Half As Good As You - Leaving the working world to raise kids

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<div id="content"> <div id="contentmiddle"> Looking for Artificial Dye Free Products? <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?page_id=5867">Click here</a><br> Looking for HASAY? <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?page_id=1934">Click here</a><br> <br> <div class="contenttitle"> <h1><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6190" rel="bookmark">Random Thursday Thoughts - The Madness That Is BlogHer</a></h1> <p>August 12, 2010 3:54 pm | <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6190#comments" title="Comment on Random Thursday Thoughts - The Madness That Is BlogHer">27 Comments</a> </p> </div> <p style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/randomtuesday.jpg"><img class="size-medium-image-4999 aligncenter" title="randomtuesday" src="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/randomtuesday.jpg" alt="" width="200" height="79" /></a></p> <p>I’m not going to go on and on about BlogHer after this post. Not that we didn’t have a blast but in the previous years when I wasn’t there, I remember getting sick of hearing people whine on about what to wear and OMGAAAAAAAAAWD how much fun it was and blah blah blah. *Sniff*</p> <p>So my roommie <a href="http://outnumberedtwotoone.wordpress.com/" target="blank">Mrs Bear</a> and I got there on Thursday afternoon and quickly met up with <a href="http://bloggingmama-andrea.blogspot.com/" target="blank">Andrea</a>, <a href="http://oscarelli.blogspot.com/" target="blank">Jenni </a>and <a href="http://www.suburbanmatron.com/" target="blank">Becky</a>. <a href="http://www.theunmom.com/" target="blank">Keely </a>joined us later and we set out to find some grub. We ended up piling down a dark stairway into a big black abyss which turned out to be some cool, underground restaurant/drinking establishment with bull riding in the middle of the place. Of course, we were all too chicken shit (and not nearly G-Stringy enough) to ride but we enjoyed watching the local talent strut their stuff.</p> <p style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/dscn2301.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-6206 aligncenter" title="dscn2301" src="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/dscn2301-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" /></a></p> <p style="text-align: center;">Andrea, Jenni, Keely, Becky, Mrs Bear and Small Town Mommy (<a href="www.secondblooming.typepad.com" target="blank">Gretchen </a>and I are missing from the shot)</p> <p>The first night, I was sure I wouldn’t be able to sleep away from my bed, body pillow and in a room with someone I’ve never bunked with before. To make matters worse, the air conditioner was on the wall right next to my bed and my entire bed vibrated when it was running. I was all “what the fuck, I will never be able to sleep with this ZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.” It lulled me to sleep like a newborn I haven’t slept better in months. *Note to baby swing manufacturers, make an adult version ASAP.</p> <p>I went gluten/casein free this week so I went to NYC determined to eat every fucking bagel in the city. That coupled with my vacation poop freeze caused me to gain eight pounds on my trip. The poop dam didn’t open up until the last day of the trip and it took four days for all eight pounds to be freed.</p> <p>A bunch of us went to MOMA on Saturday and had a nice time. I have to say though, my toddlers can produce better art then some of the shit there, I know it’s blasphemy but it’s true. We did the audio tour so it was entertaining to hear some of the crap they made up about what the artists were thinking when they produced their work.</p> <p style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/durrrr.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-6210 aligncenter" title="durrrr" src="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/durrrr-225x300.jpg" alt="" width="225" height="300" /></a></p> <p style="text-align: center;">Durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I like art!</p> <p>The swag booths were madness. At first, I was anti swag because really, why would a bunch of women start acting like total bitches and pushing each other just to get some free shit? Then I started making the rounds and was an instant addict. We had to unload in our rooms several times since the bags of crap were heavy. I even won a gift bag from Auto Trader which contained a heavy-assed tool kit that would have cost a pretty penny to ship home so I gifted it to our housekeeper. I also gave her some autographed books, Metamucil and a travel pillow. Because I’m nice like that. Even after dumping a bunch of stuff, I still had to ship a huge box of swag home since it was too much to bring on the plane.</p> <p>I’ve recently come to terms with the fact that most people just don’t get me. Like when I walked up to the tampon/vaginal cream swag booth and said “oh hey, I have a vagina!” and had about five people turn around and look at me like I have a second head. I do.</p> <p>We followed some people up to the Eden Fantasys party where there was an entire craft table dedicated to decorating dildos and making condom earrings and broaches. I put on a “I Love An@l” pin from the party and later forgot to take it off for the subway and a cab ride.</p> <p style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/dscn2368.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-6204 aligncenter" title="dscn2368" src="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/dscn2368-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" /></a></p> <p style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/dscn2350.jpg"><br /> </a></p> <p>On the second night, Mrs Bear, Andrea, <a href="http://www.smalltownmommy.com/" target="blank">Small Town Mommy</a> and I went to a cool Irish Pub called <a href="http://www.connollyspubandrestaurant.com/dev/">Connolly’s</a>. I’ve been there a few times before and always love to stop in there when I’m in NYC. The waiters have awesome Irish accents that get cooler with every subsequent drink.