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Random Tuesday Thoughts - Pissed Off Version

January 6, 2009 6:00 am | 31 Comments

In an effort to rant and not force any coherent thoughts, I’m joining Keely’s Random Tuesday Thoughts today.  Here goes:

I hate the term “Aha Moment”. When people say that, I want to punch them in the fucking throat. And then say “aha!” That moment wasn’t so pleasant, was it? Fuck you, Oprah.

Ditto with “think outside the box”. Why the hell are you in a box? Why would you want to think outside of it? They used this term so much in my college business classes and then again at my first corporate job. That and other motivational shit that just piss me off.

Keely is pretty damn cool. I’ve never known a Canadian in real life so it’s exciting to correspond with her and her weird way of spelling.

If my kid’s Elmo doll asks to be helped up one more time, it’s going to find itself in either the microwave or the bottom of the pool. Stand on your own damn feet, Elmo. The term “lean on me” does not apply in this house.

I need a shower. I have sweat in my asscrack. That’s not good.

I’ve been pissed off at my blog lately. I think it’s due to sleep deprivation but I haven’t even felt like writing a damn thing. Hence the Random Tuesday Thoughts. I can be angry AND get a blog post done. Brilliant!

My children are plotting against me. I’m not kidding.

For the past three weeks, Jamie and I have had a song from Barney stuck in our heads. Whenever one person gets it out of their head, the other person will sing it out loud. “If all the snowflakes, were candy corn and cupcakes, oh what a snow that would beeeeeeeeeeeee. Standing outside with your mouth open wide. Ah ah ah ah ah ah aha ah ah ah.”

The other day, I almost swerved my car off the road when I turned a corner and my fast food bag tipped over and spilled the French fries in between the seats. I would total my car to save some fries.

We produce a lot of garbage in our house. How does one make less shit to throw away, that’s what I want to know? One of my neighbors (neighbours) puts his trash out DAYS in advance and it sits on the curb all week. He put out his Xmas tree on Sunday and it won’t get picked up until the following Saturday. WTF? Speaking of which, our asshole garbage men come at 5:45AM and compact their truck in front of our house. Guess whose kids don’t sleep through that shit?

How is it that my daughter’s fat little thighs are the most adorable thing ever and mine are just grotesque? That’s not fair.

Head on over to Keely’s place for more random (and probably less angry) thoughts.

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Club Half As Small As You: Week 11

January 5, 2009 7:00 am | 24 Comments

Welcome to week 11 of the HASAY challenge! Not sure what HASAY is? Read all about it here. It’s not too late to join so if you’re looking for some online motivation and ridicule, here’s the place to start. I’m pretty sure a lot of us are starting over this week with the New Year so things should get interesting around here!

Today’s guest poster is Jen from Coconut Belly. When she sent me her guest post, I emailed her back to let her know she was classing the place up a bit. NEVER before has a poem been published on HAGAY, this is a first. I love poetry, I just can’t write it. Thanks Jen for filling the void!

Stay tuned for the list of HASAY contestants at the bottom of the page.

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wow!  a guest post from someone that has updated their own hasay progress in weeks!
how exciting!  for the record … casey asked me if i was back on the wagon with her this week … and then she took off … i was running to catch up … but happened to see an open box of christmas candy … and got sidetracked.

but this week … she’s actually letting me guest post!  so i guess that means i’m officially on the wagon again.

oh yeah.  and i should mention … at my site … i write without purpose or thought (most of the time).  here?  i froze like a shy high school student in front of her public speaking class, with her unwavering love of her life sitting in the back seat.

in other words, i could NOT think of ANYTHING!

until i remembered a poetry class where i was assigned a poem to compile.  and had no idea what to write.  (notice a theme here?  assignments are my downfall …) this is what i could remember … with a wee bit of tweaking here and there.  (i mean, this isn’t a high school poetry class … right?)

hasay guest post poem …

there is a guest post due on monday …
and i don’t know what to write.
today is sunday …
so i’ve only got tonight!

i’ve searched and searched
from my toes to my brain …
to find a topic
that i can explain!

i could talk about
triglycerides, trans-fats and such …
but to get a whole post?
that would just be too much!

i decided to ask around …
see what i could find.
ask a couple of people
if they could help me sort things out in my mind.

so i went to my best friend …
a dietician, no less!
but amongst pizza and beer(s), i forgot!
wouldn’t you guess…

my husband was sitting there …
next in the line.
but he didn’t understand why i’d be blogging …
somewhere other than mine.

my mom, my sister,
the guy down the street.
i asked EVERYONE
that i happened to meet.

finally mr. google …
i thought he would come through.
but all he gave me
was a list or two (hundred).

including the top three ways
to stop being fat …
drink more water, eat less, and exercise …
imagine that …

and so here this brings us
nearing the end …
to all of you,
strangers and friends…

i’m sorry that i wrote a post
about not knowing what to do …
and following this (pathetic excuse for a guest post) …
you’ll find hasay updates that are new!

