The Legend Of Poop Foot

January 14, 2009 7:00 am

I remember it like it was yesterday. It was three days ago, so that helps. It was already dark outside and Elliot and I were in her room winding down for the night. We were rocking and singing and enjoying the moment as I snuggled her closely and kissed her sweet head. The fan hummed in the background, creating the illusion that we were somewhere else. I was getting sleepy from all of the rocking when I heard the screams. “Help. HELP. HEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPP!!!!” I listened closer to see if it was just Jamie and Graham playing their nightly game of chase. There was a sense of urgency in the screams and I knew they were serious.

I jumped up from the chair, clutching Elliot tightly. We crept into the hallway to see Jamie holding Graham midair. “I’ve got POOP. It’s everywhere. EVERYWHERE. There’s some on top of my left foot and on the bottom of my right.” I didn’t believe him so I looked down. Sure enough, there was a chunk of shit on top of his foot and he was holding his other foot in the air, standing flamingo-style. A very impressive move while holding a thirty-two pound toddler in his arms. The poop-adrenaline must have given him super human strength to be able to stand like that and not topple over.

“What happened?”
“I don’t know. He shit and somehow lost containment. It’s everywhere and I walked through it before I realized what had happened.”

I looked around to see little smeared shitcakes spread across the carpet. In the carpet. On my new Ikea kitchen rug. We had just gotten home a few hours ago and unpacked that new rug. The poor rug didn’t do anything to deserve being shit on.

“What should we do?” asked Jamie.
“Uh, clean it up,” my smartass self replied.

After I wiped the shit off of Jamie’s feet, we agreed that the garage would be a good place to clean the kid off . Jamie carried poor Graham and his sagging shit-filled diaper out to inspect the damage. I grabbed a diaper and a box of wipes and went to town, doing an impressive mid-air diaper change while Jamie held him in place. When I opened the old diaper, it dropped like a rock and landed on the garage floor with a thud. That’s when we saw it. Bright green shit. It looked like someone had filled his diaper with guacamole.

“What the hell is in there?”
“Shit. Green Shit”
“I know, but wtf did he eat to get shit that color?”

We all went inside with our now clean child and racked our brains, trying to think of what he could have eaten. We slowly went through each menu item that had been ingested that day and had nothing. We had been on the road for the past thirty hours so there were several different places where we had eaten. Then I remembered the Fruit Loops that he had inhaled at the hotel’s breakfast buffet that morning. Graham had turned up his nose at everything else we offered him , as a last ditch effort we offered up the sugary goodness. He had never had them before and he happily gulped them down. Don’t judge people, we were on vacation. Now those wonderful loops of heaven were smeared in my carpet after escaping through the other end.

While Jamie bathed Graham, I spent the next several minutes combing through every inch of floor space we own. I had to steer Elliot away from the high poop-traffic areas and cleaned up several poop splatters in the process. This weekend will be spent shampooing the carpets to remove any remnants that I may have missed. Those Fruit Loops made a lasting impression on this family. Somewhere in this story, there’s a lesson to be learned. Whether it’s avoiding feeding our children sugary cereal or to look where you’re walking, I’m not sure. What I do know is that Poop Foot is real, I saw him with my own two eyes.

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  1. Michelle

    LOL! Lesson learned. I will avoid those.
    See, and I thought that the pooplosions stopped after infancy… Yet here they are again. Not fair.

    Michelles last blog post..Quick Random Thoughts: Nursemaid Edition

  2. K

    You know you’re a mom when….

    Poor rug. It never had a chance.

    We had puke everywhere yesterday if it makes you feel any better.

    Ks last blog post..Puke-O-Rama

  3. Michele

    I always hated major blowouts. Too funny now. Probably wasn’t at the time.

    Micheles last blog post..Ouch!

  4. Sprite's Keeper

    Fruit loops equals green poops.
    Word to the wise.

    Sprite’s Keepers last blog post..Spin Cycle: What if the Spins are coming in?

  5. Cat

    I have heard many a tale of Poop Foot. You are lucky to have survived your encounter with him.

