Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better

September 9, 2008 9:46 am

Since I grew up with two older brothers, I was a huge tomboy all of my life. When my brothers got BMX bikes for Christmas and I got a pink Schwinn (with a banana seat!), I was disappointed. The next year, I got a BMX bike too and began my childhood career as a BMX racer. I quickly proved myself to the guys, when there were no other girls my age to race, I would race in the boys bracket and kick some ass.  Every once in awhile, I still run into someone who remembers me, “oh man, when we were twelve I had to race you and you totally kicked my ass.” You’re damn right I did. Truthfully, I was never really overly competitive but it felt good to be able to keep up with the big boys.

I have always been more comfortable around guys, there is just less drama. I never felt discrimintated against for being a chick, I was just another one of the guys. Plus, my potty mouth probably earned me some brownie points over the years. I ended up choosing a career in the male dominated tech world and never thought twice about it. Looking back, I guess it did seem strange that the majority of the people in my college classes were guys but it was something I enjoyed and I proved myself by being good at what I did.

When we found out we were having a girl, I was worried. Everyone who knows me liked to tease. “Oh, I’m going to get her all kinds of pink lacey dresses with bows on them!” Ha ha, please don’t or I’ll throw them away. They were teasing me because they know I’m a tomboy and I don’t do pink. Or lace. Or bows. It doesn’t bother me when other people dress their little girls up in frilly things, but it’s just not my forte.

I want my daughter to be strong and independent, not prim and proper. I want her to play in the dirt with her brother and not be afraid of getting her dress dirty. I know she can be both frilly and rugged but I just don’t know what to do with a girly girl. I started to look in the toy aisles and magazines and got infuriated at what I saw. Pink vaccum cleaners, irons and ironing boards. Purple kitchen sets. WHAT THE FUCK? In 2008, we’re still training little girls to grow up and OBEY THEIR MEN? I know, kitchen sets and vaccum cleaners foster imaginitive play but really, pink? That’s not geared a little towards girls? Don’t get me started on Barbie and Bratz dolls. How is it possible for dolls to so closely resemble prostitutes and nobody is offended? Jesus.

In our house, we have mixed gender roles. Jamie does the vacuuming and I mow the lawn. I go on the roof to clean the gutters and he does the cooking. We both do an equal percentage of parenting and that’s what works for us. Although people think I’m strange when I’m riding in the yard on my tractor mower, I don’t care. We don’t believe in assigned gender roles. Jamie does like to tell Graham that vacuuming is “Mommy’s job”, but I’m quick to remind them both that Graham has NEVER seen Mommy vacuum before so Daddy’s smokin’ crack.

Graham has recently developed a liking for the Dust Buster. We let him play with it in the hallway since he cleans up the tumbleweeds of dog hair and kills two birds with one stone. Who am I to stand in the way of a man and his vacuum? When Elliot gets old enough, she can vacuum too. Graham also loves him some Tonka trucks but if he showed any interest in having a doll, that would be fine by me too.

It irks me that there are people to this day who still view the world by gender. I know people like that. I’m related to people like that. While I can’t change those people (believe me, I’ve tried), we’re raising our kids without the bias of thinking there’s a difference in gender roles. Elliot is going to grow up with the opportunity to do whatever she wants. So is Graham. I’m excited for the days when my kids can BOTH clean the pool and the bathrooms and help put away the laundry. You better believe they’re going to earn their keep around here and learn valuable lessons at the same time.

Get to work kid.

This chick is going to be president one day.

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6 Comments

  1. Sprite's Keeper
    on September 9th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
    1

    I think it’s funny when I watch my daughter play in her one year old class at daycare. The boys like the kitchen set more than the girls and the girls are always stealing the boys’ trucks!
    Sprite has a beach buggy she likes to push around before sticking it in her purse and going “bye bye”. Confusing, yes. Odd? Of course. Cute? Um, no, not really.

  2. Miss Jack
    on September 9th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
    2

    I’m glad, when I told my husband that I wanted to get our son a kitchen set, he was fine with it. How could he not…he’s a chef for cryin’ out loud! When my youngest wants to help with the dishes…I’m all for it. And when my oldest wants to help fold laundry, I save him a small pile of kitchen towels. I agree with your point of view. I think it’s wonderful when a family can look beyond the gender roles to get things done around the house. (Besides, right now, I’m the only female in a house full of men!) If we ever have a girl, I’ll be sure she’s out there ‘mowing the lawn.’

  3. Linda
    on September 9th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
    3

    Not to worry….my daughter who is 16 months younger than my son plays “boy” with the best of them, but only in her princess costume. You can try, try, try all you want to keep the pink away, but it’s like keeping boys from playing guns. Sooner or later they chew their PB&J into a gun shape. And sooner or later pink or purple becomes her favorite. Right now I’m watching her play with her brother and two neighbor kids (yes, I’m supervising) and they’re playing knights, but SHE gets to be the one and only princess.

  4. mrsbear
    on September 9th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
    4

    I would totally vote for that baby, she is a doll.

    My toddler loves playing with baby dolls and pushing strollers, but he also likes to swing bats at people which I would say is not gender biased one way or another. I have plenty of days like that - nurture one minute, swing my bat the next.

  5. Katie
    on September 9th, 2008 at 10:06 pm
    5

    We mangaged to make it 4 years with no Barbies, and then we made the mistake of having a birthday party. Every. Gift. Was. A. Barbie.
    Can you send your son to my house with that Dust Buster?
    I voting for Elliot ‘08

  6. Beautiful Like Me: Skin Deep (Repeat) : Half As Good As You - Leaving the working world to raise kids
    on May 20th, 2009 at 12:04 am
    6

    [...] and capable instead. When she’s old enough to understand me, I will. We plan on buying her gender neutral toys and not toys geared solely towards little girls. She WILL NOT own a Bratz Doll. We will encourage [...]

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