</p> <p style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/dscn2319.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-6205 aligncenter" title="dscn2319" src="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/dscn2319-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" /></a></p> <p>The actual conference part was… meh. Not that it wasn’t great (I don’t know since I skipped a lot of it), but I don’t blog to make money, make a huge statement or become the next breakout super blogger. I only sat in one one of the sessions (The Autism Panel, Hi <a href="http://www.stimeyland.com/" target="blank">Stimey</a>!) and it was pretty awesome. I skipped the rest and chose to do other stuff (like nap) during that time.</p> <p>The parties reminded me of my 8th grade dance. I feel like I’m too old to get wasted and dance to Hammer Time but there were plenty of <a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=woo-girl" target="blank">woo girls</a> there who were really into it. And they looked like they were having a blast so more power to them. Dances have just never been my thing.</p> <p>Some poor couple got married at the Hilton while the convention was going on. I’m sure getting hitched in a hotel full of drunken, loud mouthed women wasn’t what they signed up for but hopefully their interaction with the BlogHer women was minimal.</p> <p>At one point, we were walking through Times Square when The Bear wanted a picture of some homeless dude. The guy was a little freaky looking and she wasn’t sure about snapping the picture so I grabbed the camera and headed in. Well, the dude got PISSED and started screaming at me to give him money (to take his picture? no thanks). I snapped the picture and scooted away as he screamed “WOMAN, MONEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! MONEY, WOMAN!!!”. Everyone thought that might be the end of me but I could have totally taken that dude.</p> <p style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/img_0485.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-6202 aligncenter" title="img_0485" src="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/img_0485-300x225.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="225" /></a></p> <p>In summation, I had a great time but I doubt I would do it again. I feel like a bitch saying this but there were a lot of cliquey women there. Like somehow I was reliving a scene from high school that I didn’t care for the first time around. You’re a fucking blogger, get over yourself. We all are and we went to NYC to hang with our friends and in hopes of meeting some new friends. I just didn’t get that aspect of the whole weekend but whatever. There were plenty of cool chicks there too so it wasn’t all bad.</p> <div style="clear:both;"></div> <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6190#comments" title="Comment on Random Thursday Thoughts - The Madness That Is BlogHer">27 Comments</a> | <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6190" rel="bookmark">Permalink</a> <p>Tags: <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?tag=blogher" rel="tag">BlogHer</a>, <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?tag=random-tuesday-thoughts" rel="tag">Random Tuesday Thoughts</a></p><br/><br/><br/><br/>  <div class="contenttitle"> <h1><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6178" rel="bookmark">Teach Them Well And Let Them Lead The Way</a></h1> <p>July 29, 2010 3:23 pm | <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6178#comments" title="Comment on Teach Them Well And Let Them Lead The Way">22 Comments</a> </p> </div> <p>Tampa is the city I have called home for the past seven years. We have a great house on the end of a quiet cul-de-sac. The yard is huge and the pool is beautiful, we have remodeled and landscaped and made the place gorgeous to the tune of a fuckload of money. Still, I have never felt completely safe here. Our neighborhood is nice, but go a mile in either direction and you run into pocket ghettos with crime filled areas and questionable looking people hanging out on every street corner. We set the alarm every night and I sleep with one eye open, getting up to investigate every sound I hear.</p> <p>Jamie and I bought our house fresh off of our honeymoon. Kidless and eager to start a family, the huge backyard, pool and cul-de-sac got us. It was the second house we looked at and we signed a contract later that night. Without doing ANY of the research that prospective parents should do when moving to a new area. Fast forward a few years when we realized that the cheesy commercial is true, having kids changes <em>everything</em>.</p> <p>As our kids approach school age, I have started looking forward to our future and it looks bleak as hell. The middle school we’re zoned for has a 45% overall reading proficiency and the high school’s is 33%. I’m still not sure how the fuck that is possible but they are the odds we’re up against and it’s bullshit. I have started mentally preparing Jamie in order to shell out money for private school down the line. There is no way in hell I am subjecting my kids to schools that bad. I will *gasp*<em> home school</em> before I let that happen. And I would rather lose an appendage before home schooling these angels.</p> <p>All of these things didn’t matter until recently. Jamie has always stood firm on the fact that we aren’t moving, ever. We bought at the height of the market and put a lot into the house so trying to sell it now would mean we would be getting financially ass raped, something neither of us in the mood for. But the kids. And the schools. And the area. And private school tuition.