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Recent additions:
New Tuesday!! Amy from Amy’s Annotations. Tuesday update here!
New Today!!! Michelle from Michelle’s Blog. Monday update here!
New Today!!! Tina from Teeny Thoughts with her Monday update here.
Kirsty at My Life For The World To See.Sunday update here.
Sandie from Sandie Simply Says Monday update here.
Cyndi from The Adventures of HarryJack Monday update here.
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Lisette at My Life As A SAHM Monday update here.
Leslie at Captain Crazy
Christy from Heavy On The Caffeine Monday update here!
Kimberly (Sheilamaiden) is from Your Basic Dare To Be Great Situation
Keely from The Un-MOM Sunday update here.
Lisa from Boondock Ramblings Sunday update here!
Kristy at Mommy in Pink
Ali over at Aloicious: Life in the SLC
Jen at Coconut Belly Guest poster this week and Monday update here.
Kat at Mother Fonker
Heidi at The World According To Heidi
Kiki from Kiki’s Corner
Lindsay at Rock and Roll Mama
Laufa from Morgan Madness Monday update here.
DeeMarie from My Life In A Nutshell
Carrie from Colepack
Cellobella from Redsultana
Jenboglass from Steenky Bee Monday update here.
Jen from Sprite’s Keeper Monday update here.
Heather from Geez Louize!!! Monday update here.
Mrs Bear from Outnumbered Two To One Sunday update here.
Debbie from Buzzin By … With Thoughts On The Fly Tuesday update here.
Beth from Drastic Measures Monday update here!
Elisa from Fairy Flutters
Brenda from Seriously Mama
Cape Cod Gal from Diamond in the Rough

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Happy New Year!

January 1, 2009 12:01 am | 39 Comments

2008 ended with some new friends and some big smiles. Here’s to more of both in 2009.

Happy New Year!

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Exactly What Kind of Message Are They Trying to Send?

December 31, 2008 7:00 am | 30 Comments

A few months back, my parents took BOTH kids for their first overnight stay at their house. They have each separately stayed over before but this time my mom demanded both children. Fine by me, I happily packed their stuff, typed out their schedules and sent them on their merry way. Jamie and I enjoyed the evening by going out to dinner and to the grocery store before crashing in front of the TV at an ungodly early hour.

The next morning, we decided to make the most of it and go out to breakfast. This never happens so we made it a point to throw on some clothes and drag ourselves out of the house. We chose a dumpy chain restaurant since it was close and we were really only leaving the house to make a point. The food was acceptable and as we were walking out, I noticed a crane machine. You know, something like this:

For some uncanny reason, I’ve always had a knack for these stupid games so I asked Jamie for a dollar to play. Sure enough, I won something on my first try. It was a Pebbles Flintstone doll:

I brought Pebbles home to add to the collection of useless stuff animals that my children have already acquired in their short lives. I really didn’t give her another thought until a few days later when we were playing in Graham’s room and I took a good look at her wardrobe. It’s obviously cold wherever she came from (Bedrock the Toy Crane) since she’s wearing a scarf, mittens and earmuffs. Why the hell is Pebbles otherwise dressed like a little whore? She’s wearing underwear, a skimpy, midriff-showing tank top and no shoes. Why even bother with the mittens if she was going to forego the shoes?

Looking back, Pebbles has always been scantily clad, even when she was a baby:

I can’t totally blame Pebbles for her wardrobe choices.  Obviously Fred and Wilma decided that they wanted to raise a stripper in training. With the name Pebbles, she doesn’t really stand a chance. I’m actually surprised that she didn’t emerge from the crane fastened to one of these babies:

That’s a stripper pole in case you were born in the 1700’s and have never heard of them. So  now I’m faced with a conundrum. Do I let my daughter play with Pebbles and think it’s ok to dress like that? I will obviously never buy her a Bratz doll or any other doll whose “look” I deem inappropriate so why should I let her play with Pebbles “Prostitot” Flintstone? Obviously I see the humor in the situation and for now, Pebbles is still taking up residence in my kid’s room but I’m thinking her days are numbered. Hopefully she’ll find herself a Sugar Daddy so I don’t have to throw her out on the street.

