October 30, 2008 7:00 am
A few years ago, I started getting migraines. This was before children so I was able to come home from work and lay motionless on the couch all night with an ice pad hoping they would go away. I saw a doctor and had a CAT scan on my head. Apparently I have a brain. I saw an eye doctor (since I worked with computers). My vision is 20/20 but they prescribed glasses anyway with anti-glare lenses and a slight prescription. The headaches persisted. A trip to the dentist showed that I was in need of a root canal. My dentist had gotten drill-crazy and nipped the root when she was filling a routine cavity. The fact that I had been in excruciating pain for weeks without an explanation sucked ass but finally figuring out the root of the problem was great. Get it? Root? C’mon, I’m funny.
I kept my glasses and wore them when I was working on the computer. A few months later I was pregnant with Graham and I swear my eyes changed and the prescription no longer worked. The glasses got shoved in a drawer and forgotten about until recently. A couple of months ago, I started getting headaches again. Not migraines, just bad headaches that make me want to kill. Coincidentally, this started right about the time I started reading all of YOUR blogs and blogging myself. Do you think there’s a connection here? Of course there is, you guys publish new blog posts way too often and my time is spent staring at my laptop screen well into the morning hours and it’s killing my eyes. Thanks a lot.
The other day, I made an appointment at the eye doctor. Actually, I went to the Vision Works who will never receive a ringing endorsement from me. I’ve only ever been to an eye doctor once before and I had forgotten what to expect. The exam started normally enough, the doctor was nice and I thought I was doing well. Then I started sweating. I was really squinting and trying to get the answers right, like it was some kind of a test I had to pass. The doctor was rushing through the lenses, asking me which one was clearer, this one or that one… now that one or the next one. My testing anxiety built up. The exam was short and he asked if he could dialate my pupils. Sure, I told him. A few minutes later, he came back and examined my pupils. All was fine there.
The doctor basically told me I have 20/20 vision and don’t need a prescription. Then he said he was giving me a prescription. What? Uhm, ok. He would use the current prescription and jack it up a bit to make the computer screen more clear in case I was having trouble reading it (which I wasn’t). He sent me out to sign in and talk to the sales associates. I had never been to VW before so I didn’t know about the extremely long wait times. I waited for a good thirty minutes before it was my turn. Once I sat down, they asked me which frames I wanted. Apparently they were playing some cruel joke on me because I was blind as a fucking bat and they wanted me to pick out frames. The woman looked serious (albeit blurry) so I went and picked out a pair. Watching me pick out frames was probably similar to watching Hellen Kellar pick out well, anything. I blindly reached and fumbled around the store until I came up with a pair that seemed ok. I really had no clue.
The good news is that the frames look good. The bad news is that I can’t share a picture of them just yet since my new lenses are on reorder. I put on the new glasses and immediately got vertigo. The prescription is so fucking strong (especially considering I was told I don’t need a prescription at all) that I can’t even wear them at all without immediately getting a headache. I spent an hour waiting for the sales person the other day (since you have to go through them to get to the doctor) just for them to tell me I need to see the doctor. Duh, I asked to see the doctor in the first place. So I made an appointment and went back a few days later to see the doctor and have him tell me he’s surprised they don’t work. Ok. Now fix it. He dialed back the prescription and then made me wait TWENTY FIVE more minutes in the sales line for them to order the new lenses. I should have them next week sometime and hopefully I can put this whole fucking mess (and these excruciating headaches) behind me. I guess eye can’t see clearly since the rain isn’t gone.