</p> <p>We went on a beach vacation with the kids a few weeks back. While we were there, Jamie dropped a huge fucking bomb on me. After a couple of beers, he informed me that fuck it, we need to sell the house and move somewhere where I feel safe and the kids can go to good schools. My parents are fifty minutes away in the nice, quiet, low crime area that I grew up in and he thought we should move there. Jamie works from home so really, we are free to go wherever. With the kids and their health problems, it would be nice to have family nearby to lean on.</p> <p>Still, I was initially sad and mad and generally confused about the whole thing. I have finally gotten into a good routine here in this town, it finally feels like I actually live here. I have trustworthy doctors and specialists and specialists for the specialists. The grocery store, gym and kid friendly places all know our faces and act like they care. I have friends here, ones that I can call at the drop of a hat and meet up with when either of us needs a witness to avoid killing our children. I am about to lose all of that and I will have to start over from scratch. But it’s for the kids so I will do it. We will be in a safe place where I have no qualms about letting them ride their bikes up and down our street.</p> <p>Thus began the whirlwind real estate adventure we’ve been on for the past few weeks. A month ago, I would have laughed if you told me I was rearranging my life like this. Then three weeks ago, we made the decision and have started making plans. There is a POD in our driveway and I’m dumping piles of shit into it to make our house look more appealing to sell. We’ve been house hunting and every single available second I have is spent scouring the internet for that perfect house. And I think we found it. Last weekend, we put an offer in on a short sale house that we fell in love with. Now we sit and wait for days/weeks/months for the bank to approve or deny our offer.</p> <p>This house we found is in the middle of a big, beautiful neighborhood with its own playground, pool and tennis courts. There is a YMCA with an awesome water park backing up to the neighborhood and the schools are all A-rated so we won’t need to shell out private school tuition. My parents will be 14 minutes away and you’d better believe their asses will be sitting on our couch every other week while we go on a date night. My brothers and their kids are minutes away and my kids will grow up knowing their cousins. Just thinking about all of this makes me smile.</p> <p>So there you have it, just one of the reasons real life has taken me away from blogging. There are many more but we will save those for another post. Once again, Jamie and I are starting our lives over in a new, exciting place and a big, beautiful house. This time, we bring our kids and dogs and an assload of toys with us. I have no doubt that we’re doing the best thing for our family and I can’t wait. And what has been taking up <em>your </em>time this summer?</p> <div style="clear:both;"></div> <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6178#comments" title="Comment on Teach Them Well And Let Them Lead The Way">22 Comments</a> | <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6178" rel="bookmark">Permalink</a> <p>Tags: <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?tag=crime" rel="tag">crime</a>, <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?tag=family" rel="tag">family</a></p><br/><br/><br/><br/>  <div class="contenttitle"> <h1><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6159" rel="bookmark">Random Wednesday Thoughts: Making Up My Own Rules</a></h1> <p>June 30, 2010 11:21 am | <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6159#comments" title="Comment on Random Wednesday Thoughts: Making Up My Own Rules">16 Comments</a> </p> </div> <p style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/randomtuesday.jpg"><img class="size-medium-image-4999 aligncenter" title="randomtuesday" src="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/randomtuesday.jpg" alt="" width="200" height="79" /></a></p> <p>I JUST now realized that Dawson from Dawson’s Creek and Zack Morris from Saved By The Bell aren’t the same dude. Deep down, I know that’s not true. Has anyone ever seen them both in the same place? I didn’t think so.</p> <p>My dog Chloe ate my night guard about a year ago and I’m just now getting around to having it replaced. I picked up my new one at the dentist today and with my tail between my legs, promised AGAIN to keep it out of my dog’s reach lest I have to pay several hundred dollars for another replacement.</p> <p>Guilty Party On The Left:</p> <p><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/guilty-dog.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-6166" title="guilty-dog" src="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/guilty-dog.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="332" /></a></p> <p>A few days back, Parent’s Just Don’t Understand came on the radio and in my 33 year old awesomeness, I still knew every damn word. I would be willing to bet that the rebel yell is coming back to bite Will Smith in the ass as he raises his kids.</p> <p>Yesterday I bought a Grateful Dead shirt at Kohls. Which is kind of ironic that they sell Dead shirts in a major clothing chain but whatever, it reminded me of my youth. I donned my new shirt today and Jamie is pretending he doesn’t know me because he thinks I look ridiculous.</p> <p>We have remote start in my Mommy Mobile for the scorching Florida heat. Yesterday at swim class, someone made an announcement that there was a car running in the parking lot. I identified myself as the idiot who somehow started her car with her keys seemingly stored safely in her pockets. Unfortunately, it’s not the first time this has happened.