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Spin Cycle: New Year’s Resolutions

December 30, 2008 7:00 am | 57 Comments

Everyone has them, the resolutions that you promise to work on starting first thing next year. For me, it’s a ticket to eat/do what I want for a few more months while the days inch near and I have to finally behave again. It seems fitting that this week’s Spin Cycle topic was resolutions. I can’t wait to hear what other tall tales people spin!
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With such a laundry list of resolutions ahead of me, I figured it best to list them out. Hopefully putting them all in print will force me to get off of my fat, lazy ass and follow through. You all are here to hold me accountable. Great. Read em and weep.

  • I will stop using the word “awesome” in daily life and every blog comment I leave. I realize that if I’m bothering to leave you a comment, then chances are you are in fact “awesome” but I’d like to stop living in my Point Break days and graduate to 2009 with civilized adult jargon. How awesome would that be? From here on out, only Barney Stinson may use the word awesome and get away with it.
  • I will stop competing to leave the “first” comment on all of your blogs. If I do happen to show up first and leave the first comment, I will possess the maturity level of someone over well, five, and refrain from saying “First”. I have to admit that I usually only play that game to piss the rest of you off when I beat you. Sorry.
  • I will also stop leaving several comments such as “First”, “Second”, “Third”, “Fourth” and “Fifth”. If I had intended to leave the first comment and then some asshole (possibly you) squeaked in front of me, I won’t get pissed and leave an extra comment cursing your name.
  • I will stop drinking soda. Not  just switch from regular to ass juice (diet), I will stop altogether. This one is going to be the hardest resolutions to keep because I love me some McDonalds Coke and make daily trips to get it. I’ll be replacing the soda with water and 10,000 trips to pee since water makes me go every two seconds. This ought to be fun with two kids in tow.
  • I will stop procrastinating about exercise and actually get off of my ass and make HASAY proud. I will stick to my guns and do it. The blogs and TV can wait twenty minutes while I do my 30 Day Shred video, no matter how much I convince myself they can’t. See earlier resolution about being the first to comment on new posts.
  • I will try to be a more patient and fun parent. These past several months of having sick and grumpy kids have done a number on me and I’ve noticed that my patience isn’t what it once was. I’m going to really work on that. My kids are only going to be young for so long and we need to have more fun with them.
  • I will stop eating SHIT FOOD for breakfast every day. Somehow I offered Graham a McDonalds breakfast burrito post-tonsillectomy and it was one of the first foods he actually ate. He gobbled the entire thing up and ever since, we’ve been making daily trips to McDonalds to ensure the kid eats something. Of course, we wouldn’t want to waste all of that gas driving to McD’s and not get something for the rest of the family so I’ve been dining on McGriddles every morning. Shame shame. It ends now.
  • I will attempt to cook instead of looking for the easy, fast, microwavable way out. I will attempt to plan meals ahead of time and maybe I’ll learn a thing or two from this wise lady. I’m amazed at the organization and planning that goes into her shopping trips and I want to be like her.
  • I will try to keep a clean house. Every night post-dinner, post-bedtime, I plop down at the computer (instead of exercising or cleaning). I’ll try to allot some of that time to cleaning the house so I don’t feel like we live in a pig sty. My target area will be cleaning off the dumping ground/counter that is perpetually covered with shit. Not shit shit, random junk that should be put away in its proper place. Also, having a clean house can do wonders on my state of mind so there’s that.
  • I will spend more time with Jamie. Kids take up most of our time and there’s rarely any left for US time. I’m going to somehow make it happen, even if it’s just going out for dessert post-bed time (we’d get a sitter, duh). We need us time to stay connected and happy and it’ll trickle down on the kids when we are happy. I’ll also try to stop taking out my frustrations on him for no apparent reason. Since I can’t yell at the kids (too loudly), Jamie gets to hear all about it when I’m upset/frustrated. I’ll cut the dude some slack since he’s pretty much the perfect husband/father.
  • I will stop playing the “laundry game” with Jamie. No, this isn’t some dirty sex game, but I like the sound of that. The laundry game is where I have the best intentions and gather all of the laundry, start the first load and then promptly forget all about it. Jamie will discover the laundry and cycle the rest of the loads through until they’re all done. I don’t do this intentionally but I also don’t jump up to take over when he’s mid-laundry.
  • Similar to the US time, I’m going to set aside some ME time to do whatever the fuck I want. This may include getting a pedicure or going to a movie solo. I’d also like to try to connect with my friends at least once a month rather than only communicating with them via phone or email.
  • I will stop swearing. HAHHAHAHHAHAH fuck that. You all know I’d never be able to pull that off. I don’t swear around the kids and this is my blog speak how I want. If you’re still around, I’m guessing you’re not that much of a prude.

