window. Take too long and you and your car gets bounced. I’m thinking at least a block.

    Captain Dumbasss last blog post..May The Cheese Be With You

  33. K
    on
    33

    I love How I Met Your Mother. It’s one of my very favorite shows. I also really enjoy Big Band Theory (because I’m a big dork like that).

    Ks last blog post..The Day After

  34. Toni
    on
    34

    I am the opposite. I want the smaller spoon and smaller fork. I am not sure why.

    Never miss How I Met Your Mother!!! Love it!!!

    Tonis last blog post..

  35. Ali
    on
    35

    Teaspoons blow!

    Alis last blog post..Like Beyonce’s booty

  36. Amber
    on
    36

    It kills me at the McDonald’s drive up the most. Like anyone on this planet doesn’t have that damn menu memorized? Come on, people! And maybe you should start using the teaspoon to eat with. It might help in your HASAY thing. Y’know? Like when you use smaller plates to have the appearance of having more food? Just sayin’.

    Ambers last blog post..Tales of a Fourth Grad…er Staying Home Because He’s "Sick"

  37. carrie
    on
    37

    Man, it is “that time of the month” and NOW I am going to McD’s for lunch, great. I blame you.
    Also, they do it with appetizers. WTF?? They always server an odd number? Why. I am usually gracious and let Andy have it unless I REALLY like it, then tuff shit, I take it.
    I do not share well, in general.

    carries last blog post..Sensory Seeker – Spin Cycle

  38. Kirst
    on
    38

    Oooh I thought you were a phone sex operator..lol Damn now I want my money back. ~grin~ I need to start doing this rambling tuesday thingy.

    As for the bread I always stop the waiter and say unless you have an even number in there son take it back and double it, Thanks! ~with a big grin lon my face that says don’t fuck with my food or you wont get a tip and I just might go postal on your ass~.

    Kirsts last blog post..DJ Kirst lay dem funky rhymes down (fricky, fricky, fr… whateva!)

  39. Katie
    on
    39

    HA! While I was pregnant with Ella, I NEEDED fried chicken for lunch one day so I went to Bojangles for the first time. As I stood in line looking over the menu, I could feel the Hate stares from the people behind me.

    Katies last blog post..So much fun, I broke my brain.

  40. cyndi
    on
    40

    So glad to see your funny is still intact, despite the insomnia! Hell yeah on the HIMYM, DH was hooked as soon as Marshall said ‘dropped a deuce’…he’s taught the boys now, so I’m not sure if I want it to become more popular or not LOL Happy week! I think I’m caught up now πŸ™‚

    cyndis last blog post..They came in by twosie, twosies

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