</p> <p>My SIL was down last week and we went for our regular vacation pedicures. This one hideous color stood out to me and I was racking my brain to figure out why. When we went in the pool later that day, it hit me. I present to you: Earplug Toes:</p> <p><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/ear-toe.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-6164" title="ear-toe" src="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/ear-toe-300x199.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="199" /></a></p> <p>So I finally decided to do the poop test to see if I am gluten intolerant like the kids. This involved a rather embarrassing poop specimen collection phase followed by the part where I had to store my shit in the freezer before shipping it to the lab. My loving husband was generous enough to take my poop to the post office because isn’t that what love is all about? Mailing shit bombs across the country?</p> <p><a href="http://www.theunmom.com/" target="blank"> Apparently this random shit is supposed to happen on Tuesday but I arrived fashionably late. Go see Keely. </a></p> <div style="clear:both;"></div> <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6159#comments" title="Comment on Random Wednesday Thoughts: Making Up My Own Rules">16 Comments</a> | <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6159" rel="bookmark">Permalink</a> <p>Tags: <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?tag=random-tuesday-thoughts" rel="tag">Random Tuesday Thoughts</a></p><br/><br/><br/><br/>  <div class="contenttitle"> <h1><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6140" rel="bookmark">Random Wednesday Thoughts: Your Love Is Like Bad Underwear</a></h1> <p>June 23, 2010 11:09 am | <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6140#comments" title="Comment on Random Wednesday Thoughts: Your Love Is Like Bad Underwear">28 Comments</a> </p> </div> <p style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/randomtuesday.jpg"><img class="size-medium-image-4999 aligncenter" title="randomtuesday" src="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/randomtuesday.jpg" alt="" width="200" height="79" /></a></p> <p>I meant to post yesterday but I was dragging ass all day because of a pair of bad underwear. Well not one pair, most of my pairs because I’ve lost a little weight so my normally snug granny panties are slidey aroundy and just not comfortable. I was up the night before tossing and turning because my underwear kept shifting into my crack and performing a butt tourniquet all night.</p> <p>I guess there are worse problems to have. Yesterday I bought some new (smaller) underwear so thankfully, I slept like a champ last night.</p> <p>Elliot has become quite versed in the ways of the rules and stuck Jamie in time out for splashing in the pool. I’m waiting for someone to stick me in time out, a minute for every year in age, right?</p> <p>Monday afternoon, I was racing home for a photo finish when a squirrel ran out in front of my car. I slammed on the brakes but the poor guy suffered an ill fate. Not to be heartless but I was suffering from my own pooptuation so I continued on and made it home in time.</p> <p>The other day I followed someone with a NH license plate and sat (drove) wondering why someone would want to Olive Free Or Die? Then I realized that there was a screw in front of the word “live” and it all suddenly made sense. I hadn’t previously heard of Olives feeling oppressed.</p> <p><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/olive-free-or-die.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-6145" title="olive-free-or-die" src="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/olive-free-or-die-300x158.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="158" /></a></p> <p>For some unknown reason, if either Jamie or I see a knife on the counter, we grab it and pretend to gut the other. Now tell me we aren’t a couple in love?</p> <p>When I dropped the kids off at camp this morning, one of the elderly teachers passed me in the hallway and turned back to say “you rock!”. I was so excited that someone, anyone, finally noticed me for who I really am. It wasn’t until a minute later that I realized I was wearing my Muppets Animal shirt that said “I ROCK!!!” on it. For the record, I do totally rock.</p> <p><a href="http://www.theunmom.com/" target="blank"> I know I missed the party but Keely would probably still be happy have you stop by. Bring some Motrin, she’s nursing a wicked hangover. </a></p> <div style="clear:both;"></div> <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6140#comments" title="Comment on Random Wednesday Thoughts: Your Love Is Like Bad Underwear">28 Comments</a> | <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6140" rel="bookmark">Permalink</a> <p>Tags: <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?tag=random-tuesday-thoughts" rel="tag">Random Tuesday Thoughts</a></p><br/><br/><br/><br/>  <div class="contenttitle"> <h1><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6135" rel="bookmark">Wordless Wednesday: Alphatots</a></h1> <p>June 16, 2010 11:50 am | <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6135#comments" title="Comment on Wordless Wednesday: Alphatots">20 Comments</a> </p> </div> <p><object style="height: 344px; width: 425px"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/-y5AJoETOak"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/-y5AJoETOak" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="425" height="344"></object></p> <p>Complete with nose picking. Forgive the cinematic skills, I was keeping my eye on the road. Enjoy my robot voice. I should talk like that all the time.