The End Of The World As We Know It

September 6, 2008 11:05 am

This week a terrible thing happened. To most people, it wouldn’t be such big deal but to us it’s the equivalent of the world ending. I’m just going to say it and get it over with: Graham learned how to escape from his crib. Full on scale-the-bars-and-take-off escape. He must have been planning this for a long time but we were never wise to his plan before he successfully carried it out.

Graham is a man-child. At twenty months, he’s over three feet tall and thirty-one pounds. When he meets other kids his size, they’re speaking in full sentence since they’re usually at least a year older than him. I’ve met other mothers who repeat his age back to me as if I made a mistake. Yes, he’s only twenty months. Really. I don’t have any concerns with his size, he’s healthy and his height/weight are proportionate. His man-child status only concerns me because he’s too immature to be able to reach and do the things he can.

Graham likes to cruise the house looking for things he’s not supposed to have. When have visitors, we let them know that there is a six inch Graham radius on any of our counter tops. Anything placed inside the forbidden zone will be immediately sought and destroyed. It’s a game to him, he finds something off-limits and then looks at us with that impish grin like “ha, you dumb bastards, I win again!”. The game is exhausting, we are constantly having to rearrange the house and put everything ONE SHELF HIGHER because the damn kid keeps growing. Our garage now looks like a disaster zone from all of the death trap items we’ve had to move out of the house, it’s ridiculous!

The jail-break situation is especially disturbing to us. Graham has been physically capable of escaping for a long time but he didn’t know it. We’ve talked about this day before, we knew it was coming but that doesn’t make it any easier to stomach. I did a little research and apparently it’s illegal to lock him in a dog crate so that’s out. How are we ever going to contain him again?

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  1. mrsbear

    Oh no! Oddly enough I tend to keep my kids in their cribs until they’re at least three. I know it’s weird, but it keeps me from having to worry about them creeping around in the wee hours trying to set shit on fire. (Kids that little are unpredictable.) I don’t know what I’ll do if mine starts to escape. He’s a little flea, though. He’s proportionate too but on the small scale, he’s almost 20 mo. wearing 12 mo. clothes still. But we have the same issue, anything within his reach is subject to be violently thrown, carelessly spilled, possibly swallowed, or tossed in the trash. Good luck with this one. Maybe one of those safety gates at the door to his bedroom will keep him from going to far…you know, as an alternative to the controversial dog crate. 🙂

  2. JuJu

    Have you thought about those wires that they put everywhere to keep birds out?? Maybe they will keep himm in!And drive him crazy wondering wht invisible force field is holding him down… I am pretty sure that my parents stretched fish net over the top of our cribs…. okie rigged for sure!

  3. Miss Jack

    Okay….I’m not really sure if you are looking for advice or not, you know some people just pose a rhetorical question…not really wanting any answers. BUT, if you are serious let me know. We NEVER used a crib. Our boys slept on a floor bed. I know weird, but I believe in most of the Maria Montessori methods in raising the child. If you’re not sure what the hell that is, you can check it out at
    Anyway, let me know.

  4. Summer

    I’m not caught up on what you guys did about this, but I have friends with problem who have used a crib tent. Seems like a good option if you’re not willing to let the little guy wander the house at night.

    I’m pretty terrified of this eventuality myself. Our son is fully capable of escaping (he doesn’t quite know it yet) and just this past week attempted to climb out of his crib while we were watching. I don’t know if we’ll resort to the tent when it happens, but a toddler on the loose sounds like a recipe for disaster.

    Summers last blog post..happy thoughts

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