    I’ve seen his relative Poop Hand with my own two eyes. Oh god, was that funny.

  6. Cape Cod Gal

    Poop Foot in our house usually means you have ventured outside in bare feet and stepped in something that was missed during “yard patrol” This happens to me at least twice every summer.

  7. GreenJello

    I once saw Child Of Poop Foot. It emerged from a bedroom, supposedly after having taken a nap, and was covered in poop.

    GreenJellos last blog post..Migraines and Headaches

  8. Sarhi

    LOL. WOW….thanks! I needed that this morning. Agood laugh about poop is the right way to start my morning. That was great. I think we all have a baby poop story.

  9. jen

    i love how husbands can (rarely) figure that shit out on their own and come screaming for help.
    but a mom … alone … could do it while juggling a baby on her hip.

    jens last blog post..three requirements.

  10. DeeMarie

    That is the funniest post I’ve read in ages. Don’t get me wrong, I cried a little when I read about that poor defenseless Ikea rug, but other than that… HA HA HA HA HA HA!! POOP FOOT!!!!

    DeeMaries last blog post..Interview Meme, Round 2

  11. Keely

    Hahhahhaha, “lost containment”. Love it.

    We call them “assplosions” around here. Good to have confirmation that Poop Foot is real.

    Keelys last blog post..A wine whine and some other drugs: Random Tuesday Thoughts

  12. HeatherPride

    Oh girlfriend, that story sucks butt. What a way to wind down after a family vacation, huh? I suppose we will be avoiding any and all Fruit Loops from here on out!!

    HeatherPrides last blog post..Queenie

  13. FoN

    OK, that was gross. I’ve been there ‘tho! A friend of mine calls fruit loops ‘vacation cheerios’ because the only time she’ll let her kid eat them is when they’re on holiday.

    FoNs last blog post..Fat Chick vs. Food – Week 2

  14. Beth

    Brings a whole new vision in my head about the “Lucky Charms” in my pantry.

    Beths last blog post..HASAY Guest Post Today

  15. Captain Dumbass

    Ugh. I’m so glad we’re almost past that.

    Captain Dumbasss last blog post..Womanizer, With A Twist

  16. Petra

    hahahaha Poop Foot is real! Priceless!

    Sorry for laughing at your misfortune, I really am sorry about the Ikea rug.

    But the image is just hilarious!

    Petras last blog post..No More Poop Under My Fingernails. And How is This Sad?

  17. Chris Wood

    It’s real! OMG it’s real!!!

  18. Monica

    Too funny Casey! I think you should now refer to them as Poop Loops! -Monica

    Monicas last blog post..Kudos to stay at home parents

  19. Mrs. C.

    Ha! Ha! Ha!
    Oh how I needed a good snorty laugh this morning. Day 2 of sick-kiddo-at-home, and it’s after a weekend of nursing deathly-sick-husband at home with the same bug. Fever goes up, fever goes down. And usually when fever goes up, other stuff comes up too.

    BTW, I think I saw Poop Foot’s second cousin, Barf Leg, here at 2:30 a.m.

    Thanks again for the funny!

  20. WickedStepMom

    That is the craziest story I have heard all day. I am sorry that you had to comb through the carpets.

    WickedStepMoms last blog post..Stories that need to be told: Part 1

  21. Christy

    OMG–you are KILLING me! That is hilarious…and disgusting all at the same time! Hahaha.

  22. mrsbear

    Lost containment? Ha! There’s been a breach, a breach in the diaper! Sorry your little catastrophe brings me amusement, I’ve had a long day, and I’ve sooooo been there. Maybe not with Poop Foot, but in a shitty situation nevertheless. Pun intended. Hope your charming rug gets decontaminated soon. If you think Froot Loops are bad, you should see what Oreos do. 😉

    mrsbears last blog post..(Nearly) Wordless Wednesday – Someone Needs a Haircut

  23. Elle Charlie

    Oh, that sounds terrible! Poor… well, poor all of you! Who knew Fruit Loops could do that kind of damage? I had no idea, makes me not want to eat them myself!