</p> <div style="clear:both;"></div> <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6135#comments" title="Comment on Wordless Wednesday: Alphatots">20 Comments</a> | <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6135" rel="bookmark">Permalink</a> <p>Tags: <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?tag=wordless-wednesday" rel="tag">Wordless Wednesday</a></p><br/><br/><br/><br/>  <div class="contenttitle"> <h1><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6123" rel="bookmark">Random Tuesday Thoughts: Floaters And Angry Looks And Sometimes Both</a></h1> <p>June 15, 2010 3:23 pm | <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6123#comments" title="Comment on Random Tuesday Thoughts: Floaters And Angry Looks And Sometimes Both">15 Comments</a> </p> </div> <p style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/randomtuesday.jpg"><img class="size-medium-image-4999 aligncenter" title="randomtuesday" src="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/randomtuesday.jpg" alt="" width="200" height="79" /></a></p> <p>My brother and his Baby Momma got hitched over the weekend which gave Jamie and I the excuse to get a sitter for an afternoon of kid free conversation. It was lovely but bittersweet since we had to go home at the end of the shin dig. Sigh.</p> <p>Speaking of dates, we have started alternating date nights with a good friend and I think it’s the start of something amazing. Every Tuesday either she watches my kids so we can go out or I watch hers so she can go out with her man. The best part is that we all put our kids to sleep before the “sitter” gets there so they can just chill and catch up on some TV. It’s a win-win.</p> <p>Tonight is our turn to go out and I’m battling a nasty sinus and double ear infection (<em>I know, right?</em>) so I have no idea what to do. Last time we went to The Melting Pot for dessert then to the local bowling alley for a couple of games. I don’t think my sinuses can survive walking into that smoke hole tonight so we’ve got to come up with a plan, fast.</p> <p>Last week, Great Clips was having a sale so I swerved my car into the parking lot and got my kids haircuts. Graham got buzzed which means no more curls and my heart hurts. It’s only hair. It’s only hair. It will grow back. At least they didn’t cut off the angry scowl, that I couldn’t live without.</p> <p><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/2010-06-10-104845.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-6126" title="2010-06-10-104845" src="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/2010-06-10-104845-224x300.jpg" alt="" width="224" height="300" /></a></p> <p>Elliot is so fucking cute. There, I said it. Graham is too but Elliot is my snuggler, except when she demands to snuggle, she says “gungle” and I can never say no. “GUNGLE, MOMMY!”, she says as she knees me in the face/ribs/boobs/stomach to worm her way into just the right position. I think I will gungle, yes.</p> <p>So I survived the week without Jamie, barely. I think last week was the lowest low for me in a long time with the kids and their behavior. Graham must have gotten into some artificial dye somewhere (I have NO idea where) and it showed. He is lucky he didn’t get boxed up and shipped off somewhere but luckily we all made it through in tact.</p> <p>We had a swimming play date last week and at one point, my friend noticed a rogue floater in the pool. We checked everyone’s butts and nobody left any evidence behind in their suits for us to find. After much interrogation, we still weren’t any closer to finding the shitter so we decided to let it go. Except that I couldn’t and days later I was still asking Elliot (the suspected culprit in my mind) if she pooped in the pool. She maintains her innocence but I told her I will keep asking until I get the answer I’m looking for.</p> <p><a href="http://www.theunmom.com/" target="blank"> I’m pretty sure Keely’s place is practically rogue poop free, swing on by. </a></p> <div style="clear:both;"></div> <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6123#comments" title="Comment on Random Tuesday Thoughts: Floaters And Angry Looks And Sometimes Both">15 Comments</a> | <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6123" rel="bookmark">Permalink</a> <p>Tags: <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?tag=random-tuesday-thoughts" rel="tag">Random Tuesday Thoughts</a></p><br/><br/><br/><br/>  <div class="contenttitle"> <h1><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6117" rel="bookmark">Untethered</a></h1> <p>June 9, 2010 7:36 am | <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6117#comments" title="Comment on Untethered">21 Comments</a> </p> </div> <p>Jamie is in VA all week for work and I’m playing the part of the single mom. So far, I’ve only come close to murdering the kids a couple of times but man, these kids are tough. They’ve been attacking each other constantly and I can’t even prepare a meal without having to stop and separate them several times. The source of Graham’s behavior finally revealed itself in the wee hours last night; another ear infection. This will be the fourth in the past two months and I’m pretty sure a set of shiny new ear tubes will be in our future. Elliot is hopped up on dye from chewing on a marker so she’s been biting and hitting and generally unpleasant to be around. When they’re not fighting, they’re teaming up on me so at least there’s some togetherness going on.</p> <p>Having to do it all with Jamie gone has made me realize how bogged down and tethered I really am. Not just with the daily grind, to technology as well. Before I went to bed last night, I plugged in the baby monitor, dog’s shock collar, set the alarm, put the home phone on it’s docking station, plugged in the laptop, put the ceiling fan and TV remote out of reach for the morning and unplugged my cell phone to take with me before I went to sleep on the mat on the floor in the kid’s room. Yes, one of us is still crashing in their room every night to minimize the wake ups. And it’s getting old. While I was laying there waiting for the back pain to set in, I wondered when I became so damn dependent on <em>things</em>? It’s a bit ridiculous.