September 11, 2008 6:45 am
I’ve never belonged in the Starbucks clique. I don’t know how to order a ten-worded latte that costs a dollar per word. I have an issue with spending that much on a single drink and truthfully, I don’t even like the taste of Starbucks. We can still be friends, can’t we?
We never drank coffee around here until recently. Now we drink it maybe twice a week. We drink it for enjoyment, we don’t require it to function. Usually Jamie or I will suggest a coffee run when it’s been a particularly tantrumy day on the toddler front. It’s nice for one of us to get a break to drive to get it, and it’s nice to be able to tag out to enjoy a sip while the other person is dealing with toddler angst. Since we don’t do Starbucks, our default option is Dunkin Donuts. I love me some DD coffee, it’s the average man’s coffee. Actually, I love me some cream and sugar with a splash of coffee but that’s not the point.
Since we’re new to the coffee-drinking world, I’m a coffee-ordering amateur. If I want it light and sweet, do I order it with extra cream and extra sugar or extra extra of both? Do I just say “light and sweet?” I’ve bashfully tried all of the above ordering options and gotten a different mix every time. I’ve actually been meaning to research coffee ordering etiquette online so I can avoid sounding like a bumbling idiot every time I try to order.
Recently, I noticed a peculiar trend when ordering in the drive-thru at Dunkin Donuts. They NEVER tell you the f’ing total when you order, it’s always “pull around for your total.” I thought it was a fluke the first few times it happened but now I’ve come to know it as standard procedure. WTF is with the mystery price? Did someone at corporate decide that people would squeal off from the parking lot without paying for their coffee if they knew the actual price when they ordered? Let’s reel them in, make them come to the window and then we can slap them with the total. TAKE THAT, YOU RAT BASTARDS. It’s not like their shit is expensive either. I ordered a bagel, a breakfast sandwich thingy and two coffees the other day and it totaled around six dollars. That’s nothing, roughly the price of a straw at Starbucks.
The mystery price doesn’t bother me by itself, it’s the fucking shocked look on the employees faces when you have to scramble to find the right amount after having the total sprung on you at the window. I think I’m going to keep a little calculator in my cup holder from now on so I can figure out the total ahead of time and stay on my coffee game. I’m wondering if I’m the only one out there who is baffled by this crazy phenomenon?