So that’s my list of resolutions. I’m guessing I can stick to at least half of them for the entire month of January, hopefully longer. Good luck to you guys keeping yours, 2009 is going to be an AWESOME year, I can feel it. Oops, did I just break my first resolution?

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Club Half As Small As You: Week 10

December 29, 2008 7:00 am | 16 Comments

Welcome to week ten of Club HASAY! With the impending new year, I think everyone is getting geared up to get back on the wagon. I know I am, I fell off the wagon BIG TIME and got run over by it a few times in the process.

Today’s guest poster is Brenda from Serioiusly Mama . Brenda laid it down old school for us today which had me bowing down to her pure genius when I read her post. She even went as far as offering up some incentive for our HASAY efforts. It’s too bad I’m going to win and put you guys to shame. I’ve got to set the bar high, no? Thanks Brenda, you ROCK!
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Do Do Do Da Da Do Do.  Do Do Do Do  Da Da Do Do…

Yo HASAY, let’s kick it…

HASAY,HAYSAY baby.  Oh yeah.  HASAY,HASAY baby.  Oh yeah.

All right. Stop. Let’s regroup and listen.  Seriously’s back with a brand new resolution.  Chocolate’s had a hold of me tightly.  Flowin’ like a fountain, daily and nightly.  Gotta make it stop.  Throwin’ out the fries and I’ll be good to go.  To the extreme we’ve rocked the excuses like some scandal.  Lightened up the blogs and waxed the workouts like a chump with a sundae.  Better start exercising to the speaker that booms.  Otherwise we’re killin’ our motivation like a mushroom and swiss burger.  Deadly when it plays that yummy smellody but anything more than a salad can be a felony.  Love it or leave it but you’d better not gain weight.  We’ve gotta hit the weights otherwise us kids can’t play.  If there is a problem, yo we’ll solve it.  Check out HASAY while Casey revolves it.

HASAY, HASAY baby.  HASAY, HASAY baby.  It’s cool.  It’s cool.  HASAY, HASAY baby.  It’s so cool.

Now that the holidays are over, let’s get our asses in gear and blood a pumpin’.  Quick to our goal, to our goals no faking.  No more cookin’ breakfast with a pound of bacon.  We’ll burn you if you ain’t quick and nimble.  Let’s go crazy when we hear those cymbals.  And motivate more with a souped up tempo.  I’m on a roll and it’s time to get going.  Who’s rollin’ wit me?  With my hair tied back so I can sweat even more.  The girlies on stand by, waiting just to high five.  Did you comment and say hi?  No, just go.  Go back and say “you go.”  Keep on pursuing to our next goal.  I busted away and now I’m headin’ to the next blog.  Left that blog a kick in the ass and continued on to www dot.  Us girls are hot, finally wearing our bikinis.  Rockin’ HASAY wearin’ new jeans.

HASAY, HASAY baby.  You go, you go.  HASAY, HASAY baby.  You go.

Take heed ’cause I’m a lyrical genius.  Casey’s on the scene just in case you didn’t know it.  Her blog that created all the hub bub.  Enough to shake us up and kick us in gear.  Her style’s like a chemical spill.  It’s a helluva concept. Check out the hook while our leader resolves it.

HASAY HASAY baby.  It’s cool.  It’s cool.  HASAY HASAY baby.  It’s so cool.

Okay kids, no more excuses.  Put down the cookies.  Throw away the pies, the gravy, the stuffing and the candy.  Out with the excuses and in with the renewed motivation.  Most of us have been slackers and I’m not afraid to say it.  HASAY is back with a vengeance and I am starting the revolution.  I am personally putting up a $20.00 gift card to iTunes for the first person to loose the next 10 pounds.  So here’s some motivation for your Monday updates.  Keep HASAY informed with your weight loss and the first person who gets down 10 pounds gets the iTunes card from me.