</p> <p>The hustle and bustle of daily life have also kept me away from the blogosphere. It happens, but I find myself walking around with Google Reader guilt, sad to be so far behind and melancholy because I haven’t posted in weeks. But life is busy, kids are hard and that’s the way it goes. I blog when I have time and I will catch up someday. The kids need to be fed, there’s swimming to do (that part, I love), the dishes aren’t going to do themselves. I plan on unplugging myself from the world for a little bit, at least as much as I can. To let go of the guilt for not being 100% all of the time and kick back and enjoy things. To survive the rest of the week until Jamie gets home to back me up. In the meantime, wish me luck with these hooligans.</p> <div style="clear:both;"></div> <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6117#comments" title="Comment on Untethered">21 Comments</a> | <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6117" rel="bookmark">Permalink</a> <p>Tags: <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?tag=elliot" rel="tag">Elliot</a>, <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?tag=graham" rel="tag">Graham</a>, <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?tag=jamie" rel="tag">Jamie</a>, <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?tag=life-getting-in-the-way" rel="tag">Life Getting In The Way</a></p><br/><br/><br/><br/>  <div class="contenttitle"> <h1><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6077" rel="bookmark">Random Tuesday Thoughts: Shocking Revelations</a></h1> <p>May 17, 2010 11:46 pm | <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6077#comments" title="Comment on Random Tuesday Thoughts: Shocking Revelations">32 Comments</a> </p> </div> <p style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/randomtuesday.jpg"><img class="size-medium-image-4999 aligncenter" title="randomtuesday" src="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/randomtuesday.jpg" alt="" width="200" height="79" /></a></p> <p>There’s a machine at the gym that’s basically like the Thigh Master but in huge, machine form. Although it’s a good workout, it looks totally sexual when you’re sitting there squeezing your legs together in a room full of farty/sweaty people. So I rarely use the stupid thing, even though my thighs could use some mastering. And sometimes it’s hard to walk after a ride on the sex machine. Which sounds equally as dirty.</p> <p>Jamie is a brilliant problem solver. Just last week, I noticed him vacuuming a pile of crumbs off of the counter instead of wiping them up the old fashioned way. See? Brilliant.</p> <p>My kids watch Yo Gabba Gabba and love when they show kids on there doing “cool tricks”. So now, both kids go around all day showing me their own versions of cool tricks like: jumping, walking, spinning, somersaults, rolling, breathing, blinking. It’s all just enthralling to watch the first thousand times but after that I wish I could make my cool trick a disappearing act.</p> <p>I sometimes text myself with reminders for stuff I need to get done. Every time, I forget about the text message and thirty seconds later when the text (to myself) arrives, I get excited that I have a new text on my phone only to get disappointed seconds later when I realize that it was just me texting me. Please tell me I’m not alone.</p> <p>Modeling is tough. I bought some tip-resistant furniture brackets and noticed that the company basically killed a toddler in order to get a photo of what could happen if you don’t buy their product and secure your furniture:</p> <p><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/squished-kid.jpg"><img class="aligncenter size-medium wp-image-6107" title="squished-kid" src="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/squished-kid-300x300.jpg" alt="" width="233" height="233" /></a></p> <p>That poor kid is a goner.</p> <p>Jamie doesn’t believe me but I recently lost five pounds from one poop. Instead of high fiving me (like any good husband would do), he questioned the validity of our scale. The audacity. Also, I was bragging about stopping up our toilet and he said he’s not impressed because the plumbing sucks in that bathroom. Can’t a sister get any poop support around here?</p> <p>Graham has figured out which buttons print a test page on our printer and LOVES it. So every time he sneaks into our bedroom, he runs to the printer and proudly prints a (wasteful) test page and presents it for all to see.</p> <p>My dog wears a bark collar since she’s insane and we like our neighbors. Our property backs up to a busy road and emergency vehicles frequently cause our hound dog to howl. And get shocked. And howl. And get shocked. Over and over this stupid dog does the howl/shock/howl until one of us can grab her and throw her inside out of howl’s way. Is this why hound dogs are crying all the time? Electrocution?</p> <p><a href="http://www.theunmom.com/"target="blank"> You know who else is shocking? Keely. Bolt on over!</a</p> <div style="clear:both;"></div> <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6077#comments" title="Comment on Random Tuesday Thoughts: Shocking Revelations">32 Comments</a> | <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6077" rel="bookmark">Permalink</a> <p>Tags: <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?tag=random-tuesday-thoughts" rel="tag">Random Tuesday Thoughts</a></p><br/><br/><br/><br/>  <div class="contenttitle"> <h1><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6083" rel="bookmark">Swim Little Fishy</a></h1> <p>May 13, 2010 3:34 pm | <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6083#comments" title="Comment on Swim Little Fishy">22 Comments</a> </p> </div> <p style="text-align: left;">We spent Mother’s Day at the beach with my parents and it was <em>glorious</em>. Then my parents took the kids back to their house to nap while Jamie and I went to the gym and out to lunch. Just getting to go out to a restaurant with my husband in the middle of the day was weird but so great. We need to do that more often.