    Elle Charlies last blog post..A warning shot fired

  24. Krystal

    Welcome to my world. Please enjoy your stay.

    May I comment? The Resolve Carpet Cleaner with Oxygen Action works great but remember that you have to vaccuum after it dries, not while it is drying, If you do, then you will have nasty streak stains.

    Let me know if I can be of further service to you.

    Krystals last blog post..A read to WOW your mind

  25. Lydia @ On The Verge

    Better hubby than you! lol Just kidding,hubby.

    Lydia @ On The Verges last blog post..Wordless Wednesday – My Rock Band

  26. Debbie

    Bwaaa-ha-ha-ha … um, I mean, I’m sorry … ha ha ha ha ha … no, really, I’m sorry.

    And I’m so happy that my kids are grown!

    Debbies last blog post..Daddy, What If?

  27. shonda

    This post would already be the shit, pun very much intended, without my husband basically having the exact same experience with our youngest this evening. Well, not the exact same, Rolan’s poo wasn’t neon colored, but it certainly was all over Rowdy’s foot and Rolan’s leg. Oh, parenting!

  28. Kia (Good Enough Mama)

    “He shit and somehow lost containment.”

    THIS is the best blog line I’ve read in days. BEST! Love it.

    Kia (Good Enough Mama)s last blog post..Wordless Wndesdyadnsy

  29. cyndi

    Awww, poor Jamie, and poor Casey, and poor rug, and poor Elliot for a lost snuggle, and poorpoor pooped out Graham! Those green ones are the worst, but it’s not just froot loops because it’s been a long time since we did the hotel breakfast FL treats :shrug: I hope the steam goes well, and just wish it were a spa-version for relaxation 😉

    cyndis last blog post..And the forests will echo with laughter

  30. Jim

    Lol…that’s too funny. Lime popsicles…same thing, btw. Beware.

    Jims last blog post..The Ride

  31. Becky

    Oh nooooooo! I have been there–standing in a literal shitstorm and not sure where to start cleaning first. Sounds like you handled it with aplomb!

    Beckys last blog post..It’s a Knick-Knack, Patty Whack

  32. Amber

    Did you know that when a child shits on the floor you’re not supposed to whack ’em on the head with a rolled up newspaper?

    Well now you do.

    (That’s not mine. It’s Larry the Cable Guy’s.)

    Ambers last blog post..I Don’t Even Know What to Call This Post Because I Want to Use a Swear Word That Starts With "A"

  33. jenni

    that was such a glorious moment for Graham. He got to eat froot loops, poop on his dad, and poop green. the trifecta of awesome for a toddler.

    jennis last blog post..Wordless Wednesday #5: The Hat

  34. Jonny's Mommy

    A poop story! A grand poop story. BTW my SIL told me purple juice will also make their poop green. Jonathan’s was a lovely moss green one night and he didn’t have fruit loops. He had grape juice though.

    Hope the carpets make it.

    Jonny’s Mommys last blog post..Becoming grandparent softens ‘tough guy’

  35. How to Party with an Infant

    Yes, Poop Foot is very, very real. So is Poop Between the Toes.

    How to Party with an Infants last blog post..Watching the Bachelor with my Daughter

  36. Kirst

    LMAO Not the IKEA RUG! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Awww feel for ya babes! Nothing like a pile of shit to ruin a perfect moment.

    Kirsts last blog post..Her first Karate test!!!

  37. carrie

    Dude, poop just sucks. Every aspect of it.
    I can not wait to get out of the poop stage.

    carries last blog post..Disneytopia

  38. Linda

    Yikes… not funny. I’m sure it won’t be the last. Hang in there.

  39. Toni

    Wow! Sounds like an event for sure!

    Tonis last blog post..

  40. Katie

    We just gave Connor fruit loops for the first time on our vacation. Thankfully, no green poop – that I have found…

    Katies last blog post..So much fun, I broke my brain.

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