December 30, 2008 7:00 am
Everyone has them, the resolutions that you promise to work on starting first thing next year. For me, it’s a ticket to eat/do what I want for a few more months while the days inch near and I have to finally behave again. It seems fitting that this week’s Spin Cycle topic was resolutions. I can’t wait to hear what other tall tales people spin!
With such a laundry list of resolutions ahead of me, I figured it best to list them out. Hopefully putting them all in print will force me to get off of my fat, lazy ass and follow through. You all are here to hold me accountable. Great. Read em and weep.
- I will stop using the word “awesome” in daily life and every blog comment I leave. I realize that if I’m bothering to leave you a comment, then chances are you are in fact “awesome” but I’d like to stop living in my Point Break days and graduate to 2009 with civilized adult jargon. How awesome would that be? From here on out, only Barney Stinson may use the word awesome and get away with it.
- I will stop competing to leave the “first” comment on all of your blogs. If I do happen to show up first and leave the first comment, I will possess the maturity level of someone over well, five, and refrain from saying “First”. I have to admit that I usually only play that game to piss the rest of you off when I beat you. Sorry.
- I will also stop leaving several comments such as “First”, “Second”, “Third”, “Fourth” and “Fifth”. If I had intended to leave the first comment and then some asshole (possibly you) squeaked in front of me, I won’t get pissed and leave an extra comment cursing your name.
- I will stop drinking soda. Not just switch from regular to ass juice (diet), I will stop altogether. This one is going to be the hardest resolutions to keep because I love me some McDonalds Coke and make daily trips to get it. I’ll be replacing the soda with water and 10,000 trips to pee since water makes me go every two seconds. This ought to be fun with two kids in tow.
- I will stop procrastinating about exercise and actually get off of my ass and make HASAY proud. I will stick to my guns and do it. The blogs and TV can wait twenty minutes while I do my 30 Day Shred video, no matter how much I convince myself they can’t. See earlier resolution about being the first to comment on new posts.
- I will try to be a more patient and fun parent. These past several months of having sick and grumpy kids have done a number on me and I’ve noticed that my patience isn’t what it once was. I’m going to really work on that. My kids are only going to be young for so long and we need to have more fun with them.
- I will stop eating SHIT FOOD for breakfast every day. Somehow I offered Graham a McDonalds breakfast burrito post-tonsillectomy and it was one of the first foods he actually ate. He gobbled the entire thing up and ever since, we’ve been making daily trips to McDonalds to ensure the kid eats something. Of course, we wouldn’t want to waste all of that gas driving to McD’s and not get something for the rest of the family so I’ve been dining on McGriddles every morning. Shame shame. It ends now.
- I will attempt to cook instead of looking for the easy, fast, microwavable way out. I will attempt to plan meals ahead of time and maybe I’ll learn a thing or two from this wise lady. I’m amazed at the organization and planning that goes into her shopping trips and I want to be like her.
- I will try to keep a clean house. Every night post-dinner, post-bedtime, I plop down at the computer (instead of exercising or cleaning). I’ll try to allot some of that time to cleaning the house so I don’t feel like we live in a pig sty. My target area will be cleaning off the dumping ground/counter that is perpetually covered with shit. Not shit shit, random junk that should be put away in its proper place. Also, having a clean house can do wonders on my state of mind so there’s that.
- I will spend more time with Jamie. Kids take up most of our time and there’s rarely any left for US time. I’m going to somehow make it happen, even if it’s just going out for dessert post-bed time (we’d get a sitter, duh). We need us time to stay connected and happy and it’ll trickle down on the kids when we are happy. I’ll also try to stop taking out my frustrations on him for no apparent reason. Since I can’t yell at the kids (too loudly), Jamie gets to hear all about it when I’m upset/frustrated. I’ll cut the dude some slack since he’s pretty much the perfect husband/father.
- I will stop playing the “laundry game” with Jamie. No, this isn’t some dirty sex game, but I like the sound of that. The laundry game is where I have the best intentions and gather all of the laundry, start the first load and then promptly forget all about it. Jamie will discover the laundry and cycle the rest of the loads through until they’re all done. I don’t do this intentionally but I also don’t jump up to take over when he’s mid-laundry.
- Similar to the US time, I’m going to set aside some ME time to do whatever the fuck I want. This may include getting a pedicure or going to a movie solo. I’d also like to try to connect with my friends at least once a month rather than only communicating with them via phone or email.
- I will stop swearing. HAHHAHAHHAHAH fuck that. You all know I’d never be able to pull that off. I don’t swear around the kids and this is my blog speak how I want. If you’re still around, I’m guessing you’re not that much of a prude.
So that’s my list of resolutions. I’m guessing I can stick to at least half of them for the entire month of January, hopefully longer. Good luck to you guys keeping yours, 2009 is going to be an AWESOME year, I can feel it. Oops, did I just break my first resolution?
Tags: Spin Cycle