</p> <p style="text-align: left;">For the first summer in a long time, I’m glad I live in Florida. Our year round swim lessons have finally paid off and we’ve been spending every afternoon in the pool. Like all afternoon, 2-4 hours at a time. I’ve got two Coppertone kids on my hands and we’re already down three bottles of sunscreen this year. We’ve experienced less tantrums, easier bedtimes and get this, <em>sleeping through the night</em>.</p> <p style="text-align: left;">That’s right, bitches. My kids have slept through the night for the past four nights. This is this first stretch of time that they’ve both slept through in I don’t know, two years? Ever? We’ve tried every trick in the book and nothing has worked up until now. I’m knocking on wood even typing that since I know it will be the ultimate jinx.</p> <p style="text-align: left;">Last summer was miserable for us since I wasn’t confident enough to go in the pool alone with both kids. The few times I tried turned into disasters and resulted with meltdowns from one or both kids. It was too hot to play outside without feeling like we were going to pass out so we were cooped up indoors. I would imagine that’s how you northern folks with toddlers feel during the winter months. Simply grueling.</p> <p style="text-align: left;">This new groove we’re in is awesome and it arrived not a minute too soon. We’re slowly digging our way out of a tantrumy, sleepless ditch and moving toward fun times. The way I’ve always imagined our life with kids should be. We’ve hosted swimming play dates and gone to friend’s houses for more of the same. I’m happy to spend hours in the pool doing somersaults with Graham and pouring buckets of water out with Elliot. To eat our snacks poolside with everyone in a decent mood for once and the radio blaring. Most of all, I plan on tiring their asses out in the pool every afternoon for as long as I can. And how is <em>your </em>summer going?</p> <p style="text-align: left;"> <p style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/dsc_0005.jpg"><img class="size-medium wp-image-6086 aligncenter" title="dsc_0005" src="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/dsc_0005-199x300.jpg" alt="" width="199" height="300" /></a><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/dsc_0033.jpg"></a></p> <p style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/dsc_0033.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-6087" title="dsc_0033" src="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/dsc_0033-199x300.jpg" alt="" width="199" height="300" /></a><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/dsc_0110.jpg"></a></p> <p style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/dsc_0110.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-6088" title="dsc_0110" src="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/dsc_0110-300x199.jpg" alt="" width="300" height="199" /></a><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/dsc_0025.jpg"></a></p> <p style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/dsc_0025.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-6089" title="dsc_0025" src="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/dsc_0025-199x300.jpg" alt="" width="199" height="300" /></a></p> <div style="clear:both;"></div> <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6083#comments" title="Comment on Swim Little Fishy">22 Comments</a> | <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6083" rel="bookmark">Permalink</a> <p>Tags: <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?tag=elliot" rel="tag">Elliot</a>, <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?tag=graham" rel="tag">Graham</a></p><br/><br/><br/><br/>  <div class="contenttitle"> <h1><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6071" rel="bookmark">Random Tuesday Thoughts: The Poop Standoff</a></h1> <p>April 26, 2010 10:53 pm | <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6071#comments" title="Comment on Random Tuesday Thoughts: The Poop Standoff">39 Comments</a> </p> </div> <p style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/randomtuesday.jpg"><img class="size-medium-image-4999 aligncenter" title="randomtuesday" src="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/randomtuesday.jpg" alt="" width="200" height="79" /></a></p> <p>Well hello there, is this thing on? I realize it’s been awhile. Life is getting in the way of the blog, man. Hopefully I’m back around to read and post semi-regularly. Since signing up for BlogHer, I’ve stopped blogging pretty much altogether and that kind of defeats the purpose of going, ya know?</p> <p>Let’s see… what has been going on in the life of HAGAY…</p> <p>We had a weekend without kids this past weekend. We left around noonish on Friday and returned around noonish on Sunday and it.was. AWESOME! Jamie and I drove over to Orlando to see Blue Man Group and just relax. We stayed at the Hard Rock Hotel and loved every minute of it. We seriously sat in the hotel room and just stared at the wall. The peace and quiet was blissful. On Saturday, we headed back to Tampa for a friend’s 40th birthday party. We got a hotel since my parents were here with the kids and we wanted to continue on with our kidless weekend sans kids. Duh.</p> <p>So even though my past weekend was marvelous, it still contained its share of shitty antics. Like when we stopped at the casino on our way out of town because Jamie had a free birthday lunch coupon. It was buffet style and although I’m usually anti-buffet, it was like a king’s feast. I got over my germophobic ways and ate like a mofo.