Time to get off the couch and get going people.  Word to your motha.

Brenda-SeriouslyMama

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NEW THIS WEEK!! Sandie from Sandie Simply Says with her Wednesday update here.
Cyndi from The Adventures of HarryJack Monday Update HERE
Lisette at My Life As A SAHM Monday update here.
Debbie from Buzzin By … With Thoughts On The Fly MONDAY UPDATE here.
Jen from Sprite’s Keeper MONDAY UPDATE here.
Leslie at Captain Crazy Monday update here.
Christy from Heavy On The Caffeine Monday update here.
Kimberly (Sheilamaiden) is from Your Basic Dare To Be Great Situation Monday Update here.
Keely from The Un-MOM SUNDAY UPDATE HERE
Lisa from Boondock Ramblings MONDAY UPDATE here.
Kat at Mother Fonker 12/21 Update HERE
Laufa from Morgan Madness Sunday update HERE
DeeMarie from My Life In A Nutshell
Carrie from Colepack Monday update here.
Cellobella from Redsultana
Jenboglass from Steenky Bee
Heather from Geez Louize!!! Monday Update HERE.
Mrs Bear from Outnumbered Two To One Monday update here!
Beth from Drastic Measures
Elisa from Fairy Flutters MONDAY UPDATE here.
Brenda from Seriously Mama Guest Poster This Week!
Cape Cod Gal from Diamond in the Rough
Kristy at Mommy in Pink Tuesday update here.
Ali over at Aloicious: Life in the SLC Tuesday update HERE.
Jen at Coconut Belly
Heidi at The World According To Heidi Thursday Update here.
Kiki from Kiki’s Corner 12/20 Update here.
Lindsay at Rock and Roll Mama

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Spin Cycle: Secret Santa (A Little Late)

December 26, 2008 7:00 am | 17 Comments

For those of you who celebrate Christmas (or Hanukkah or Kwanza), do you remember getting those unexpected late gifts and getting so excited for just ONE MORE PRESENT? You know what I’m talking about, the package that arrives from Aunt Shirley a week after Xmas or the gift your mom forgot to wrap since it was hidden so deep in her closet to avoid you finding it when you snooped. Yes, I was the ultimate snooper and my parents had to be clever when they hid my Xmas presents. Well, this week’s Spin Cycle was to do a Secret Santa post about one of your favorite blogs, and I’m pulling mine out of the closet a day late. Surprise!
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My Secret Santa recipient is someone who I’ve grown very close to over the past few months. Being that I’ve never actually spoken to her in real life, that sounds sort of creepy but it’s true. Mrs Bear (who will be known as The Bear for the remainder of this post) from Outnumbered Two To One has quickly become my Bloggy BFF. This week’s spin forced me to delve through The Bear’s archives and catch up on her old posts and it was like finding lost episodes of my favorite TV show. I was a little worried that The Bear would see me poking around in her archives and finally get that restraining order notarized but hopefully she was too distracted with the holidays to notice.

The Bear and I have a strange way of communicating. Every night around 11PM, we start our nightly ritual of exchanging email threads. We have several hanging around from comment reply emails that turned into conversations that just can’t die. So we keep a thread open for each topic of conversation and we’ve had up to ten threads going at any one time. It’s a running joke between us and it’s something to look forward to at the end of a stressful day. It’s also sort of like a staring contest, the first one to kill a thread might as well have blinked and lost the game.

Now that I’ve described our very strange relationship, let me tell you WHY I like The Bear so much. She’s just my kind of people. She’s sarcastic, not afraid to make fun of herself (or her kids) and is just an all around great person. Even though she has double the amount of kids that I do, we have so much in common on the parenting front. She held my virtual hand throughout all of Graham’s ear infections and let me bitch and moan way too much. Here are just a few of The Bear’s posts that I could have written myself:

She paranoid like I am.

She would just about murder for nap time.

She shares my same brand of social awkwardness.

BOGO makes her giddy. BOGOBOGOBOGOBOGO. Every time I hear that word, it gets stuck in my head and I go around saying BOGOBOGOBOGO a million times until Jamie yells at me to stop. BOGO. I just can’t.

She has been covered in more baby shit and puke than I have. Thankfully, this has never happened to me. Yet.

Her Tasmanian Toddler has an energy level that rivals Graham’s. That’s not an easy task. We think they’re secretly communicating and sharing tips on how to drive their parents insane. That reminds me, I need to change all of my passwords to something the kid can’t figure out. He’s onto me.

Those were just a few of The Bear’s greatest hits. I could seriously list ALL of her shit on here and tell you that it’s why I like her but you should really go check her out for yourself. If you’re reading my blog because you like my sense of humor, then you’ll like hers even more. Plus, she knows big words and actually uses them in the right context.

Lastly (I feel like I’m writing a term paper here), The Bear and I have recently communicated using SNAIL MAIL! That’s right, I actually know The Bear’s true identity and address and have SEEN HER PHYSICAL HANDWRITING (which was nice, btw!). I’m not telling you what her real name is or where she lives since I claim her all to myself to stalk as I please but I urge you to click on over and check her out. You might just get an email thread out of it. What are you still doing here? Go!

Bear, are you still reading this? If so, I present you with this Not-So-Secret Santa (slightly stalkerish) gift and hope that you like it:

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Happy Holidays!

December 25, 2008 6:00 am | 12 Comments

With recovery still in progress, we haven’t done too much in the way of Xmas festivities. Graham and Jamie have spent plenty of time vegging on the couch watching the Yule Log burn on Video On Demand. What? We live in Florida! Sure, we have a fireplace but it’s still HOT here most days and we rarely get a chance to use it.

Last year, we attempted to get a nice picture of Graham in front of the tree. Unfortunately, we waited until our tree had already turned brown and half the ornaments had been pulled off.  What we got was a picture of a redneck Christmas, complete with the beer belly and smirk. That’s the HASAY mascot belly right there!

We ended up sending out a more polished look for the Xmas card that year.

And let’s not forget Graham’s first Xmas in 2005. He slept right through the entire thing!

Happy holidays everyone!

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Who You Callin A Ho?

December 24, 2008 5:00 am | 25 Comments

Several years ago, some friends and I planned a December trip to NYC. It was my first “big” trip out of college, and my first trip to NYC without my parents. We were all so excited. Shortly before the trip, my friends began dating and I was suddenly the awkward third wheel. Normally it wouldn’t have been such a huge deal, but I had already paid for my nonrefundable airfare and the hotel was prepaid on my credit card. I decided to go anyway and try to make the best of the trip.

When we arrived in NYC, it became apparent that the trip was a mistake. We checked into our hotel (where we were sharing a room) and went over our plans for the weekend. Every idea I suggested was quickly vetoed, they had their itinerary all mapped out in their heads and weren’t open to my ideas. Rather than spend the trip being resentful that I had no input, I made the choice to kick back and do my own thing.

Being alone in a big city for the first time was a bit daunting. I was excited and scared but determined to show myself a good time.  I called my cousin from CT and she and her boyfriend made plans to take the train into the city and hang out for the night. When they arrived, we had dinner at a great Irish place in Times Square called Connolly’s. We bought tickets to see Black 47 play later that night and went to explore the city.

My cousin’s boyfriend was a big drinker so I was doing my best to keep up with him. We bar hopped through a few places and were feeling pretty good. One great thing about NYC is that you can always find a way home without needing a designated driver. We headed over to Rockefeller Center to see the tree since I’d never seen it before. It was huge and beautiful and also very touristy. We fought our way through the crowd to get a closer look as my claustrophobia set in.

Walking through the crowd, I saw a man out of the corner of my eye. “Ho ho ho!” he screamed. I laughed at the pedophile-looking Santa standing in the middle of the madness. I turned to my drunk cousin and said “that dude just called me a ho!”. Of course, I was completely joking but my cousin didn’t see the source of the name-calling and got pissed. She whipped around and started yelling “who called you a ho? Who the F called you a ho? Where is he?” Then I pointed out this dude:

And we all had a good laugh over it. I guess if you wear a red suit and fake beard, you get a license to call people a ho anytime you want. I’ll have to remember that. We went to the Black 47 show and had a great (drunken) time. My cousin and her boyfriend caught the train back to CT and I spent the rest of the night wandering the city alone. (If my mother ever read this, she would be appalled at the thought of me walking around NYC alone but I assure you, I stayed in the well-lit areas).