</p> <p>Then, uhm… my stomach started churning and I knew I was going to have to “do the deed” in the casino bathroom. I’m not a fan of public pooping but we had a ninety minute drive ahead of us and I’m also not a fan of cleaning shit out of car upholstery. In I went. I utilized the flush/poop/wait method that has proven successful in the past. I thought I’d be clever and text Jamie status updates during my waiting periods. It was during one of those that I DROPPED MY PHONE. Not in the toilet, don’t worry, but on the floor and it bounced into the stall next to me. I quickly cleaned up and opened the door to retrieve my phone. WHERE THE FUCKING RESTROOM ATTENDANT WAS STANDING, WITH MY PHONE IN HAND. She handed it back with a “I know you just shit your ass off” grin and then asked if I was done and walked into my shit-air filled stall. Nothing says embarrassment like getting called out on a public shitting.</p> <p>Then on the way home from Orlando, we stopped at Pizzeria Uno for lunch. We hit the gym Friday and Saturday so I don’t feel SO bad about our weekend food intake but still, there was a lot of food consumed. Wouldn’t you know it, the second we pull onto the interstate toward Tampa, my stomach starts churning again. I made Jamie pull over and find a bathroom. Did I mention I hate public pooping? Well I walk in and sit down around the same time as some other lady. We both know what the other is doing but this lady clearly misread me. She initiated <em>The Standoff</em>, and tried to wait me out so she could poop in peace. I was all, “oh no, bitch, it’s ON now and I will sit here all fucking day if I have to!”. And so I sat. And she sat. We must have both sat there for ten minutes waiting for the other one to leave. She proved to be a worthy opponent but I won out in the end and she left. Don’t fuck with me, people.</p> <p>We went looking at five different Michael’s stores for something that my mom is looking for for her upcoming wedding. If you’re confused by that, my parents have been together for 33 years but have never tied the knot and are planning to in October. Anyways, my Martha Stewart-ish mom is searching for the perfect wedding favor and has bought up all of the supplies at the stores in three counties. If you’re headed to a Michaels near you and wouldn’t mind checking your store, shoot me an email and I’ll send you a pic. That was quite the advertisement considering my parents don’t know I have a blog.</p> <p>On a somber note, Jamie’s dad passed away unexpectedly a few weeks ago. Thanks in advance for all of your well wishes, Jamie is doing pretty well considering. We flew to PA for a week for the funeral and to visit with family and the kids were actually awesome on the plane. And yes, I brought them back to FL with me.</p> <p>A friend’s friend told me that she “loves my blog” while we were at a party the other night. I had no idea that local people actually READ my blog so it kind of threw me off guard. Especially after having a few beers. I was all paranoid, looking around the room to see “who else knows!”.</p> <p>I sometimes go “cowboy style” when Jamie farts by pulling my shirt up over my nose and mouth. Graham thinks it’s hilarious and wants me to make fake fart noises so he can go cowboy style too.</p> <p>Elliot turned two a couple of weeks ago, complete with a bounce party and gluten/dye free cupcakes. She is talking up a storm and screaming even more. Ahh, to be two again. My parents absolutely LOVE the kids but they couldn’t get out of here fast enough when we got home on Sunday. All night toddler parties and all day toddler tantrums were on the menu. Meanwhile, the parents of those toddlers were off in Orlando, quietly staring at a hotel room wall…</p> <p><a href="http://www.theunmom.com/"> Go get your random on!</a></p> <div style="clear:both;"></div> <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6071#comments" title="Comment on Random Tuesday Thoughts: The Poop Standoff">39 Comments</a> | <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?p=6071" rel="bookmark">Permalink</a> <p>Tags: <a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?tag=random-tuesday-thoughts" rel="tag">Random Tuesday Thoughts</a></p><br/><br/><br/><br/>  <div id='wp_page_numbers'> <ul><li class="page_info">Page 1 of 34</li><li class="active_page"><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/">1</a></li> <li><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?paged=2">2</a></li> <li><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?paged=3">3</a></li> <li><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?paged=4">4</a></li> <li><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?paged=5">5</a></li> <li><a href="http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?paged=6">6</a></li> 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2009</a></li> <li><a href='http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?m=200908' title='August 2009'>August 2009</a></li> <li><a href='http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?m=200907' title='July 2009'>July 2009</a></li> <li><a href='http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?m=200906' title='June 2009'>June 2009</a></li> <li><a href='http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?m=200905' title='May 2009'>May 2009</a></li> <li><a href='http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?m=200904' title='April 2009'>April 2009</a></li> <li><a href='http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?m=200903' title='March 2009'>March 2009</a></li> <li><a href='http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?m=200902' title='February 2009'>February 2009</a></li> <li><a href='http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?m=200901' title='January 2009'>January 2009</a></li> <li><a href='http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?m=200812' title='December 2008'>December 2008</a></li> <li><a href='http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?m=200811' title='November 2008'>November 2008</a></li> <li><a href='http://halfasgoodasyou.com/?m=200810' title='October 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