The rest of the trip was great, I ended up going to a sports bar and befriending a table full of drunken Bucs fans to watch the game that Sunday. Then I caught the train out of the city and had my cousin pick me up to go to dinner at my Aunt and Uncle’s house. It really turned into a fun trip, especially since it started out so crappy. I’m old and married now and I’ll probably never take another solo trip like that again but I’m glad I did. Even if some random dude DID call me a ho in the middle of a crowd.

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One of the highlights of the trip was me on my first subway ride:


As a FL girl, I was SO STOKED to get to wear a hat and gloves. That rarely happens here.

A couple of years later, I spent New Year’s Eve in the city with Jamie and we had a blast.

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The Bus Stops Here

December 23, 2008 7:00 am | 20 Comments

It looks like my bitching about sickkidness may finally be coming to an end. Graham had a spectacular day yesterday, he ate and drank in small quantities which is a major improvement from recent days. I’ve never been so happy to see someone take a swig from a juice box.  I had tears of joy in my eyes and started squealing and clapping, I’m that lame.

Today marks our final guest post. I hope you’ve enjoyed my hilarious cast of fill-ins as much as I have, they really held down the bloggy fort while I was away. Thanks for hooking a sister up you guys!

Your final source of hilarity is HeatherPride from Riding the Short Bus. Heather and I crossed paths shortly after I started blogging and I’m so lucky we did. She is such a kind and generous person and always has something positive to say. If you’ve ever been by her place, you also know what a great storyteller she is and have probably been brought to tears from laughing too hard. Thanks for bringing up the tail end, Heather. I saved one of the bests for last!

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Surprise!! It’s HeatherPride from The Short Bus here to entertain you while Casey takes the day off. One of the first Casey posts I ever read was about her changing her daughter’s diaper and getting baby poop in her eye [Casey - you should link to yourself there. That was classic, I wouldn't mind reading it again myself! *Heather, don't mind if I do!] and I’ve been hooked ever since. That story ranks in my 10 ten favorite blog posts of all time.

Casey didn’t leave me any rules to play by while she was out, so I’ve been pondering how I’m going to keep you guys entertained in her absence. I decided that since it’s the Holiday Season, a holiday post would be appropriate enough, so…

Every year The Radio City Rockettes put on a showstopper called The Christmas Spectacular. My mother had been dying to see this show since she was a little girl. In fact, when she was growing up she was so Rockettes crazy that she would go outside and practice her high kicking, prancing, marching, and saluting drills over and over until she barely stand up. It was her living dream to become part of that legendary Parade of the Wooden Soldiers routine. She perfected her kicks, her twirls, her head flips until they were Rockette worthy - and then the saddest thing happened. She stopped growing just one inch shy of the 5′7″ height requirement.

Although she went on to become a champion baton twirler, even her talent for simultaneously twirling two batons lit on fire could not win her the fame and glory that she dreamed of. Sadly, she eventually hung up her majorette boots and cape and slipped into the black hole of baton twirling oblivion.

While I’m sure that settling down and having me eventually made up for some of the loss, Mom never quite let go of her dream. So a couple of years ago when The Rockettes came through St. Louis to perform The Christmas Spectacular, I could not let the opportunity pass. I snatched up two third row tickets to stuff in her Christmas stocking.

When my mom opened that envelope and saw those tickets, she was even more excited than I could have hoped. Her eyes danced as she rattled off all the routines they would perform. She circled the day on the calendar and told everyone she ran into that she was going to be in the audience the day The Rockettes came to town!

It was in the middle of a family dinner with my aunt and uncle one night that she started in on the show. “…and we’re going to see the wooden soldiers dance and the doll dance and the city bus dance and we’re going to be SO CLOSE WE’LL PROBABLY EVEN BE ABLE TO SEE THE HAIR ON THE CAMEL!” she finished excitedly.

My dad choked on his water. There was silence and stunned staring at my mother while she happily inserted a forkful of mashed potatoes into her mouth and chewed blissfully.

“Well,” said my aunt, “I….don’t think I’ve ever heard it put quite like THAT before!”

“What?” Mom asked, surfacing from her Rockettes daydream.

“I don’t get it,” said my uncle, “…are you talking about all the…kicking?”

“HUH?” said Mom. “What are you talking about?” Then the lightbulb went off. “You thought I meant…. oh my goodness….I can’t believe you thought…..you do realize that they end the show with a live Nativity scene!!”

You know, it just goes to show you that any time you can get close enough to see the hair on the camel, it’s going to be a very good night, indeed.

Happy Holidays, Casey fans!

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